gathering the storm

everything is moving
as perfectly as it needs to
be it fast or slow
the winds of change are blowing
sweet rhythmic ancient scents
wild, exciting, distant, yet familiar
and i am dancing

when i fall, then what? (greenfield, ma hilltop)

if i fall
i know you'll catch me
but are you ready
for my weight
are you ready
for the mountains of my Heart
the crashing waves of my Spirit
the endless vistas of my very Being?
if i jump
will you support my flight
and catch me
when i Fall?

breakfast on a rock- brattleboro, vt

leaves falling
butterflies fluttering
breakfast on a rock
now i eat you
death for life
now you eat me

from the hilltop i sat on this morning in greenfield, ma

patient unending STONE
my feet tingle as they grow into you
sitting waiting watching being
time does not exist
seasons mesh into one another
continuous flow rhythm be
of clouds, sunshine, rain, moon, stars
ah yes, those stars
they too, like us
sitting, waiting, watching, being
i wonder if we are just as inspiring?
do we too glow from a core inner light
sending twinkles far off into space?
the space between Raven's feathers
contracting and expanding
as she circles her air kingdom
spaces between the leaves dancing with time and wind
growing and shifting
then falling, one by one
to mesh back into
patient unending STONE
waiting watching being
growing stillness
space between earth, sky,
Universe

rest and reflection

today i laid on a Rock

like so many other days on other Rocks

watching Sky

thinking about everything and nothing

and just resting

in the Bliss and perfection 

of the 

Now

rain

all the rain 

all the Sacred Tears

Sky held for us

as we cried for our Visions

and Quested on the Mountain

all is falling

held by Mama

Sky has opened

bathing my Heart

in Sacred Tears

the better to see You with, my dear

my Dear

love and thanks

thank you 

i love you so much 

i am so grateful for all you bring into this world and my life! 

thank you for shining your light so brightly

i can't upload fresh photos until i return to connecticut... so here's some more photos from my elder Bill that pretty aptly sum up what others have been doing for me... prayers and candles. 

i love you so much 

i am so very grateful 

and i am writing to let you know that 

i have returned from the Mountain 

i am safe and well 

and my bowl is now full yet empty 

and there is much to say 

but also not much at all 

sometime soon, i will do a Giveaway Ceremony and tell my story then, in connecticut 

for those of you not in connecticut 

we can connect in other ways

call me, tap in via the winds and earth

and we will rub our hearts and bellies, smile, and sigh

with contented connected united knowing

for all that remains unsaid,

is already said

star heart

thru spiraling smoke

bright stars shine inside

i find my way 

back

(Vision Quest this week in northern Vermont. Sacred silence. Prayers, loving thoughts, and blessings invited and gratefully accepted. I love you!!!) 

love

love
enters my life
sometimes with silent padded steps
sometimes like a mighty gush of thunderstorm
sometimes so subtly, like a dandelion slowly opening
sometimes so overtly, like an avalanche stone crashing down a mountain
love
enters my life
sometimes sweetly
like fresh blueberries on a summer morning
sometimes sourly
with an aftertaste of blueberries forgotten in a bowl
love
sits
quietly
sometimes, watching my self as i step forward slowly
love
stands
strongly
as i pick myself back up
from the avalanche
and piece back together
freshly kilned clay
and infinitude of hearts
and potential
rising
from the ashes of fiery flames
fruits borne of sunshine, sweat, dirt, and death
i am
love

(me and Justin just ended our romantic relationship a few days ago. i am doing okay, and grateful for love in all its forms)
(thank you my dear esteemed elder Bill, for the lovely photo, and for helping fire my clay hearts! and growing the tomato heart! :) )

the Fall

August 7, 2006... the Fall. It's been four years now. Thank you...

August itinerary

7/26 - 8/6= staffing kids' farm camp and African dance theater camp at Orchard Hill Farm (NH)

8/6 - 8/8= Daughters of the Earth gathering at Earthlands (MA) (I need a ride down from NH, if you know anyone...)

8/9 - 8/14?= Earthstory gathering at Earthlands (MA) (and then I need a ride up to northern VT, if you know anyone...)

8/15 - 8/21= Vision Quest (VT) 

final two weeks of the month... don't know yet. I will probably hangout with Luz Elena in Brattleboro, VT. I want to see Keith, Mira, Efan, Jason, Kalyan, Darcey, and Sean sometime this summer, too. I also want some kind of backpacking / survival camping trip. So, hopefully a small extended visit to Keith's farm and/or Kalyan's new farm, too. 

... and then I plan to return to Connecticut before September 5 for the Red Tent that day, and then start Two Coyotes' autumn children's programs on September 6! 

desires

i really wanted!

to return to the desert

and work with "at-risk" youth

beautiful shining teenagers that society can't yet accept

and learn from plant-man doug

and a bunch of burros

and cacti 

and mountains

and a sky so big and wide

that my heart floods with blue

that merges with red

into the most vivid healing purple i've ever seen

as the hot desert rocks boom their deep booms 

and i know that 

we are held

i really wanted! 

to stay here and cultivate 

the relationships and seeds that i've set

and slowly watched sprout 

and am still blossoming 

so much love for so many people 

yet so often feeling so very 

alone 

and struggling

with restlessness and wants and needs and boundaries

boundaries 

don't cross my boundaries 

i am learning to see my boundaries 

and bravely state them when i need to

no more hiding them 

no more hiding 

i am stepping out into the sunshine 

from a morbid smoggy winter 

and sweating beads of mingled pain and pleasure 

the raw honesty of being alive and whole

with black, white, and all rainbow prismatic every nothings

swirled into a giant

center of the universe

cake!

cake

i really wanted!

yes i did! 

and i still do 

but i am learning

thank you

thank you 

for listening and watching and knowing and seeing

and holding and being

and being

just being 

thank you 

for all the prayers seen and unseen,

heard and unheard

for i feel them every time i cry into the wind

and she blows back with a kiss

and i know 

that i am blessed

with seen and unseen 

heard and unheard

thank you 

friends everywhere 

yes love

watching bats fly around at dusk
minnows gathering around my toes and nibbling them
while i am swimming in ice pond
of all places!
yes, ice pond
clouds pink, sky blue
back out into the great known unknown beautiful
yes

saint johnswort

today was a saint johnswort day!

hypericum perforatum 

"perforatum" for the small dots that light filter thru on the leaves

the flowers smell like heaven and will help further repair the ripped-up side of my face (from the Fall)

how does such a little yellow flower work such strong magic? 

i am in love!!

this is summer: june and july plans

if anyone's interested...

my itinerary for the next couple weeks:

this weekend= "ancient and innovative foundations training" with luz elena morey in brattleboro, vt

next week (last week of june)= either camp in woodbridge, ct with justin or visiting friends near northampton, ma

1rst week july= "gaia nature arts camp" for 5-7 yr olds with luz elena morey in brattleboro, vt

that weekend= maybe red tent in hartford, ct; or camping on keith's farm near northampton, ma

2nd week july= housesitting/exploring near brattleboro, vt

3rd week july= "gaia nature arts camp" for 8-12 yr olds with luz elena morey in brattleboro, vt

final week of july= still open

and then aug is mostly open, until aug 20 is women's herbal conference... and i think i will hitch around maine for a bit and explore some mountains i haven't touched yet, check out a high point, dip in the ocean for a few days, etc (mount desert island...!)

pow wow!

the order and preservation of indigenous cultures 

a gathering of tribes, really

disconnected yet (re)connected

the rhythm of the heartbeat drum just sets my heart beating faster

and then slower again

as we attune to the drum 

and attune to each other 

we begin to notice 

our voices coming from a shared breath

of the same quality of air and breathing 

into the nose, down into the belly, out thru the mouth

to be shared some more 

with the trees and fields surrounding

and the eagle soaring above 

riding on that same air current 

of precious breath

gift friend air wind 

take us as we soar 

on air currents of drum song

old songs, new songs, so many songs!

i recorded most

but it will take quite a while for me to really remember them 

for now, three are stuck in my head

seems like every other moment though

i remember another song

and find myself humming yet another pow wow tune

as i toodle around the woods and observe mosses growing

(that same beat thrums in you too huh?) 

many of the songs don't have a literal meaning 

but the feeling that the song evokes

that is what is important 

that is what is intentional

not the words

the words come secondary to the feelings 

yes!

and then at night we women gathered around 

the red clover womens' drum 

for me, it doesn't quite matter who i'm drumming with

so long as we get attuned

and the magic happens 

but there's just something about all us women gathered together

with a drum without a drum 

but ooh that night yes with a drum 

and drumming and singing and laughing and sharing

shining eyes reflecting the stars

with shared hands beating the sacred ancient drum 

something magic

is still here 

and reawakening 

yes!

questions

to hitch or not to hitch?
that is the question
in a state of too many cars and not enough real people
real
people
i have many questions

ji-ling

my family name is lin

which means forest

my given chinese name

my "real name" is 

ji ling

ji is from an old family poem

each generation gets the next

word in the poem 

ji also means basic, foundational,

grounded

ling is the sound of bells

ethereal and abstract

ji ling is like grounded ether

sky and earth melded into one

being

ji ling also means spritely, flexible, nimble

like a fairy

lin ji ling

forest sprite

i am now going by my chinese name

ji ling 

(that's me... as well as a compendium of joyce, jaz, crow... and all the other names along the way. but now, back to ji-ling. hello, again)

raccoon

i just saw all seven of the chickens sprinting past the kitchen

with a raccoon in hot pursuit

he wasn't afraid to run into the bushes 

and watch me with big bandit eyes

remember

chalk art 2

chalk art

dream: lotuses

always remember that wherever you go, there will be lotus blossoms in your footsteps... so that you will never be lost

dance weekend

whirlwind weekend 

friday up to earthdance 

(hello, keith and lani, and amazing new farmers shauna and howell!) 

beautiful land, shining faces

hello massachusetts 

and goodbye again on saturday 

but first 

a magical mystical nature walk thru the rain 

inspiration to live fully, even to the city dwellers

thanks justin 

silence and loudness

can you hear the birds as they speak to each other thru the mists?

we are the birds speaking to each other thru the mists too 

and then kalyan's new farm 

not yet named

not yet planted

but all in progress

and oh so beautiful and amazing and utterly

inspiring

inspiring

so full of love and magic and 

hope 

filled with joy and hope

mmm

off to vermont!

where cars have congregated 

with people inside

at camp neringa 

for a weekend powwow

us, for a few hours 

of hello lovely mira and efan and other

beautiful old friends and acquiantances that i don't remember

but have still touched my life!

bluegrass music never fails

to make me swing

in the morning bright and early

grey rather

it's been grey all throughout 

new england is beginning to feel like a 

big grey temple tent

with green trees like greenish clouds

hanging above my head

above the grey

that envelopes all 

zooming bak down

freeways and traffic

as ingwe tells stories of leopards in jungles, on cd

and we trade raunchy teenage jokes

that bring us back to summers past

and i sleep with cold wet muddy feet plastered against

the breathing window

(or are my feet breathing)

feeling the hartbeat pulsation sensation 

in my little pinky toe 

soaring to 

back down back down 

to connect i cut

for new england primitive skills gathering

where me and justin first met

last summer 

and i haven't seen many of these people for a full year

and i realize just how much changes

and how much does not

and what?! i am still here in connect i cut

and am not yet cut

but not quite connected either

but am more and more realizing that

i 

am

(something

un

stable

yet quite

grounded

also)

rain rain

when i close my eyes, i see

small mushroom clouds of dust poofing 

as raindrop fairies alight

in the desert

here, 

the ground just keeps sopping it up 

until one day the sponge has had enough

and all the moss just erupts in little explosions

loud enough for the fairies to start

jigging in joy

flung

hell-realm of normalcy 

schedules and cars that ride faster than the wind

barely even time to cook a good dinner

maybe this is just time to rest 

and recuperate after years of a different kind of running 

a kind of flying

running, flying, leaping, soaring with the wind

instead of in the opposite direction 

at full speed

a different kind of wind, a new sort of slow

a slow found in in-between moments of whooshing breath

gasping for air

air that had been forgotten 

in the rushing madness

what now do i choose for myself

i've dipped toes, then jumped full-on into both worlds

feels like i'm spiralling back and forth

and when i make comparisons

i see it's not such a big decision after all 

the spiral keeps turning, regardless 

but then, it's also a huge decision

shall i turn towards the sun, slowly, like a dandelion 

or shall i turn downwards yet up 

being stretched tightly into a middle place of balance

my guts stretched out tight to be poked with sticks

and push pulled into leather 

a tight unforgiving leather

that does not give in to the sly kisses of the wind

for it can no longer feel

it is stretched too tight

i feel like a tired wind caught between the currents of the tides

in a confusing whirlpool of motion

a black hole of dark unknown

heavy rock tied to my ankles 

pulling so hard that they bleed they bleed they bleed

i am bleeding to death

for my heart has been ripped to pieces 

devoured by so many little cords of blind hunger

that stretch leather of what was once a heart

until there is no more blood to bleed 

it is caked and hard

and eventually

back to dust 

i wonder if sometimes late at night

the dust sits up and wonders

where did i come from 

raccoons

a duck got hurt last night

saw a mama and two baby raccoons in a tree, today

one life for three others? 

we see at least 3 deer and a squirrel dead on the side of the road every time we drive somewhere 

there's many more we don't see, i'm sure 

a handful of roadkill for a couple hundred cars and a society that moves too quickly? 

my stomach hurts when i think about the roadkill and stinky cars

it hurts also when i walk into a grocery store with its lights and too much stuff

our society of comfort and over-consumption

sometimes i wish i wasn't born american 

and yet, i also understand

(not quite) 

more spring!

i saw the first mullein blossoms of the season (bright yellow gorgeous flowers on a tall green stalk with the fuzziest most fantastic leaves)
and the first milkweed blossoms of the season! (beautifully intricate blossoms that are mostly white, but so much more... and smell like pure bliss. between the roses and the milkweeds, I am in heaven)

photos soon enough...

week

my week has been, thus far: 
lambsquarters day with brenda
bluegrass fest night, and recording songs with kari
hike to waterfall, and see coyote and snake
firefly and turtle and mosses with justin
ocean, roses, and lucy 
river walking with rocks, rain, thunder, and nettles
more roses
mmm!

roses

pink and white rosas

sing angels sounds 

and gently crowd each other to 

o

p

e

n

the locked doors of my heart

and blow fresh air into dusty chambers

and paint everything

an exhilaratingly reddish hue of ahhh

love

addendum

... but then again, life is short

and if not now, 

then when? 

oh!

i have so much desires 

i want to do everything 

enough

that perhaps it's best 

just to do 

nothing

coyote, snake, and caterpillar

i rarely even hear coyote over here, and very much miss the nightly coyote chorus of the desert southwest. but today, i saw my first coyote here in connecticut... and he looked healthy, though i think he would do better even deeper in the woods, perhaps out of this part of the state. we connected eyes, which shook my spirit in the best most magical way possible. 

when i saw snake, it was mere seconds after thinking "snake." i looked up at a cluster of rocks, thinking it would be a nice place to sit for a while, then i thought, "no; there should be snakes there, too." then i saw snake! chillaxing, staring at different rocks. snake never fails to get some kind of scream out of me... primal innate fear, and great respect. watched him slither off... he seemed very relaxed. 

caterpillar was dangling on a small silken cord off a tall tree, waving to and fro in the wind, struggling, struggling! like a tightrope walker with a broken tightrope, hanging on for dear life! 

and then ofcourse, winds were big and nice today...

bear!

that day, the other class (older clan) saw a bear! 

tracked it down; it tracked them down

more and more magic

barred owl

we saw a barred owl in class, a few weeks ago

her face looks like a modigliani painting:

big round eyes with a big long nose, circular head

magical feeling

we hooted back and forth to owl, as we crawled up a hill, and she sat in a tree

"i will never forget today" the kids agreed 

brave new

earth shaking
sky flashing
I AM SORRY!
to a tremble rumble flash shake sky
trees falling
on babies crawling
NO!
to a robot driven go go lie
walking forward
falling down
grasping upwards
tumbling down down down
striving to remember
remember
magic of simple nights just watching
stars walk across purple skies
simple waters rushing complex patterns
sunlight hitting reflections onto
solid mountain granite ageless stone
unmoving face that suddenly breaks
tumbling down down down
into cocoon morphing
trembling naked butterfly
new to a
brave new world

tree love 2

tree love

river wind lava stones

more spring flowers

mama

mother's day card! <3

stardust

i watched the moon today through a huge telescope
saw its' mountains, valleys, craters, and more...
moon in the sky,
always watching and knowing
having patiently and gently watched our ancestors as they crawled from water to land, swung from tree to earth, danced from earth to sky
i feel small yet massive
we are made of stardust
i felt meteors today
traveling so fast thru space at speeds i can't even imagine
to land, hunk of black magnetic metal
on our planet
we walk around on two legs and take ourselves so seriously
while the moon slowly moves away from the earth
our sun slowly dies
and dust, stones, and more spin and spin around saturn
who really is as magical looking and feeling as i've always imagined
we are more than just our two legs and our ridiculous seriousness
so much more
we are nothing and everything
all rolled into one great
magic mudball

things

i am obsessed
with throwing things away
and compacting things into small bins of the same sort
even though they're not my things
i think subconsciously
i know
that i am going somewhere
even if it's the same place
i am still going
somewhere
and i am getting rid of
things
to make space for more
space

old and new day

going somewhere again in two weeks
if not going somewhere again
moment by moment
while remaining still and present

light being floating in space
from elemental connection
of caves, oceans, flames, and gusts of winds
to nothing and everythingness

fresh candles and glossy red lips today
remixing old wax for new candles
remixing old oils for new salves
and then stretching tall for a long bike ride
down

rebirthing experience from before until now
recreating old boxes into new possibilities
reframing my head until suddenly it's all clear
and then i will dye it a forest green, or desert red

hands that hold, hands that support
hands that give, hands that receive
hands that balance and move
and dance on their own, and dance of our own

the sky is grey today
and i am whatever colors the moments bring

trash and gifts

it's a nonstop thing
this cleaning business
it's not just my own trash i need to clean up, clear out
it's other people's trash too

i also hold trash from my parents, and their parents, and their parent's parents
and i hold trash from my friends, and their friends, and their friend's friends
and as if all that isn't enough
there's trash from the whole entire world too

but along with the trash comes gifts
gifts that sometimes hide the trash
gifts that sometimes hide behind the trash

i'm tired of cleaning
but oh does it feel nice when all the trash is gone
and i am just surrounded by gifts

if

if
drip-drop sunsets
melt and mold
into dewdrop day gleam
shine star morning sun
into
melting and molding
drip-drop rain glimmers
life-giving to dry dust dirt
mish mash mixing
to form mud glorious mud
rising
by wind push pull drag run
fly
to embrace
heat source light love of all
sun

sit-spot: noon to dusk- some mountain- Bethany, CT

I've been around Connecticut for a total of about 10 months now. Since getting into this state, I've only hitchiked twice: once to visit Justin, the other time today. The last time, it took forever. Today, it was about as smooth as it gets: I stick out my thumb at the first car that passes, he stops and picks me up, we have nice conversation and find things in common, I get where I need to go... right before it gets dark. How perfect? Completely perfect. :)
Oh, and of the 10 months, this is also the second time getting "lost." Rare occasion. I cherished it.
Violets, quite an array: purple, yellow, purple with white dots, white with purple dots, white and purple striped (like a circus, yes!)
Mosquitoes got a meal today. I followed the stream down, in an attempt to get back to the stream I started at... got to a waterfall, instead. A "private" waterfall. Landed in rich man's land. Was amazed I caught a ride immediately! Hitchhiking is a great way of dispelling preconceived notions... and sometimes underlining them.
Big rocks up to, around, and on top of the mountain. Fabulous rocks to dance on, sing to, sleep with. I enjoyed them; they enjoyed me; we had a grand old time.
And now my feet are sore from barefoot running, jumping, dancing, lost-and-found-making all afternoon... and I am very pleased. :)
The town from up high looks so small. The trees overshadow the town. Trees in what looks like four rows: the front row of tall soft green trees, second row of reddish trees, third row soft green again, fourth row darker green. And many songs running through my head, including a line, "I see blue skies, I see butterflies, for us." Looking up to blue skies and black butterfly, yellow butterfly, white butterfly, and bees too. Oh, there's beauty everywhere. (and then, no word songs, just heartbeat and breath songs. mmm yes, maybe the best song of all)

sit-spot: afternoon- horse field- Bethany, CT

I'm gathering dandelions. big wind blowing. grasses weaving and waving like green oceans with yellow bubbles. I'm in yellow bubble dandelion bliss. sticky sweetness on my fingers, a myriad of soft white tufted dreams floating by, tossed on the wind. blessings and blessings, wishes, dreams, hopes, and questions. which one will come true?

birds flying by on the wind, on the wind. flocks and families weave and soar through the blue and white. landed in green and yellow, i can only watch and wonder.