to return to the desert
and work with "at-risk" youth
beautiful shining teenagers that society can't yet accept
and learn from plant-man doug
and a bunch of burros
and cacti
and mountains
and a sky so big and wide
that my heart floods with blue
that merges with red
into the most vivid healing purple i've ever seen
as the hot desert rocks boom their deep booms
and i know that
we are held
i really wanted!
to stay here and cultivate
the relationships and seeds that i've set
and slowly watched sprout
and am still blossoming
so much love for so many people
yet so often feeling so very
alone
and struggling
with restlessness and wants and needs and boundaries
boundaries
don't cross my boundaries
i am learning to see my boundaries
and bravely state them when i need to
no more hiding them
no more hiding
i am stepping out into the sunshine
from a morbid smoggy winter
and sweating beads of mingled pain and pleasure
the raw honesty of being alive and whole
with black, white, and all rainbow prismatic every nothings
swirled into a giant
center of the universe
cake!
cake
i really wanted!
yes i did!
and i still do
but i am learning
