Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts

8.07.2020

Mount Giraud & Motivation


I free-fall 40 feet, fracturing the crisp Sierra Nevada air. Bouncing and rolling down another 400 feet over rock and ice, I mar the tranquil alpine tundra with bones and blood. Somehow, I live. “What will you do with your one wild precious life?” whispers the landscape.

I quit my job and travel across the US and Asia, discovering myself through the world around me. I experience deep pain, wonder, confusion, and clarity. I guide wilderness trips, gaining grace and confidence. “I’m doing this for you,” I smile, “and me.”
I return to Mount Giraud three times, finally summiting its austere 12,608 foot beauty. I sit atop what transformed my life, gazing down, grateful. Again, “What will you do with your one wild precious life?”
I return to my roots and practice Chinese medicine, providing quality holistic healthcare with the same curiosity and respect as I’d approached Giraud. Wilderness experiences invigorate my embodied understanding of life, and the body. Nature bolsters classical Chinese medical theory, strengthens my clinical logic and intuition, and enlivens profound metaphors for explaining complex concepts and crafting well-rounded treatment plans.
I ground my busy professional life by digging in my garden, and exploring wild places inaccessible by car. On longer adventures, I challenge both constructed and actual physical and mental limitations, gracefully honoring what’s unchangeable, and gently transforming more malleable boundaries. Through experience, I ask my patients, students, and community, “What will you do with your one wild precious life?”


12.31.2019

My name


Lin Jiling 林基玲

My parents gave me an English and Chinese name. I used both growing up, but started going entirely by my Chinese name when I left the USA on a one-way ticket to Taiwan, on a back-to-my-roots adventure many years ago. Today, I still use my Chinese name, in gratitude for my ancestors, lineage, and the traditions of my Chinese culture in medicine, philosophy, and living a beauty life.

"Lin" 林 is my family name, which means "Forest." It depicts two ”mu" 木 (wood) standing side by side in proud yet humble solidarity.

"Ji" 基 comes from our family poem. Each generation receives the next word in the poem. I'm in the sixth generation of this poem! "Ji" means "Stable Foundation." The character "tu" 土 (Earth) forms the root foundation of the word itself.

"Ling" 玲 is the sound of jade bells blowing in the breeze from the top of a lofty mountain.

Just like acupuncture points, these words have individual meanings, but also meanings created through dancing together. "Jiling" 基玲 as a whole references a different "jiling" 機靈 (same sound, different characters), which means "awakened, spritely, spirited, or precocious."

Who are you?
What does your name mean?
Where do you come from?

10.31.2019

About Jiling


 Jiling Lin, L.Ac. 林基玲
acupuncture . herbs . yoga . wellness

Jiling is a Taiwanese-Californian Chinese medicine practitioner, herbalist, and yoga teacher in Ventura, CA. After finishing her UCLA art degree then experiencing a near-fatal climbing accident in 2006, Jiling traveled for a decade across USA and southeast Asia, studying and teaching traditional Earth-based skills. 

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Acupuncture + Herbs

Jiling studied traditional Chinese medicine at Alhambra Medical University, classical Chinese medicine at the National University of Natural Medicine, and western herbalism at the Northeast School of Botanical MedicineIthaca Free Clinic, and Colorado School of Clinical Herbalism

Yoga
Jiling studied Sivananda-style Hatha yoga with Yoga Vidya in southern India, taught in India, China, and Taiwan, and studied wilderness-based Wild Yoga with Balanced Rock in Yosemite. Jiling’s yoga classes build mobility, stability, flexibility, and strength in a gentle yet powerful fusion of body, breath, and mind for optimal passionate and compassionate life expression, wellness, and thrival
See "Classes" for ongoing class schedule.

Wellness
Between patients and students, Jiling is hiking, backpacking, surfing, climbing, and botanizing around Ventura, and beyond. 

9.23.2019

About Me


The Pharm asked us instructors a list of "Bio Questions" for their webpage. I'm sharing my answers here, to better introduce myself to those of you who I'm just getting to know. (My favorite blurb is the final one on "community," if you want to cut straight to the poetry.) ❤

- What forms of movement do you love and how/when did you find it?
Growing up in a meditating multi-cultural household in a mountain community and camping in the desert every weekend, I was exposed to expansive esoteric ideas at a young age. I've loved wilderness, creativity, and spirituality for as long as I can remember. Between patients and students, I'm hiking, backpacking, surfing, climbing, and botanizing around Ventura, and beyond. Dance, yoga, improvisational movement, and wilderness are core daily practices that ground and inspire me.

- What are you passionate about?  
Having fun while making the world a better place. Reconnecting people with their wild creative spirits. Co-creating internal and external resilient, compassionate, and connected communities. Optimizing thriving physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Experiencing regenerative deep, calm, and brilliant joy. Creating beauty.

- How do you plug into self?
Every morning, regardless of whether I wake in the wilderness, a foreign country, or my comfy bed, I begin my day pre-dawn with tea, journaling, and asana. Consistent daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly rituals bring orderly magic into my life. This includes sit spot (nature connection), making music, I-Jing (reading classical Chinese philosophy), outdoor adventures aplenty, moon celebrations, gardening and more. Life is art.

- What does community mean to you?
We are raindrops rippling over an infinite Ocean. I am an individual raindrop, though I am also the whole Ocean. My circles of influence ripple out near and far, intersecting with myriad other raindrops and ripples, eventually touching the whole thing. We ARE the Ocean. We co-create with, while being held and created BY the Ocean. Our every action holds great power.

1.01.2018

ProjectME 2017






















It's been a busy and delicious year. Here's my yearly sharing of daily self portraits. There's much less this year, since I traveled for half of 2017. When I'm fully present or super busy, I sometimes make less photos. We'll see how this project evolves into the future.

2018 is my final full year of school. I plan to graduate in June 2019. Other big projects lie ahead, requiring a lot of time and creativity. But here, I enjoy the ritual of daily portraiture. Reviewing my year through my photos is satisfying, and humbling. I live a splendid life. I am grateful.

This is the twelfth year of this project. I will modify and reinvigorate the project, this year. Thanks for viewing, and for participating in my life! May this new year of 2018, Earth Dog year (Lunar New Year on Feb 16), bring you peace and great Beauty.

Love,
Jiling 林基玲

~

2017 in review

Jan - Mar
Portland, OR (National University of Natural Medicine)

Apr - June
OR--> CA (via coast for Tierra's workshop, and courting the Pacific)
WA (Interplay training)
CO--> WI--> CO (for Midwest Women's Herbal Conference)

July - Aug
Yunnan province, China (leading with Where There Be Dragons)

Sept
Taiwan (solo skirted bike circumnavigation)

Oct - Dec
Los Angeles, CA (Alhambra Medical University)

12.31.2016

Project ME 2016









 

I moved from Connecticut to Portland, OR at the beginning of this year, to begin my four year journey through Chinese medicine graduate studies at the National University of Natural Medicine (NUNM). It's been a challenging year, living in darkness, sitting indoors too much, and struggling with schoolwork. It still feels worth it, though I'm considering transferring to a cheaper school in a warmer climate. I'm still learning and growing a lot, in this dance between school life and personal well-being.

I've been photographing myself everyday for the past eleven years with “ProjectME” (My Evolution). This year, I only made self-portraits for half of the year, due to the darkness, lack of inspiration, and re-prioritization of time. Who knows? I might evolve right out of it. But, I hope not. It offers an incredible sequence of images for me to reflect on at the end of the year, while reminding me of my roots as a photographer and artist, no matter where plant medicine, and now Chinese med school, takes me. So, in 2017, I re-commit to this project, and my creative passions and curiosities, regardless of darkness or busy-ness. Thanks for joining me on my 2016 journey.

Outside of school, other highlights of this year include backpacking around the Oregonian Cascades, teaching at the Women’s Herbal Conference in WI and the Beloved Festival in OR, hot-springs dipping, festival-hopping, dancing at the “Plenty” contact improv jam, river-tracing in the Gorge, wild-crafting during the green season, dancing with large stones in rivers and the Ocean, volunteering as an herbalist at Standing Rock, beginning my Interplay Leader’s training, and falling in love with water even more. I’m getting more settled, and grateful to live, since March, in the beautiful hills above school, in my peaceful and sacred little squirrel nest loft and apothecary/ kitchen, right next to Forest Park. I’m slowly falling in love with the Pacific Northwest rainforest and her plants, fungi, and creatures, especially Owls and Oplopanax. The local hot springs and volcanic mountains also have my heart, especially Wy’East (aka. Mt Hood), the great Mountain that watches over our dark wet city of great hope, enduring challenge, and small pockets of incredible community.

2017 is my second of four years of grad school in OR. I'll teach at the Midwest Women's Herbal Conference again in WI in early June, then return to China and Taiwan for the rest of summer. Besides completing my Interplay Leader's training in WA in between classes, other 2017 travels include CA, NM, and hopefully CT/ NY/ MA. It's a non-stop year of both studying and teaching, with a few open weeks in early September and late December for rest, projects, and more travels.

May this coming new year bring you the inner peace to hear your Heart-song, and the courage, strength, passion, perseverance, and inner fire to bring all of your greatest hopes and dreams shining brilliantly into this world, blessing all of our lives, and communities.

Much love, gratitude, and magic, 
Jiling

~
A retrospective: 
2014

1.01.2016

Project Me 2015



Happy New Year, 2016, friends and extended family! Below is a group email that I sent out, during winter solstice. Let me know if you want to be added to my list. This "Project Me" daily self-portrait has been an ongoing commitment since winter 2005. Yes, I've been photographing myself almost every morning, for the past 10 years. This year I missed the most days in all of the 10 years of self-portraits. I left for work pre-dawn two days a week (sometimes more), camped out a lot, traveled even more, and now live in a dark environment where it's difficult to photograph with natural light, which is my preference. So, my project's changing. We'll see how it progresses. I'm still in love with the process. It's already evolved over time, ofcourse. You can see past "Project ME" yearly contact sheet collections via here:
http://linjiling.blogspot.com/search/label/projectME

I use a free program called, "Contact Sheets" to compile the images. Contact Sheets does a poor job of arranging things perfectly chronologically--- but, it's relatively close. See if you can rearrange things correctly, if you'd like.

Making daily self portraits is a humbling experience that underlines my humanity, and seeks to document the transient nature of life. My life. "My" life. I share these images as a way of documenting things both for myself, as well as to share for others to see what they will in me, and in themselves. Reflections of reflections of reflections. Divinity and humanity, animal and God in all of the above.

Enjoy this journey. I love hearing your feedback.

I hope that this fresh new 2016 year brings you amazing adventures that you never even deemed possible.

With that, my mass email is attached below.
With humble love and deep gratitude,
Jiling

~
Dear community, (家人們好!中文在最底下哦!)

As this year evolves into the next, I look back with a huge, “Whew!” And look forward with a massive, “Yes!” I hope that your year has been amazing, and would love to hear about it, too! Mine has been quite epic: I traveled to or through 38 of the 50 USA states, starting 2015 in the gorgeous Gila wilderness of southern New Mexico (NM), then traveling to California (CA), driving cross-country via the southern route to Connecticut (CT), where I taught Earth skills to youth and herbalism to adults while home-basing in an ancient barn with my dear elder Billy and sweet buddy Karen to travel out and come back, teaching- studying-adventuring to Montana, Florida, New Mexico, and even Maine, and most recently driving back across the country via the northern route to Oregon, where I now sit with most of my worldly belongings still heavily weighing down my car on a pre-dawn morning, sipping tea, dreaming, smiling, and organizing my schedule for the next two weeks, before I return to CA for a final celebration/ stuff-collection, before starting the Doctor’s of Science in Oriental Medicine (DSOM) classical Chinese medicine (CCM) program at the National College of Natural Medicine (NCNM) here in Portland, OR a few days after the inception of 2016.

I’m writing this email to update you on my life, and welcome you to visit me in Portland, since I’m here for the next four years of my life for school, and more. I feel some uncertainty around being in a city for so long, and am still hammering out the details of my living situation, and new home. I hope to find an affordable/ for-trade natural-living situation that allows me to live close to the Earth, while focusing on school in a peaceful, supportive environment, continuing to develop my western herbal skills, and honing my Chinese medicine (acupuncture and herbs) skills as a practitioner, educator, and scholar. I want to make a lovely nest, and stay there for four years. Got ideas/ suggestions?

In 2016, I have two herb-gatherings lined up: I’ll travel to NM in September, and WI in July. Besides that, I’ll occasionally travel to southern CA to visit my family, and NM to look for a place to live. Starting school this winter, I have no school breaks until summer 2017, where I hope to return to Taiwan/ China to fall in love again with what originally drew me to this medicine... then, back to the USA. I won’t be traveling around as much for now. But, I’m still rollin’. See you around! If you have suggestions/ connections for my herbal (western, and now Chinese, too!) work/ travels, or here in Portland, or anything else, then please connect me!

My current longterm plans involve being amazing here in Portland for the next four years, then moving back to NM to develop a small homestead/ healing center, and create a Chinese medicine/ western herbalism integrated practice. We’ll see how the next four years ripen and evolve that vision. I’m open to possibilities. The future smells delicious. The present is even juicier.
  
May the richness of your life bring joy and satisfaction to all your days. May you find your inner strength and courage to follow your path of heart. May the world rise to meet your Earthen beloved feet. May the coming new year, and each simple-yet-complex moment of your whole simple-yet-complex absolutely gorgeous journey, be absolutely delicious.

Love (and a wink),
Jiling

~
家人們好!
基玲今年在美國繞圈圈, 去了五十州內的三十八個州。 大部分時間住在東北岸教野外求生和藥草課。 剛搬到俄勒岡州, 進入中醫研究所, 未來四年的路程。 打算四年之後, 搬回新墨西哥州蓋個小木屋, 開診所。 四年之內, 打算一邊好好的學習中醫, 一邊繼續教西方藥草課, 看病人, 和享受人生!
祝你新年快樂, 心想事成, 萬事如意!
敬, 基玲

10.10.2015

NCNM Personal Statement


There's a 1000 word limit that I had to stay within. Sometimes when I get inspired, I just write and write. I cut a lot out to meet the word limit; there is so much more to say. There is always more to say. And, when it comes down to it, the story means nothing (even though it sometimes feels like everything. And it does provide a basis for everything else, in the mythology of my life, and the world that I've woven around myself in my head, and therefore also in reality.)

I left the Academy for Five Element Acupuncture (AFEA). It was a complex multi-layered decision that I still feel deeply conflicted about: sad, angry, somewhat helpless... and, necessary. And now, onwards.

I just sent in my application for the National College of Natural Medicine (NCNM) in Portland, OR. I don't have many friends or connections in the Portland area, and am looking for connections and support, especially around finding affordable housing, preferably an "alternative" housing situation where I can do worktrade in exchange for a place to make a nest, make beautiful, and rest at night. NCNM will be an intense education; a "real" Chinese medicine education that includes the study of classical Chinese, translating ancient texts, as well as engaging full-time in school, work, clinic, personal practice, memorization, experiencing, and so much more.

I applied for, and hope to embark on, the Doctors of Science in Oriental Medicine (DSOM) program, beginning January 2016. It will be more than double the cost of education at AFEA. The total should add up to around $130,000 for just tuition alone. After considering my options, this one still feels like the best one. Daunting, yes.

I want to share one of my application essays with you. And, I want to ask for your assistance for school finances, again. You can donate via my Jiling Botanicals business page here, or you can just send me a check (preferable, so I don't get money deducted from using a credit card). Any help is appreciated--- I'm asking for at least $5 from each person, if possible. If not, then send me your prayers; I'll need it!

There are four essays required for the application to NCNM. I should hear if I get accepted or not within a week or two. I expect an easy acceptance, but who knows.

Writing all four of the essays brought me to tears. Making this commitment is truly life-changing for myself and all those I come into contact with. It feels like a decision that is larger than just my life, not just affecting my future clients and students, but also wrapped into the fabric of my very being, and all of my ancestors. It feels deeply personal, and through its depth of connection with my heart and being, touches humanity.

Thanks for reading!

---
Personal Statement
Jiling Lin, 10/ 2015

We lit candles, placing them into lanterns, then paraded around the empty streets with our colorful florally painted paper lanterns swinging from ropes, suspended on chopsticks that we delicately held in our small hands, as we tried not to run too fast, or jump too high with excitement. I loved singing the old Chinese songs, eating moon cake, and staring at the moon during the Moon Festival, lighting our incense sticks and wafting their magical perfume up towards the sky, with muttered prayers flying up with the smoke, to reach the ears and nostrils of our ancestors. I grew up in a white neighborhood, getting stereotypical Asian-sounds thrown at me like bullets from across the playground. I wore red often, feeling a connection with a land across the ocean where my parents and ancestors came from, where I spent the first year of my life, where I didn’t get to return to much at all again, until after I grew up, after experiencing the blessings and difficulties of being a first generation Taiwanese-American in a new land but still feeling a curiosity, affinity, and pride, for where I felt like I really came from.

I studied Native American traditions, western herbalism, Thai massage, Yoga, esoteric spiritual new-agey traditions from all over, and more. Nothing really connected, until I met a man nicknamed “Tofu” through a series of coincidences, who sees patients for free in his humble mountain abode of the YangMingShan Mountains that lie to the north of the capitol of Taiwan, Taipei, where my parents were born and raised, where the pre-birth of my birth arose from the Earth, where my grandparents fled when the Communists took over China, where I went and lived for three years after three years of travel around the USA as an adult after graduating from UCLA, where I re-fell in love with something ancient, refound my bones, resculpted myself, and then returned to the USA with something that I didn’t have before: a vision.

I just started teaching my own western herbal classes last July, after completing 1.5 years of formal intensive education at two different herb schools. Teaching has been invaluable for solidifying all that I learned in school, while continually challenging all I think I know and don’t know, constantly humbling me, while slowly and gently increasing my confidence. Embarking on this Chinese medicine school journeys feels like starting all over again, but also like returning home, back to something so very familiar, tucked into the folds of my childhood dreams, of falling asleep to the sound of my grandma counting her prayer beads, knocking on her wooden fish, and singing all the old Buddhist chants in a high-pitched, nasal, single-toned sing-song voice, led from her heart; falling asleep to the smell of complex Chinese herbal formulas stewing in old clay pots, then waking to the babbling of a community of elders and children, a true community moving around me.

He placed a needle in my hand. “Start with yourself,” he said. He showed me where my He Gu (LI 4) is, and how to needle it. It took me a while to actually dredge up the courage to needle myself. Then, I did it. The simultaneous pain and exciting electricity shot from the point of needled contact up the meridian line, and electrified, ecstatified my entire system. “Sing the body electric,” said Whitman. I felt it.

Where to, from here?

I started traveling intensively after graduating from college, eventually landing myself at the bottom of a cliff after a failed mountain summit deep in the Sierra Nevadas, after free-falling forty feet, and rolling 400 feet to what luckily was not a death, but was instead a rebirth: two broken wrists, a fractured chin, a cracked skull, and half my face torn off. Many stitches and surgery later, I returned to the world physically, emotionally, and spiritually shattered and changed. Impossible to return to my job as a “mere” photojournalist, I turned to the road, to a life of infinite possibilities and possible impossibilities, where nothing was clear, until after walking with the unclarity for a long enough distance, I eventually stomped out a clear enough path to notice the way I was walking, the patterns therein: wilderness, creativity, and spirituality. Body, mind, and spirit. Healing the entire person, the entire being.

It starts simultaneously inside and outside, and there are no clear answers. Every process is a journey, a process. I start with myself.

I experience dull chronic pain in my wrist, which is exacerbated by stress, coldness, and dampness. Coagulated scar tissue sits at the area of surgery, right along my Pericardium meridian. I experience numbness and tingling in my fingers, among various other symptoms that arose after my transformative mountain experience. Part of my travels was learning how to feel better, how to heal fully, how to embrace life again, after being so painfully close to death. I learned that the best, most powerful medicine that one can embrace is that which one feels an affinity with. I feel passionate about old traditions, paths that carry weight via time, experience, story, and lived lives. I love the tales of those who came before, especially if they are finely wrapped in magic and mythology, these nonliteral metaphorical tales that fire my blood and reinforce all the ways in which I’m woven into this world, via my heartstrings, inspired connection of Earth, plant, body, and life medicine. Story, connection, and Earth healed me back into life. Now, for more questions: how can I continue to walk my path in such a way as to continue helping others on their own healing paths? Herbalist, adventurer, educator, and bridger between the worlds of Taiwanese and American, seen and unseen, old and new, microcosm within macrocosm--- here, I stand at the brink of Classical Chinese medicine studies at NCNM, knocking on the door, with an open heart and mind.

8.30.2015

Lyme: my story


I just swallowed my final Doxycycline hyclate capsule, or “Doxy” for short. I started taking Doxy almost as soon as I landed in Gainesville, FL, less than 24 hours before beginning a three year Chinese medicine academic journey with the Academy of Five Element Acupuncture. We just finished our first “intensive” yesterday. I’m unsure if I will return. I’ve swallowed 100 mg of Doxy every morning and night for the past 19 days of school, besides four pills (loading dose) on the first day of my treatment regime, and my final pill this morning. I’ve also been taking three pills three times a day of Green Dragon Botanicals’ “LB Core Protocol” pills, which includes Japanese Knotweed root, Cats Claw vine bark, Andrographis, Sarsparilla root, and Dandelion.

I staffed a campout with Two Coyotes Wilderness School’s “Scout Tracker” program ten days before leaving CT for FL. I worked the camp season for most of July, spending the bulk of almost everyday in the field with kids, and regularly pulling ticks off of my body, with raising alarm, but also recognizing that it’s just part of life in the northeast, especially CT, the state where Lyme disease was first discovered, and in fact the town of Old Lyme peacefully resides. I drove home quickly after my final campout, as I had a busy evening planned, that led into a busy weekend, that led into my final few crazy whirlwind over-scheduled days in CT before leaving for FL. I did my regular tick check when I got home, extracted two tiny tightly-embedded ticks out of my body, noticed what looked like a tick in a hard-to-reach area, tried to extract it but couldn’t so left it, then proceeded to my evening activities. I started taking Astragalus and Echinacea prophylactically, in case I didn’t extract one of the ticks in time. It usually takes about 48 hours of a Lyme-carrying tick being embedded for the spirochetes to transform themselves into their correct shape to successfully enter and take over a human body. But, it really depends on the individual. I take Astragalus preventatively, just in case. But, the stress of the past month of work and upcoming travels probably kicked my immune system down several notches. Plus, that little black dot at the top of my butt crack that I couldn’t extract was actually a tick.

The bite flared up at the end of the weekend, after I returned from a trip to the north. I thought it could be a spider bite: hot, pulsating, painful, and tender to the touch. It hurt to sit. I remembered the little black dot that I couldn’t extract being on the same location as the bite, and so upped my Astragalus intake, but started treating the huge rash like I would topically, for a spider bite. The rash stayed for the rest of the week, not changing at all. It wasn’t until I boarded the train, that things changed.

Bumping along in the dusk approaching North Carolina, I had trouble falling asleep. It was difficult to get comfortable in my seat, due to the huge welt on my butt. In the tiny stinky bathroom, I inspected the rash. To my horror, it had changed into a Bull’s eye rash, one obvious symptom of Lyme disease. Sometimes people present with Bull’s eye rashes, but not always. The center of my rash had dried up and was peeling, due to my spider-bite treatment of cooling and drying the bite. The couple of days before leaving CT, the bite had developed a thin red line along the edge that I thought could be Lyme, but didn’t want to be, so refused to believe it. Note to others: if you think it can be Lyme, take care of it immediately. And, ask for help. I was “too busy” to stop and take full account of what was happening. I felt too shy to ask for help initially, as the little black dot was right at the top of my butt crack, an awkward place to ask for assistance in extracting what could be a tick... but what if it wasn’t? Well, it was. Take no chances.

I share this story because Lyme is so powerful, unexpected, and potentially life-threatening. Left untreated, chronic Lyme can render a person consistently tired, in pain, and can manifest in a variety of ways from completely debilitating to mildly uncomfortable. Having listened to Lyme specialist Julie McIntyre’s experience and stories and watched her in her clinical practice, I am fearful and respectful of Lyme, and do not want it in my body, especially as a young person, a fresh student, and a whole world, a whole life, in front of me.

After finally accepting that I had Lyme, crying as I entered Gainesville on the bus, and frantically text-messaging a bevy of friends across the country for suggestions and support, I felt ridiculous about my life. I grew up in California. My family is still there, and my extended family is in Taiwan. Most of my extended-non-blood family is in the northeast. My heartstrings are attached to the northeast and southwest. What am I doing, coming to school down here in FL. What am I doing, living on the east, where Lyme is a part of life and mountains are not that big, continuing to cultivate life and love in a place that doesn’t quite suit me. What am I doing. I belong in a dry warm climate, with mountains and wilderness. The longer I spend there, the more friends I will find there. And all of my northeast friends, work, community, possibilities? I can travel. But (I think) I want to--- need to--- root down back in the west.

I got Doxy as soon as I could after landing. It’s a strong antibiotic, and pretty much the only known “cure” for Lyme that usually only works if taken within a short while after infection. I lucked out with the herbs; a local herbalist had some extra pills leftover from another Lymey person, and bequeathed me all of her leftover pills.

I will continue taking the LB core protocol herbal pills, three pills, three times a day, until I run out of them. I can sit on my butt, again. The painfulness of the rash went away after a week of taking Doxy, though I still have a huge gray circle on my ass, where the rash was, before. I hope it goes away. But now, when I look at it, it reminds me of important questions. The big gray circle where the rash was is at the top of my butt crack, and the bottom of my sacrum, coccyx, root chakra, Muladhara. Where do I come from. Where do I belong. What’s really home. What’s really important. What do I sit upon, root into. What’s my base, my foundation. What’s really important.

I’ll let that question sit within me and help direct my next steps, as I fly back to New Mexico on Tuesday, and then back to Connecticut three weeks after that.


I’m living my questions. 

12.31.2014

2014

A year of hope and heartbreak, boredom and adventure. A year of possibilities and perserverance, pain and pleasure. A year, indeed. My year: half a year of school, finishing school, then traveling in the USA again, experiencing the freeing yet dreaded “no schedule” that that completion offers, the ensuing questions, the fresh journey of refinding and redefining myself, and beginning to share in new ways, with new projects: Jiling Botanicals, travel-teaching-and-consulting, house-sitting-hopping, and more.

Cheers to endings, which were once beginnings. Cheers to beginnings, which are just endings transforming themselves into something that looks and feels new. Cheers to another step towards death, via a full life, such a full full life, one day after another.

I started “Project ME” (My Evolution) in 2005. This is the ninth year of the project’s evolution, and documents quite a journey, a journey of days. I started writing daily sentences mid July of this year. I strung together all of this year’s sentences underneath the 2014 Project ME collection. I share, in hopes that whatever glimmers of humanity you notice, you may relate as you choose, and feel less alone in this journey of life. Or, enjoy just experiencing a glimpse of another’s life, my life, via a day by day, step by step, constantly evolving, personal documentary.

May you fully digest your own events of the past year, and move into the new year with strength of will, clarity of purpose, and peace of heart. May every particle of your being sing to its highest potential in each moment, and may you be fully there to enjoy the symphony.

- Jiling  












Watching the river move the moss stuck against the stones, suddenly I notice myself removed from myself, then return again, even more present than before. I’m back at home, in the home where I grew up. The sun flows like a river down over the mountains and cacti, bringing a new day in with bird song. Packing and unpacking stuff perhaps takes up half my life’s activities. I hope that all my work is truly helpful. I’m back at my favorite place in the world: on a rock, in the middle of a stream, with dappling sun and shade, bird song, and a light breeze. Heath is multidimensional, as are people. Weight-sharing, connecting through the center, feeling the plumb-line, listening, giving and receiving... thus is contact improvisation, a relationship, all of Life. When I overeat, my belly protrudes from my body as if I’m pregnant, or wearing a basketball. I spend a lot of time packing and unpacking, preparing and planning, processing and digesting, reflecting. The wind blows cold awareness into my limbs. Stepping back, all the important little things suddenly look so trivial, compared with the countless stars and giant stones of this grandiose landscape. Walking up the moonlit path feels like walking towards the Temple of the Sky Gods. The pine arms reach across the brightening blue sky towards the neighboring mountains, with golden sunlight pouring down their steep gray scree fields. After eight years, today is a day where old dreams and goals finally come into fruition. Anger turns even the most magical, beautiful landscape a dull, ugly sheen. The rising sun illuminates all the stones that stand like sentinels, saluting the gracefully reaching pines, calling cows and birds, and wind that wraps itself into the deepest reaches of my very being. This morning’s sun reflects last night’s tears and blood. I’ve entered this new world with Opuntia wrightii gloccids in my mouth, hands, feet, and more. Fully moving into a place without fully knowing how long I will stay or what I will do feels familiarly like trusting the Universe, gambling with God, and surrendering to intuition, led by love. Life is filled with tiny details that coalesce together into a massive whole, that may or may not make sense, depending on the viewer’s perspective, and state of mind. With a straight yet flexible spine, my core is strong, and I stand up for myself and my beliefs. I feel exhausted most of the time. To know, to love, and to be completely present with are ideally simultaneous, but oftentimes separate. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I’m going somewhere right. I want to create something beautiful, useful, and long lasting today, and everyday. Unfulfilled creative potential feels like a growing bomb getting ready to explode within me. I’m about ready to implode, right now. The mosquitoes here are almost worse than in New England. Part of me loves going nonstop, and part of me just feels unrepairably tired. I live my life as art. It’s been a really good morning. I love the feeling of infinite possibility, like I can walk forever, and the wilderness opens to receive me, with endless new discoveries around every bend and minutiae. The canyon stretched before us like a twisted snake of mysterious bends, a richly rolling river, diverse plants, and gently towering cliffs looming above, topped by growling thunder and darkening clouds bearing life-giving rains. I love when I can skillfully ride my dosha like the bad-ass spirited human that I am, behind and through the dosha. I will return in one month; I know, I promise, I will. Sleeping under the stars in my mosquito net castle, serenaded by passing cars, crickets, and mosquitoes, I cuddle tighter into my wool blanket on my oak leaf bed, feeling at peace, at home, and completely embraced by the world. I am in love with his eyes, smile, being, and questions. The hitchhiking gods beamed upon me, yesterday. I love, love, love mountains, canyons, rivers, deserts, and ecstatic exploration. I’m letting go of preconceived notions and this chattering mind, and settling in, opening up. I’m not always this charismatic, but I’m having fun. I’m sleeping here for the final night, as clouds move across the full moon, and I question all that I think I know, and believe in. In five days, I’ve added so many things to my inner toolkit: heart-field expansion, inner child and inner infant work, inner vision council, and scanning awareness. There’s something I love so much about canyons that words just can’t describe. Walking away, I feel the heat of what I’m leaving, the tangible-visible-innate magic, mystery, and majesty of these labyrinth-like canyons, these echoing red rock cliff faces, and these ancient stones that say so much, with nary a word at all. Feeling my skin against his again is so much more delightful than just thinking about it. I am finding my internal middle ground, that perfect settling place of understanding that external perfection can only be found through an internal acceptance (and even enjoyment) of all things and life circumstances as perfectly imperfect. The individual stories either weave themselves into an elegant basket that breathes, flexible and supportive, or they create an impenetrable wall of protection that dulls sensory input and acts as a cage to the owner, and all they encounter. The Moon gracefully walked across the Sky, between the path created by the opening between the trees, beneath which we slumbered and dreamed delicious dreams. Everything that I thought I knew feels fake and empty, like I have nothing solid to return to, and nothing to look forward to, or live for. Although I feel a complete and utter desolation of my Spirit right now, I also feel glad to be on this farm with the morning cacophony of horny hungry geese, ducks, and chickens, and in the company of all these fruit trees, veggies, herbs, and my dear old friend that feels like the most inspiring and hilarious younger brother I’ve ever had. I want to know how to help someone--- how to help myself--- in those moments when the human Spirit loses all resolve, motivation, and excitement for life. This sunrise glinting through all the dewdrops that appeared overnight gives me hope. We must go through the dark forest, not around it. My entire being is spinning with ideas, inspiration, and excitement. I want to remember this feeling of empassioned and bold aliveness, with hearing Wolf and so many other acclaimed herbalists telling us to be bad, not be afraid, and go out and create lasting positive change in the world and our communities. It feels so nice to be this comfortable, and to truly rest. I feel so tired, excited, stressed, inspired, overwhelmed, overworked, overstimulated, and just ridiculous right now. Herbalism is about establishing relationships with plants and the world around us, and facilitating that for our clients and community, too. The mountains told me to stop for a moment, so I did. While the winds stir up dust, clouds, and emotions, I sit under the shade of this large stone, watching the landscape do its dance of the day , and listening to its stories. I stayed awake all night to feel the wind toss my body across the stern granite ocean, to go prancing and howling across the desert mountains, hills, and plains with my coyote brethren, and to watch the stars dance across the sky, with lightning illuminating the neighboring mountains, breathing the deepest breaths of peace, delight, and truly Earthen blessings. I feel terrified yet delighted, ecstatic to scale these dangerous fourth class Arizona canyon walls that take me seemingly nowhere but up, dangerously up. During the in-between hours of dawn and twilight, there’s a certain timelessness and transience that permeates the landscape with a magic and beauty that is explosive yet subtle in all its vibrant potential. Is this the peace before the storm, or is it just peace? The first step of my journey of a thousand miles began today, by painting our/ my future/ upcoming clinic a deep/ bright earthen red. I possess an obsessive compulsion to complete what I’ve started, even though I still can’t fathom just how it will all work out. I am building a temple. I love working with mental illness. Living off-grid again might be an upcoming reality, which I embrace. Clouds feel protective right now, as I hide. I found a hawk feather, golden Cottonwood leaves, a dried river bed that flows into more, Osage Orange fruit, apple butter, a dead mouse, a massive black walnut tree, a field of Yerba Manza, a killed javelina, and how to renew life and hope from what feels like a deadened spirit: time. I woke up dreaming about labels. Today the Herb Temple, albeit incomplete, opens its doors to the public. Today’s our six month anniversary, between spring and autumn, and two hearts, two paths, two lives that converged and mutually decided to continue dancing together, to the clapping hands and delight of the Universe, herself. This morning, I promised this wild western winding muddy magnificent river of the Gila watershed, with its Heathen’s Baptismal hot springs, to unleash my tongue: as “good” (societally acceptable) me floats down the river, “bad” (societally overwhelming, alarmingly wild and untamed) me dances boisterously, naked and howling. Transition is a funnel: death to one life, purgatory, then rebirth into a new life. The fairy dusters have blossomed for the second time this year, late in the season, testament to the surprising amounts of rain, coupled with the encroaching cold via wintry nights, yet sunshiny days. The nights are now cold enough that Akimel, our coyote-chow puppy, sleeps on the bed with us, most notably wedging his little coppery golden body between my legs in the middle of the night. I just said, “yes” to something that I don’t wholly agree with, and find confusing yet alluring, but don’t feel like I have anything else fitting to say, “yes” to with my entire being, at the moment. My fears rise up like a flock of birds, lifting to cover the sky of my heart with their fluttering wings of questions, doubts, confusion, and the bones of despair, an underlying feeling of complete inadequacy. I’m glad to cry, rest, write, and take a day to myself to dream, be, emote, and dive into the waters of teary eyed emotional creativity with many pots of tea. We laughed, danced, cried, and had a really good time taking a chance and having a blast, to remember this moment for the rest of our lives. We walked across the starlit landscape hand in hand, surveying the Milky Way while discussing the mundane challenges and triumphs of our busy yet banal lives. I really don’t know anything at all, for there’s really nothing to know--- and that’s it. Gravity drew me, bike and all, down the gully and into the gravelly wash; pendulumatic motions and muscles drew me back out again, screaming and laughing with unfettered delight. I’m not sure what happened, but all has suddenly lost meaning once more, and I’m drowning in my own tears. That trip brought me to my knees. I have questions that revolve around culture, belonging, place, home, being, purpose, choice, meaning, and possibility. The satisfying feeling of going fast towards somewhere unknown yet known, with my Breath and Heartbeat echoing around the surrounding landscape, reminds me of personal promises made to this and other lands, and I recommit to running daily. Let this ending welcome a new beginning; let this new beginning be a solid reminder of the consistency of this cycle, and the humbleness it necessitates. I really want to run away, but really don’t know where I’d go, and how things could get better. Even if ignorance really is bliss, it’s already too late; I know too much to play dumb. Leaving is always an option; staying is more difficult, and questionable. Her fairy wings and pretty sparkles remind me that there’s no need to be so curmudgeonly all the time, if ever. May many more fun fantastic tea parties follow the one today, which was the first, under my care of the Herb Temple. My rapidly dying friend’s mysterious adventure into the unknown known fills me with sadness, but also an increased awareness and respect for the preciousness of this one transient life we have to live , with an increased inner resolve to not waste my time on anything unworthy of it, and live it it up. I quit my job, and am now embarking on a journey back to New Mexico and Texas, to collect seeds, explore relationships, renew my trust in how I dance with the Universe, and shake myself loose to allow the Wind to expose and revitalize my Heart again, and hear the echoes of our collective singing and screaming reflected back to me, across the canyon walls, as the miles blend together, and I fall asleep to the familiar, comforting, yet also deadening thud of rubber against pavement, the whoosh of the land rushing by--- and I pray. Sitting in the back of his steamed up truck with a misty fairytale landscape awaiting discovery outside, and our sleeping bags connected and the coppery coyote laying on my feet, anything can step out of the mist, declare me its child, and dash off with me into this wild wet wondrous world of unknowns; time to go for a jog, and key out some plants. Bitterly, I wonder if he forgot to introduce me, or if he just did not know how to introduce me? We’re camped next to a dried stream, with proud Mullein bearing second year tall golden flower arrangements still present, long dead candle-heads of flowers come and gone this season, and first year simple fuzzy basal rosette of leaves, all brightly arranged against the rocky soil under the Oaks with leaves already fallen, to the backdrop of more scraggly Oaks climbing a goldenly grassed hill, jacketed in its summer glory, ready for winter. Unable to sleep soundly due to colorful powerful dreams, I wake this morning to light incense and prayers for today, which lies between the Summer and Winter Solstice as the day in the year when the veil between the world is thinnest, transitioning between birth and death, heat and coldness, the known and unknown. After repeated self-affirmations of one’s own worthlessness and lack of belonging, these words sink into the strata of one’s deepest being, lodging themselves into the mythology of one’s life, and becomes true. Sky’s rapidly changing color from black into myriad rainbow colors, then soon into the bluest blue of simultaneous hope and the roof of all possibilities, unless you’re an astronaut; I’m just an herbalist, no astronaut, so the Sky really is the limit, but I’ll purposefully forget that, and ride on the wings of the nearest canyon wren, to the uplifting tunes of its soaring vocal melodies, to rise, weaving through, dipping under, and echoing around and far past all of these wild winding massive mountains, discovering their secrets, unveiling more, and walking, flying, and living through then back into the shattered infinite rainbows of a life of questions, lived courageously, joyfully, and gorgeously. Just when I thought a dream had fizzled out, there it stands again in the distance, waving at me with a wink and a smile, and wearing a super alluring costume of my favorite colors, laughing and dancing, pointing out the way, which has always been in front of me, but I’d just never really notice before, but had been walking it nonetheless, for it was a beautiful path to walk, and simply laid out ahead and below me, one step at a time. Water droplets showered down, veil-like, blown upon the wind, dancing elegantly with its elemental rawness of water rushing forward, lit by Sun, drawn down by gravity against the Earthen stones, tossed by windy air to dance as I too choose and wish to dance, as freely and elegantly, going with the flow while choosing my own route to follow. It was good to see your faces again, Mothers and Fathers, to feel your breath, hear your voices, and touch your hands. After eleven days away, tomorrow we return, but today I grieve the loss of travels and freedom, dread the return to what feels like purgatory or self-conceived Hell, and ponder the dreadful yet persistent, possibility laden question of where to go from here, what to do with my Life, and how to find joy, community, Home, belonging, hope, fulfillment, and make a meaningful livelihood, too. After waiting for almost an hour, the first gleams of sunlight have finally kissed the top branches of the Ponderosa Pine guarding our camp, with sunlight quickly sliding down the tree, and dancing through the pine needle strewn forest floor, jays arguing in the distance, the smell of fresh pines, and a stiff wintery wind calling me to step deeper into the unknowns of the forested wood, and bring my courage with. Everything has fallen apart, and is falling still; I have nothing solid to stand upon, and am sinking, falling, shattering, dying, getting crushed up and digested back into the primordial black mulchy unknown, and it’s painful, terrifying, heart-breaking, limb-wrenching, gut-tearing, tear-bombing, death-defying, because after all this, somehow I’m still alive, though feelingly only partially so, and partially wishing it weren’t so, but mostly not knowing at all, and knowing myself as utterly lost. Anything could always happen, but now, I’m preparing for all that could happen, to do it all at once, though I really just want to grow restfully and beautifully, and not too fast. With the sudden closing of our emotional connections, I wonder if it was ever truly there, to begin with. Once again, it’s packing time: things, emotions, all pieces of myself, all packed back into packages and bundles small and large, awaiting the next opportunity to open, blossom, and fall in love again, as we enter the winter of this year, the darkness of my Heart’s breaking, and the embittering pain of a million needles stuck into the rawest, most vulnerable places, the deepest chord of which is unrequited love. I am wholeheartedly grateful to the magical line that connects all things, that even though things are currently scary and uncertain in my life, I am still healthy, with options and welcomes, and ancestors that feed and watch me, especially as I sleep, through powerful story-telling and directive dreams that sometimes guide literally, other time symbolically, but always magically. My sadness has progressed, deep into the deepest, darkest part of my Being, to hide, weeping like a million Moons, with no Sun to illuminate their Beauty, or glistening tears, all drowned out by the sound of the rain bashing against stones, causing flash floods and landslides, washing the surface veneer of my external facade clean, with a hard flat smile that betrays nothing, but only to a trained eye, one that sees, all the dull heartbreaks of almost thirty years of existence, and much more beyond that, lie gleaming, polished and unpolished, yet blanketed behind eyes that are hard, yet beg to be softened by seeing, and being seen with honest acceptance. The heated waters slowly draw out, hour by hour, all the accumulated grief, stress, and worry lodged within my body, which I later toast out with the heat of the Sun and pureness of the blue Sky, walking forever into the Ocotillo covered hillside, into a landscape of prickly Acacias and hidden Chollas, a place where the abundance of surprises both painful and beautiful mirrors the wild gorgeous dangerous splendid nature of my own Spirit, untaming itself as quickly and painlessly as it can, quietly yet forcefully, with the shattering of a million false hopes to reveal, well, something. Walking the labyrinth during the pre-dawn thin-veiled hours of early morn, I watch the Sky changing colors, the shadows of the Stones contracting, as my own long shadow shortens, and I observe the tranquil inhale and forceful exhale of my Breath, measured to the steady rhythm of my walking feet, every step measured and calculated, one foot in front of the other, laying down my feet from toe to heel, outer to inner edge, noting the places where my feet contact the Earth, and that central rooting point through my sole, which extends itself all through my Body, a serpentine undulating powerful two-legged four-limbed twenty-fingered twenty-toed two-eye-eared one-nose-mouthed naked creature relatively skinny, quite healthy, somewhat gangly, and certainly awkward, lanking my way through this labyrinth, this symbolic microcosm of the great mandala macrocosm of Life, muttering prayers in my Mind, Breath, and Being, and watching them disappear with the dust of my footsteps, the frosted visible air of my Breath. The persistent pain in my right wrist, which spread to my right shoulder after the Taiwan surgery, has now migrated to my upper back. At the end of the day, I question if it was worth it, if it was well lived enough, fruitful enough, a life truly and fully lived, enough. Small spaces fit me just fine. I filled fifty one- ounce bottles with three different kinds of salve then labeled, prayed over, priced, and boxed them. Two feasts in one day is something to be grateful for, indeed. I reached the point where to go further was potentially dangerous untraveled territory, whereas to stop and stay safe was just the same old thing, and just decided to let go of everything, leap out far and brilliantly, and trust fervently, knowing that given the briefness of my time here on this planet (at least for now, that I know of), to hold anything back is a waste of life, while to dash my doubts to the side and leap means abandoning the known, and welcoming the witchy wild wonderful weird perhaps unacceptable certainly scary parts of myself that are truly whole in their off-kilterness. I was too busy to remember. A few pecans fall every few seconds from the tree across the road. I’m so glad, tired, and honored to connect, and see our mirror reflections once more. With everything familiar changed over and over, it’s easy to forget, and really not know. Just pray, keep asking questions, and listen to my heart. These grandmas and grandpas, with their wrinkled skin, twinkly eyes, endless stories, and bountiful life experience, expand my perspective dramatically. Although it feels pointless, I still push on. Two more hits to the heart have solidified my decision more than all the walking, thinking, and listening that I’ve been doing: onwards. It’s the same thing every time, isn’t it, my beloved, my heartbroken, my homeless, questing-questioning-wondering-wandering-wordly-lonely-embraced, my sweet? Feeling bitter and jaded doesn’t lend itself easily to faking being amiable, loving, charismatic, or friendly. What a strong fast wind this life brings. I, after almost 3.5 months, left. I’ll go where I want to go, do what I want to do, and then decide who I want to bring along with me. With a song, a prayer, a shout, and a shake, goodbye Arizona, I’m off again, and this time for good (for now). Driving through the winding mountains, alternating between cruising at third gear and gently braking, I listen to bluegrass blues, admiring the wholesome trees, sense of homecoming, darkening wide sky, and mountainous terrain all around, weeping tears of joy at returning, gratitude for providence, and the magic, mystery, and delicious challenges and triumphs of this one precious life, and ecstatic delight at the feel of the steering wheel obeying the slightest command of my touch, the whirring breath of the engine purring against the left shifter and the right start/ stop of my feet, hands and feet dancing between pedals, clutch, steering wheel, and music box, and eyes darting between road, landscape, sky, and all, immersed in the very amazing little process of just being alive, driving away from a place that I tried, found not right for me, finally chose to leave, and now breathe more deeply for having tried, failed, struggled, failed, broke my heart, rubbed it with salt and lime, and now offered it up to the great wilds and winds of destiny, fortune, chance, and personal choice to continue living my life as a prayer, a dedication to the great All of All Everything, moment by moment, with great laughs, huge cries, and a voice that will no longer be muffled by shyness, propriety, society, or any other dumbly dumbifying constraints, but I free with solid NO’s, emphatic YES’s, no iffyness, and as much certainty as I contain in each moment, with complete honesty, and a penetrating humanity to be courageously, rawly, fully, dangerously, wholly, fully, completely, wild woman- medicine way- Earth dedicatedly, ALIVE. What I could be pales in comparison to what I already am. It’s time to dive on in. It’s a true blessing to be on this Journey of autonomy, self, creation, nature connection, deep listening, praying, and wholing--- all dedicated to being whole, full, complete, and authentic, the greatest blessing that I can be, in turn. With no schedule, somehow my day is still packed, variating between deeply fulfilling and mildly distracted, with projects that I’m passionate about, mundane things that just must be done, and space that must-must-must be cultivated, nourished, and enjoyed. Living in a constant state of boxes and piles, I feel simultaneously a reluctance to spend my time moving into/ beautifying a place that I’ll just leave again relatively soon, while the messy nature acts on my subconscious, creating an ungrounded boxed/ piled up chaotic feeling, to rise up from the depths of my being, with discomfort. It feels like a big decision, but I know my heart’s answer already; I just need to accept that, and be prepared to work hard, remain focused, and be financially/ entrepreneurially/ lifestylely creative--- I know my path, I just must be brave and strong enough to walk it. I sang and prayed the whole way down thirty miles of steep windy somewhat icy mountain roads, after a week in my mountain retreat opening my heart, quieting my mind, and busying my hands, to mingle and connect with fellow medicine women again, as we enter the longest night of the year, the moon hiding her face, the ancestors coming out to play and whisper wisdom, the snow blanketing the Earth to sit and wait in silent receptivity, seeds gestating and rooting underground, blanketed by Earth and Sky, prayers and song. Though my eyes are as heavy as the mountains, my mind is as clear as the purest river, my heart lighter than the clouds, filled with life-giving rain to nourish an Earth as rich, magical, and beautiful as this body that I inhabit, and this possibility-filled life that I live, with attention to my dreams, commitment to my values, and perseverance to my goals. With the bright new dawn of a brand new day, the light returns again, after the longest night of the year, and I write letter after letter of outpouring love, gratitude, and mutual inspiration. There’s so much to consider: study in grad school or not (probably yes), in Taiwan or the USA (probably USA), which school (where do I want to be, where are the best teachers, and where can I learn the most/ best), and how to fund it all (I’m developing my herbal work to build my foundation, while looking out further to grad school, and how that ties in with my existing life, work, passions, and dreams)? Even though I don’t celebrate Christmas, seeing the busy joy of others, I sometimes wish I could really get into it, but instead just surround myself with my wood, stones, feathers, herbs, and bones, read, eat, dream, sleep, pray, and burrow deeper into my hibernation cave, woven of ancestral gifts and love, being remade by the threads of possibility, into a fresh creature of patience and perseverance and joyous celebration, delighted to be myself, however that may be, partnered with Place, Purpose, and Person first internally, then radiating outwards to meet the right match, with the strength of will, tenacity, and dedication to growth to find ways around stones ahead of my/ our path up the mountain, and the curiosity and radiant vitality to simply climb on. I went for a whole day without seeing anyone at all yesterday, and anticipate the same for today; re-becoming human involves stripping away all of my pre-established/ pre-conceived constructs around being human to reveal the true, raw, wild, naked, ugly, beautiful feeling, being, and knowing of full humanity, my animal angel all-there all-right real human me self. Snowy mornings like this get me all romantic, inspired, and dreamy--- so long as the snow melts again quickly, and I can feel the Sun once more. With peace came boredom, and now I must feed my internal fire with witty humor (deep connection on satisfying belly-laughing levels), and passionate dance (set aside some time, strip down the clothes, and pump up the music). This is the most I’ve ever slept in my life, and it feels wonderful (am waking at 8, instead of 6). Oh world, thank you for humbling me, for teaching me through lifting me up and crashing me down, for guiding my footsteps when I was lost; may I exceed all expectations, live up to my full potential, and live a life truly worth living, creating Beauty, and coaxing magic out of the mundane, in a fulfilling and wholing way. These dreams walk on their own; I am just the manager, the supporter of their power, the one who squats down and lifts them up to fly. The roots of this journey stabilize then propel us right into the next one.
(2014/ 07/ 17 -2014/ 12/ 31)