cks with mama

everyday is a good day for headstands and cartwheels... and observing similar yet different visions, bodies, and beings of the same love-blood

matriarch

i am training with the best!

55

she says, "you are like the mom, and i am like the daughter!" 

BREAK THE BOX 把盒子破開來

chinese new year and classes and life as i currently know it finish at the end of january 

i am soooo on the move... somewhere

wanna break the box

wanna break the box

wanna break the box that i've made for myself 

but i don't know how to break it 

these patterns are soooo old 

how to break these boxes 

and be completely new, fresh, 

REAL

how

you only live once

really?!

mirrors

not as it seems

陶藝- tw ceramics- 1

batch number 1 of jiling's taiwan ceramics has been made, glazed, and fired! 

基玲第一道台灣陶藝品出來了！

sprouts and spices

there's something magical about sprouting beans and then eating them (jiling sprouts, mama arranges)

and it's really super lovely having my own spice collection (no matter how small) for the first time in my life

好喜愛發豆芽， 與吃自己發的新鮮豆芽！

也好開心有自己的香料！ 這是一輩子來的第一次有自己的香料！（但是離開美國以前， 都採自己的藥草。。。 想念那些日子！又要開始咯！）

--

~~~~~~~
    jiling . 林基玲
    www.JazArt.blogspot.com   

    taiwan: 0912.911.946
    usa: 626.344.9140
    skype: Lin.JiLing

---
. love . gratitude . presence .

故宮博物院跟媽媽和奶奶

today's expedition!- taiwan national palace museum with mama and nainai grannie

pain- 疼痛

better out than in

issues in the tissues 

expression

sorrow? prevalent. everyone. 

pain? 

don't ask me why

this is part of life 

阿媽生日- matriarch grandma ama's birthday... almost 80!

楊家團圓！！！ ：）

my mama's side of the family 

flight happens

飛， 吧！

body language

how do i take a simple movement and make it authentically my own, infuse it with meaning and emotion. a simple step can be infused with love, hatred, sadness... anything. teacher is giving us all the same choreography to infuse with the meaning of four lines from a poem of our choice. how do i fuse my body with the music so that there is no separation between music and jiling. my dance is the music, is my body. how do i establish rapport with each new partner i dance with. we all know the same choreography but express it in different ways. how do i remain patient with both myself and others as our expressions push against each other. how do i be less self critical in front of the mirror, and authentically say a loving "thank you" to my body as we pat ourselves down at the end of each class. teacher says that pain is good. he says is a certain movement gives us pain, then keep on doing that movement until the pain leaves. he says that if there is pain, then it means we need to keep on doing it. there is an obvious feeling between good pain and bad pain, and i feel like i can push myself more. i don't yet know my body's limits, but i do know that i am growing marshmallow soft here in the big city, and i don't like it. i feel most alive when i am getting lost in the mountains, clambering up big rocks, sloshing about barefoot and sticky in mud, following all the mnyriad patterns and twists of rivers and waterfalls, and carefully poking my way through bamboo forests filled with spikes and snakes. how do i place this passion and life-force into my body expression? am choreographing a five minute dance piece that i want to be fully infused with jiling life energy, desert energy, forest energy, and a story that everyone can identify with.

精靈

基玲= 精靈

美麗 - beautiful!

what's the most beautiful place you have ever been in your life? 

告訴我你生活中最美麗的地方。。。

神

we are infinite

yes!

第一映像

first impressions of taiwan- journal entry from november 2010, maybe day four of my first returning to taiwan

questions

來台灣以前心中的一些問題

（november 2010)

阿媽和奶奶生日蛋糕來至阿妹

阿妹， good job on da' 蛋糕! :) they LOVED it 

媽和爺爺榕樹！

我愛榕樹！！！（ok ok... 也愛媽媽！）

媽媽回台大了！

mama

滿月快樂！- happy full moon!

already my third full moon back in taiwan! :)

will be here at least until lunar new year (end of january)

wow, time flies!

已經待在台灣2.5月了。。。 時間過得太快啦！

最少待到新年 ：）

LET GO

let go 

i own nothing 

i am nothing 

let it all go 

all i need is here 

though it is not mine 

i CHOOSE 

this or that to speak, sing, dance, be 

i CHOOSE which way to walk, run, fly, jump

i fall, scream, cry, break my heart, break hearts

i climb up, fall down, climb again, fall again, and then choose 

move the stone, climb over the stone, find another path

i let go

i own nothing 

i am nothing

i choose

this point of connection 

my body touching yours 

give me your weight as i give you mine 

balance and counterbalance and weight sharing 

i let go 

you hold on 

my foot lifts 

yours remains grounded

swing me in a pendulum 

my weight is yours

this body is ours 

gravity, a blessed friend 

this point of connection 

our eyes linked as you pivot around my center of gravity 

wrists strongly interlinked 

i can feel your heart beating through your fingers 

i commit to connection 

but feel like there is not even time to connect with myself 

we are interwoven links of community 

every person i pass by is... a person 

utterly human 

with breath, heartbeat, thoughts, emotions 

and a fluttering something which brings light to eyes and makes each connection colorful, unique, amazing, beautiful

we call it "shen" in chinese 

softly touch me, for i am made of delicate butterfly winds and wings

do not touch me, for i am made of dragon fire and mountain avalanches 

i can destroy you 

i can lift you up 

i can 

i choose

i am 

every single raindrop unique 

every moment different and never to be repeated again 

each breath arising and passing, arising and passing 

all i can think about and feel is mountains, forests, desert, human body, universe

battling with societal and familial expectations 

different colors and pieces of jiling screaming and ripping against each other

pulling and pushing in all directions 

thousands of small atoms and cells birthing and dying, birthing and dying

why can't i let go of this tension in my left hip? 

let go 

let go 

let go 

home- 回家啦

my grandparents boated over from mainland china when they were young 

around my age, my own parents left home on planes for america 

six years ago, i graduated from college, aimed my compass at "naked life," and left our california home to find home in eco-communities and wilderness

one year ago, i left america for taiwan on a one-way ticket 

tonight, my own mama boards a plane to taiwan 

what a long journey home, from home 

hui jia la... go home la...

welcome home in every moment 

(but sometimes i feel completely homeless)

needling rain - 雨鬱悶

rain. feel sad, romantic, disconnected, distant. desire to connect, run away, rest, stay put. desire to run away into forest or desert and never return to city stink ever ever ever again. desire to walk and just keep on walking, never stopping. desire to finally find a home and stop all this walking wandering nonsense. desire to clear out, get stupid, get normal and stupid and get job and get normal and stupid and typical and comfortable and stupid. but comfortable. desire to rest but also feel restless. feel like never enough sleep. feel like never enough hours in the day to do, learn, share all i want. desire to hoard information, let it grow and grow, spew it back out larger with gift of my own understanding. rain. desire to stick acupuncture needle into the power spot of the rain flow, and make it all burst out. let the energy flow through, and keep coming and keep coming and just let it all flow out. and then, give me back my blue. desire to run away from winter in constant following of my favorite beautiful transition seasons of autumn and spring (i prefer autumn). desire to hide from people. feeling of never able to ask right questions or connect deeply enough. how to sink needle in right direction in right energy point to access the deepest spots and make energy flow most clearly through all points of connection: which includes all points? feeling of frustration and can never learn or understand either fast enough or enough, and not deeply enough to teach it back. desire to communicate clearly. my chinese slowly improving, my english slowly deteriorating. desire to master everything. anger and frustration at being young but not really, anymore. anger at time marching on and on, endless energy stream moving all of us towards eventual waterfall of death with uncertainty of what lies underneath waterfall, and how strong the flow. rain. i want to poke a needle through this rain. i want to hike into mountains and never come back out.

tree love

feeling a lot today

love letters

love letters to the wind 

get ripped, torn, shredded and strewn all across the planet 

flying back some strange day 

to hit me in the chest

smacking all the air out of my lungs 

and lifting my heart high into sky, bouncing onto earth, and back again into my chest 

beating more rapidly than all the waterfalls in the world coalesced together into one resounding roar 

on this solid stone in the middle of all this rushing water with this beating heart of mine 

and all the shredded wind blown love letters swarming and swirling about me 

every desire to run away bites me like small fish 

small chunks of jiling falling bit by bit into wind, onto rock, into river,

dissolving self back into nothing everything love let 

thai love 4

outdoor fire kitchen fantasticness with tadam, sandot, damien, and shen outside of pai, thai with wild-harvested yummy forest magic food 

and then feet? now here in taiwan with friends and beloved darlings galore 

dad says focus, focus, focus... whatever doesn't fit in with my focus, delete it from my packed schedule 

and so now... i am still asking the same questions in different places as usual, and wondering and setting lines 

make myself healthy 

eat balanced regular meals, cut out sugar, daily yoga/dance/taiji, sleep before 11 pm

figure out focus and walk it strongly and confidently with no distractions 

besides watching the lilies furling and unfurling their big leaves to all the billowing white clouds zipping thru this tender blue autumn sky

thai micro to macro 2

looove

thai micro to macro 1

welcome to thailand sprouts in big ceramic pots, this is where your rice comes from (3 rice plants will emerge from each pocket with so much food and protein), wild mushrooms (this is heaven), making baskets (we know where everything comes from), wild passionfruit (my personal favorite)... and china monarda (motherwort) on a backyard village slope (hello again, dear friend). 

this is where your herbs come from

southern china herb factory

NOW

There is NOTHING to be afraid of. 

There is NO risk. 

What's the worst thing that could happen? 

You could die? 

You will die anyways. 

And, most likely, you won't die anytime soon. 

You've got quite a long road ahead of you still, like it or not. 

But, time goes by quickly and it could all end in a millisecond. 

So, what do you CHOOSE to do with your ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS LIFE? 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING right NOW?

Are your actions in line with your values? 

Are you living the Life of your Dreams? 

If not... then WHY NOT? 

There is NOTHING holding you back. 

There is NOTHING to be afraid of. 

Once you commit to the jump, all the World will rush to hold and support you in preparation of your inevitable landing. 

And, that landing

that commitment 

that risk...

What is Life, if not one huge risk, one huge leap, one huge YES!

And then, another risk, another leap, another YES! 

And then another, and another... 

and sometimes they are leaps, 

and other times, they are just steps.

And every single time, it is a SURRENDER to all the Universe that sometimes whispers and sometimes shouts, 

I LOVE YOU! 

TRUST me. 

Live the Life of your dreams,

and jump. 

Do not be afraid, for THERE IS NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF. 

Smile at the person sitting next to you on the subway. 

Climb that pretty tree with the inviting branches that you walk by everyday.

Flirt with the cutie you've been secretly staring at from the other side of the room.

Eat the cookies you've been saving for "that special occasion." 

The "special occasion" is NOW. 

Go to all the places you've always dreamed of going to. 

Money is not an issue. It will arrive when needed. 

Catch a bus ride to somewhere you've never been before, and just walk. 

Stick out your thumb, smile, see what happens. 

Dance in the streets. 

Sing songs to strangers. 

Show up in group photos with people you just met. 

Smell all the pretty flowers you pass by. 

Do all things you'd always said, "No, I wouldn't dare," or, "maybe tomorrow," or, "but..." 

If I commit to this flip, this leap, this spin, twirl, twist, full complete action that my body is fully CAPABLE of doing but my mind is AFRAID of doing... 

if I remain afraid, then I will fail. And I will, most miserably, fall. 

But, if I COMMIT to this action, and I TRUST... even in all my not knowing, I TRUST... 

then that trust places everything else in place for successful flight and a strong landing... and flip, leap, spin, twirl, or ANYTHING... yes, I can. Yes, I trust. YES! I dare. 

Our body-mind-heart-spirit selves are just as YES as we allow ourselves to be. 

找工作與休息

我今天整天呆在家裡休息， 睡覺， 做夢， 唸書， 與畫畫。。。 好爽哦！下午去植物園看蓮花和靜坐。。。 好棒， 好舒服。。。 

昨天曾老師給我針灸， 這幾天喝豆腐師哥的中藥， 跟阿凱師哥聊天。。。 我感冒一定會好的。今天。 now. 

又在找工作了。。。 需要很好的幫手嗎？ :) 

am searching for taiwan jobs again... 

let me know if you need some excellent help ;) 

LOVE!!!

venus

five rhythms: flowing, staccato, chaos, lyrical, stillness

each a single dance, together a circle 

five seasons, including the transitions between the seasons 

a time of great movement and resting 

five elements: water births wood, births fire, births earth, births metal, 

and then back to the source again, around and around 

and it's all connected

each a single dance, and together another circle 

circles within circles and intersecting circles 

chinese traditional dances and movement meditations in circles

western tradition moving in lines and angles 

five tastes, five emotions, five yin organs, six yang organs

correspondences moving and moving in on and on circles 

and i wonder how on earth does an alien who wants to be an earthling again manage to move back into the circle 

how does one summon up bravery to say, YO! i wanna be part of your circle 

and I'M NOT AFRAID to love and live and laugh

and cry so hard that all the neighbors poke their heads out the windows far enough for all the alien (who are not alien) plants and sky and other friends all SEE 

and smile 

been coughing now for a full month 

lungs/ chest area is connected with metal element

and time of autumn transition 

and too much internal fire 

and emotion of sadness 

everytime i see venus in the sky at night 

(she shines so brightly especially in the mountains, but even under the vegas-style nonstop city lights) 

i remember every place and all the people i know and love 

and i feel the love 

but i also feel sad 

it's one thing to say "i don't miss you... i love you know. and i know you know the difference." 

and it's another thing to feel like 

time passes by so quickly 

and i wonder when/ if i will ever see you again 

in the key of WEEE

eyes that see

每個禮拜如風而飛過去。 風飛過去， 會留著這兒一片移動的葉子， 那兒幾滴小水珠。 風是控制不了的。 

I spend about half my week in the 平地 areas, and the other half of my week 在此山中。 （half my week easy to find in the city... somewhere zooming around via bike, fast little turbo legs, or subway... teaching or being taught... reading or writing... eating or sleeping... and the other half of my week allowing myself to be "nobody" again and absolutely 沒用的木頭會活得最久 in the midst of so much family and forest in the mountains) 

it is the type of balance that makes the two months I've already been in Taiwan feel like... I've crammed a lot into one week. It feels like one week. 

我的媽媽要回來台灣了！ 

是第一次我媽媽跑來看我！

usually I'm in more remote/ difficult to find/ difficult to understand places. This time, I'm in Taipei,Taiwan. My parents grew up here, and then left for school. This is no longer Home-home... but it's still a home. Coming here is no big deal... just about a 15 hour flight across the Ocean to the other side of the planet, where everyone looks completely different than your usual American white bread, and we all speak a different language here. 

And, I LOVE it!!!

I love it. 

And, I'm gonna see my mama again, after a year! 

Already a year away from America. 

I miss people and I miss places... and I wonder when I will return. 

If I return. 

今天想到很多時間上的問題。 

（live your questions. be your answer.) 

在針灸課， 我們剛剛談到眼。。。 eye-diagnosis (Chinese medicine diagnoses= 1. 把脈/ pulse diagnosis 2. tongue diagnosis 3. eye diagnosis 4. sensory diagnosis: evaluating the patients' smell, how they look, how they sound 5. questioning: asking about the patients' environmental, personal, emotional, and other elements of life that all come together to quite super duper holistically manifest themselves in their health and general well-being)

not as complicated as it sounds, and absolutely fascinating 

learning about eye-diagnosis, I look into the mirror and see that I have accumulated way too many late-nights in my life... and my eyes record all these late nights as far too many blood vessels popped and squeezed to the edges of my entire eyeball

our body as a microcosm of the macrocosm 

my body, my Universe

this Universe, oh how I want to take the best care of you! 

前天晚上， 老師幫我下眼針。。。 我怕針， 我怕痛！ 

現在， 要少帶眼鏡， go to sleep between 11-12 at night, eat more C (橘子， 獅子， 柚子， 木瓜， 紅蘿蔔， 白蘿蔔， 番薯。。。）

a fight ensues on the metro

never seen this before 

young woman yelling at old man yelling at young woman

they spit at each other 

why don't you just punch each other, roll around, get it over with 

but, i am glad you are yelling 

i want to yell too, but i will wait until i get back into the mountains 

the city is too small and tight for such passionate energy 

everyone's got it all bottled up 

not me

off for another mountain weekend 

see you in the trees

toilet humor

I walk by the bathroom

"hello teacher Osha!" a kid declares with pants around ankles

a bathroom stall opens

"Teacher Osha!!!" the kid inside sticks his head out, "I am shitting!"

kindergardener kids always make me smile, no matter how tired I get!

wonder? want?

My dance teacher won't come up the mountain with me for body therapy. He has an old hurt shoulder. My Chinese medicine teacher isn't certified, so my dance teacher is afraid. But, he says that once I finish learning these things, he will trust me to help him with his shoulder. Sometimes, you need to meet people first to trust them? But can't I say "If you would trust me... won't you trust my teacher?" But, no.

 

I carry my book of meridians with me everywhere. My Chinese is improving. The weight of the book in my bag gives me a strong back. This morning, I stuck three large body-meridian-human pictures onto my wall, across from my bed, in my small room. It's the first thing I see when I wake up, besides the loving sweet light of yet another day filtering in through the windows. I love waking up in the mornings.

 

So much to learn. So much to help. So many ways to help.

 

Me first, before anyone else.

Can help myself and simultaneously help others.

Sometimes feel completely overwhelmed by all I want to learn... feel like I cannot learn fast enough.

My dance teacher has hurt shoulder.

My other dance teacher has hurt knees.

My own knees hurt.

I still have trauma from the mountain, that we will discuss with the whole class, next class.

I want to climb endless mountains.

I want to play outside all day, and dance until I can dance no more.

I want to make music and make love until sun comes up and keep on doing it until my eyes are bloodshot and weary, and I die from exhaustion.

I want to sleep forever and just rest so fully in some hot spring right next to the coldest stream on earth in the most remote and gorgeous mountains unknown by human eyes.

My friend has difficulty falling asleep and wakes up feeling like something is not quite right in her life... something not quite fulfilled.

I can talk with her, but how to push her over the edge, how to help her get going. Because that's what we both agree she needs... to get going with what is unfulfilling, and move it forward in her life.

Another friend just got booted off his under-the-table job, and now has no money to pay for debts.

I wonder if I too should go to grad school and accumulate debt and learn a lot and then enter the world with yet another degree and even less money than I have now.

I wonder

I want

 

Today, we learned about manipulation and locomotion in dance class.

I am beginning to feel restless and desire to locomote again,

while at the same time feeling so deeply grateful to be here surrounded by all these amazing friends, teachers, and family family family of all colors and varieties, and am contemplating challenging myself by staying here for a year, like I stayed in Connecticut for a year.

 

I wonder

 

I want?

oh, Love

For some reason, there's all this love that comes with blood relations. And with that love, there comes so much pain and suffering, too. And honesty, in all its graceful and awkward bright beauty and frightening hideousness. 

What if I feel more connection with my non-blood family than with my blood family? What if there are few points of clear connection with those that perhaps love me most... but just can't understand me? And then, I find other family that I can connect with on so many more levels than just love and blood... but I keep on leaving each new family I create for myself? 

Dearest Yin and Yang, guess I just need to (keep on with the keep on) find that elusive (yet so blatantly obvious) point of BALANCE. 

什麼都要平和與和平。 

深呼吸， 吧。。。 

and then? 

感恩

感恩

全部的宇宙

美麗的計劃

送我今日

這個身體

這個空氣

這些老師， 家人， 朋友們

心中充滿了感恩， 歡喜， 大愛

friday

For the first time since returning to Taiwan, I spent the whole day at home yesterday

cooked fabulous colorful healthful barely-cooked simply delicious meals 

savored them slowly 

painted lewd completely nude pictures in blatant black and white 

walked, danced, skipped, crawled, ran around with skin in direct contact with air 

read about breath, body, and meridian matters on a nice brown and soft bed of squishy cotton and even squishier belly

dreamed about lands, plants, and people more distant--- and more near--- than i could ever imagine 

reveled all day in my small abode in the middle of this huge taipei city 

and then packed my bags and headed back up into the mountains for another mountain weekend 

miracles

maciej and i sat under the slide in the park, eating fruit, with rain pouring down around us above the slide, and thunder and lightning... and huge smiles on our faces 

we could talk forever 

next time, we dance 

biking back to school, i coughed up a bright yellow solid loogy into my hand 

it's been two weeks 

i can't believe i am still coughing with so much wind in my lungs and loogies galore 

this morning i woke up with a solid dream

my elder bill and i talking, calm and comfortable

he asks me when i will return to see him and another elder, as i am leaving 

i say, maybe between 1-4 years? 

he says, we're dying you know

come back 

i thought about that dream my whole ride down the mountain 

been thinking about death lots lately 

i am grateful for death and life

next time the moon is full again, regardless of weather, i will climb up some high area and howl at the moon 

and laugh with wild abandon at how nicely the cold wind pulls at all the 700 trillion cells dancing in my body

dance and anatomy

dance classes and anatomy classes seem to touch the same things 

but different modes of exploration and learning 

yesterday, 6 hours of movement exploration 

mostly on diverse ways of movement transportation

(we can roll, walk, hop, and more... different levels of movement too...) 

and extension（伸縮）, contraction (收縮), and rotation（扭轉） of our limbs 

in dance, learning of different levels of movement: different heights, different exaggerations

fun to tie this in with my anatomy classes and acupuncture class

teacher Wang says that i look more and more tired each class

he asks if perhaps i have overpacked my schedule? 

i love everything i am doing right now and am slowly sculpting away that which does not feel directly pertinent to my life 

teacher has old back pain that i can't wait to learn how to help 

me? i have old wrist pain and leftover trauma in body

we will discuss my trauma in acupuncture class

i am excited to see how we will work with my body, and what result will be 

i made a promise to myself, maybe a year ago now? 

there are sooo many healing modalities 

i could spend many lifetimes learning them all 

so i need to focus 

how to choose? 

i think that... the modality that heals (or reintegrates. or whatever word you plug on.... you know my meaning) 

that which helps me, i have affinity with (有緣） 

and that one i will give my life to (share my life with) 

and help many many people in return