My dance teacher won't come up the mountain with me for body therapy. He has an old hurt shoulder. My Chinese medicine teacher isn't certified, so my dance teacher is afraid. But, he says that once I finish learning these things, he will trust me to help him with his shoulder. Sometimes, you need to meet people first to trust them? But can't I say "If you would trust me... won't you trust my teacher?" But, no.
I carry my book of meridians with me everywhere. My Chinese is improving. The weight of the book in my bag gives me a strong back. This morning, I stuck three large body-meridian-human pictures onto my wall, across from my bed, in my small room. It's the first thing I see when I wake up, besides the loving sweet light of yet another day filtering in through the windows. I love waking up in the mornings.
So much to learn. So much to help. So many ways to help.
Me first, before anyone else.
Can help myself and simultaneously help others.
Sometimes feel completely overwhelmed by all I want to learn... feel like I cannot learn fast enough.
My dance teacher has hurt shoulder.
My other dance teacher has hurt knees.
My own knees hurt.
I still have trauma from the mountain, that we will discuss with the whole class, next class.
I want to climb endless mountains.
I want to play outside all day, and dance until I can dance no more.
I want to make music and make love until sun comes up and keep on doing it until my eyes are bloodshot and weary, and I die from exhaustion.
I want to sleep forever and just rest so fully in some hot spring right next to the coldest stream on earth in the most remote and gorgeous mountains unknown by human eyes.
My friend has difficulty falling asleep and wakes up feeling like something is not quite right in her life... something not quite fulfilled.
I can talk with her, but how to push her over the edge, how to help her get going. Because that's what we both agree she needs... to get going with what is unfulfilling, and move it forward in her life.
Another friend just got booted off his under-the-table job, and now has no money to pay for debts.
I wonder if I too should go to grad school and accumulate debt and learn a lot and then enter the world with yet another degree and even less money than I have now.
I wonder
I want
Today, we learned about manipulation and locomotion in dance class.
I am beginning to feel restless and desire to locomote again,
while at the same time feeling so deeply grateful to be here surrounded by all these amazing friends, teachers, and family family family of all colors and varieties, and am contemplating challenging myself by staying here for a year, like I stayed in Connecticut for a year.
I wonder
I want?
