wrist

taipei- 4

rain blanket, drum rhythm 

earth shakes, sky blessings 

green things rising, humans crawling 

small life, big universe 

we hold it all within ourselves 

happy day, everyday 

tap in, spiral out 

joy thru tears, blue within rain 

today and everyday, big changes! 

opportunity for transformation 

clouds move fast, one month past 

stillness within movement

peaceful blissful central stillness 

just 

a 

heartbeat

rhythm 

of 

earth

just a heartbeat 

tinder packed tightly

precious little thing 

blown into flame 

strong winds 

i hold you to my chest 

set me on fire 

into the world 

dance me with water 

as we run fast on earth

legs leaping and twirling 

grounding and stomping 

these are ancient global rhythms we pound 

chest to chest 

fingers gently interlaced 

each small movement a prayer 

bodies shuddering, sweating, surrendered 

breath that moves through me 

thank you Creator 

i dedicate my life

to You

this dance is Yours 

i feel earth energy rising through my legs

drawing my movements 

i can still choose

how to place them 

and holding steady

when to rise and fall

with smooth

grace

or jagged 

edges 

sky jewels raining down 

to adorn trees and bless plants

cold taipei, winter setting in 

half of me, "go hike anyways"

the other half, "don't get your hand wet" 

considering already an infection 

better play it safe 

i watch the rain from my window 

in delight

wrapped up in old woolen jacket 

hot tea steaming 

colors at my fingers 

music thumping

heartbeat thrumming

breath soothing

my mama's last day here 

been 6 weeks now with mama 

and 4 with meimei, my lil sis 

my world changed and shifted dramatically during that time 

and tonight, i turn a new page again 

1- before my family coming here, life chapter title: 

fresh from india, studying chigong in taichong, struggling wild windy woman thing in the city 

2- chapter with ma and mei: 

wrist surgery heartbreak recovery, old traumas reopened, familial conflict and connection 

3- and tonight begins (i assume- i don't know yet until it happens): 

she flies once more, wrist strengthening, small travels resuming, mind-body-spirit focus evolving 

wrist teacher

swelling has reduced by alot 

numbness still in fingers 

no more headstands for a lil bit

rest is challenging and patience is slow 

what an amazing teacher 

forest lin family: nainai's feast

lins... ma with forest side of my family :) 

rainy hike

mama's rockin rock design: share the love with the world

taipei- 3rd morning

what are plans

when fate has other ideas? 

today i planned to take my ma up my favorite river walk 

to my favorite little place thus far in taipei

a small swimming hole at the base of a gorge

called apo tan

this morning i wake to the endless rhythmic beating of rain 

the path will be too slippery

river probably too high to walk up 

plans cancelled for.... another year or so 

today i am thoughtful and silent 

yesterday bored, today introspective 

today is my mama's final day in taiwan 

i feel like deep open connection is still lacking 

perhaps today is the day 

that all my dreams will come true 

lying in deep sleep 

under cover of rain 

a wiggle and crack

i know this heart will open 

i know my fears will fade away 

breath of deep fresh intoxicating air 

dizzying dreams of one final big island wander 

today i will look at maps and start pulling connections 

trembling anticipation of returning to home-across-the-world 

why is taiwan/ asia home so far away from usa home? 

today i will continue looking into grad school and talking to friends and teachers 

a yearning desire to connect, and a cold holding fear to do so 

today i will make left-handed art, right hand relaxing with iodine and cephalexin

i love you so much 

that i am afraid to get close,

and then be torn apart again 

river drum, rain beat 

my right arm wound is slowly closing 

fingers numb, hands tingling 

mother earth carry me, your child i will always be 

rhythmic rocking, drumbeat home 

today i will bring songs 

to translate from english into chinese 

together with my mama

and then 

we will improvise 

taking turns playing drone, understory monotone 

that undercurrent strength that guides river through waterfall splendids on top 

and then 

i let go of plans! 

i let go 

anything can happen, will happen 

i can only provide 

the beam structural guiding possibility of support 

the rest i leave up to you 

oh Creator 

thanks for making it oh-so-incredibly 

gorgeous 

in all it's unexpectedness, diverse colors, shadows, symmetry, dissonance, and 

perfection 

edge

there's something about the 

autumn 

wind

that drive my cells 

c r a z y 

with

delight

and a certain unspeakable 

longing 

torn between summer heat and winter chill 

balanced on the edge 

i smile 

i like this place 

walking between worlds 

neither sun nor moon, day nor night 

in between seasons 

the rain a cleansing transition between worlds 

i am both taiwanese and american 

logical yet artistic 

desert childhood, yet forest ancestry 

revering freedom and flow, yet also obsessed with order and control 

a striking balance 

between holding the pen lightly yet drawing strong lines 

with unique personal character 

world of sky

world of earth 

world of city civilized 

world of wild ancient 

travelling has been such a gift 

so has been staying put in taizhong for 3 months 

my backpack sits beside me, grey and tired 

just the smell of it makes me smile and grimace simultaneously 

what a journey 

between worlds of all sorts 

and now, a choice 

always, a balance 

choosing yet flowing 

fate, destiny

the music quickens 

2012 is coming to a close 

life is always dying and birthing, birthing and dying 

never ending cycle, 

nothing new, yet everything new 

zen koans endless! 

rising crescendo

step lightly yet with purpose 

you are magnificent, your influence grandiose 

i am seriously contemplating returning to usa in january or february 

i am researching my options right now 

and praying for guidance 

(choice, and flow) 

need to keep reminding myself that taiwan and asia will always be here 

neither goodbye nor hello are forever 

i can leave... and return... whenever i choose 

i use the money, i make it again 

i fly away, i fly back 

realized yesterday, walking through a tunnel and thinking about my huge extended non-blood family in usa and around the world 

that i will always miss people and places 

no matter where i go, 

i could always be somewhere else 

there is always the possibility of greener grass elsewhere 

but

i am here now 

(wherever you go... there you are!!!) 

appreciate each moment 

there will always be darkness to gripe about 

and imperfections to pick at 

there are points of learning in everything 

remain openhearted 

and follow the best, most suitable, brightest path 

maybe it's not the easiest path

maybe it's not even a clear path

God! i have bushwhacked for so long

path becomes clearer with each step 

each moment of silence providing more nourishment for further growth 

but what if...? 

you will have enough 

everything you need 

will come 

maybe it will be difficult 

but you will be okay 

everything 

is 

possible 

redefine 

your boundaries 

infinite 

but know your limitations 

and turn them into opportunities

current limitation= right wrist 

opportunity for ample rest and growth

cherishing this sacred stillness 

as i lick

the knife's edge

reopening old wounds 

to reexamine them

and heal unhealed pieces 

falling down down Death Valley down only to climb back up again, gross and dirty, ready

working hard

rising up, then 

stronger than the winds on Everest 

taipei- day 1

it feels like coming home 

to roll around this city 

knowing where i walk 

confidence with the cadence of my feet stepping 

upon ground that i have left and returned to and left and returned to

often for the past two years 

and way back to when i was a few months old 

this home of 

taipei

endless car rhythm 

like a cage or a drumbeat

schedule tightly packed 

like muscle around bone 

morning with nainai grandma 

eating too much deliciousness 

stretching my smile, widening my heart 

listening to stories with mama and nainai and aunt gugu

falling asleep, legs on mama's lap, soft murmur of adult voices 

i have nothing to lose 

and everything to gain 

fear is a self-protection mechanism 

that i can acknowledge 

then let go

i have been hurt before 

that's why i hold tension in my smile 

and guard my heart

hey hey fear, i see you- namaste 

and it's okay to 

slowly

let 

go

wake, rush, run to bus- perfect timing 

roll up to acupuncture with teacher tofu

mama takes herself too seriously 

her body is stiff, straight, and tight 

more exercise that gets heart beating, dancing, and joyous

more massages, more freedom, more yoga 

i like massage better than tcm cupping 

painful needling techniques hurt

what is best for me to study?

keep learning one thing then onto another 

it's all useful, coalescing 

most important is heart

then connecting hearts with my taipei-mama, aji

sitting under streetlight, bats overhead, seven-star mountain overlooking 

follow your dreams 

sometimes they take a lot of time to manifest 

don't hold yourself back by others standards 

jump for the moon 

one day, i also want to make a music recording- of healing songs for earth and hearts

bus-ride back down the mtn, rush hr, dinner with grandma, appointments, earring admiration with aunt 

i enjoying making my grannie ama laugh with crass jokes that completely knock her off-guard

calm walk, floating back to my taiwan university, to ceramics club 

talk with teacher again 

he's focused on ceramics all his life 

will spend next 3 yrs of life preparing for his biggest gallery exhibit

what is a life, if nothing to show for it? 

all love from students

i like being called "lao shi" too 

and guiding others 

i like the feel of university 

this may be a good path 

ceramics laoshi says with fervent absolute conviction

yes! follow your heart 

your travels provide you absolute certainty for your path

don't be in any rush! 

slow calm stroll home, stopping to visit marina en route 

bump into tall canadian at the door 

and so it begins 

marina climbed today, first day, indoor wall 

long white cotton acrobatics silk hanging from center of her room 

cat purring, sharp little claws 

laughter and connection, openness and freedom 

it's past my bedtime 

oh well 

we go to fancy hotel, butt bumping down the street

reconnection with friends old and new, laughter 

this is new yet familiar 

i feel like i've just walked out of a nunnery 

and into something tremblingly alive 

divinity in humanity 

i am tentative yet delighted 

and wonder why nobody is dancing 

to such wild and fabulous music

under such lights

with jeans radiating against the wall 

records shining circles

and glass bottle decor 

we lie against sofa

yoda teaches me 

don't try, do. don't do, be 

do be do be do be... 

crazy poetry trees 

skin to skin fascia kidney meridian oceanic waves weaving

energy lines correspond with muscles 

i, dance therapy

he, physical therapy

she, art therapy 

we talk about turtles, cockroaches, and bacon

hands soft on my chest, warm down arm, sweet against scar: 10-20 minutes, daily. one month

be gentle 

it's beautiful to be strong 

but even more powerful when you can choose strength or gentleness 

you are beautiful when you are tired... more soft, feminine 

don't need exhaustion and sickness to tap into the daisies and meadows elements within me

right now i am enjoying the fire and bursting balls of sunshine 

hands cupped but not touching, ball of energy

tell me stories! 

hand on shoulder, energy ball, rising

visualization

healing golden energy 

rise up

lymph, move

infection, release

scar, close 

arm, relax 

heart, open 

heart to heart

we sing on the mrt, voices a blur 

i like having a background drone, a comfy earth element to ground and root for infinite potential rising and soaring or harmonizing vocals 

stepping out of the bright mrt lights and into the darkness with venus above ( i know you )

i enjoy not knowing where i am, at home and finding my way again

thank you for sharing my journey