when fate has other ideas?
today i planned to take my ma up my favorite river walk
to my favorite little place thus far in taipei
a small swimming hole at the base of a gorge
called apo tan
this morning i wake to the endless rhythmic beating of rain
the path will be too slippery
river probably too high to walk up
plans cancelled for.... another year or so
today i am thoughtful and silent
yesterday bored, today introspective
today is my mama's final day in taiwan
i feel like deep open connection is still lacking
perhaps today is the day
that all my dreams will come true
lying in deep sleep
under cover of rain
a wiggle and crack
i know this heart will open
i know my fears will fade away
breath of deep fresh intoxicating air
dizzying dreams of one final big island wander
today i will look at maps and start pulling connections
trembling anticipation of returning to home-across-the-world
why is taiwan/ asia home so far away from usa home?
today i will continue looking into grad school and talking to friends and teachers
a yearning desire to connect, and a cold holding fear to do so
today i will make left-handed art, right hand relaxing with iodine and cephalexin
i love you so much
that i am afraid to get close,
and then be torn apart again
river drum, rain beat
my right arm wound is slowly closing
fingers numb, hands tingling
mother earth carry me, your child i will always be
rhythmic rocking, drumbeat home
today i will bring songs
to translate from english into chinese
together with my mama
and then
we will improvise
taking turns playing drone, understory monotone
that undercurrent strength that guides river through waterfall splendids on top
and then
i let go of plans!
i let go
anything can happen, will happen
i can only provide
the beam structural guiding possibility of support
the rest i leave up to you
oh Creator
thanks for making it oh-so-incredibly
gorgeous
in all it's unexpectedness, diverse colors, shadows, symmetry, dissonance, and
perfection
