love and thanks

thank you 

i love you so much 

i am so grateful for all you bring into this world and my life! 

thank you for shining your light so brightly

i can't upload fresh photos until i return to connecticut... so here's some more photos from my elder Bill that pretty aptly sum up what others have been doing for me... prayers and candles. 

i love you so much 

i am so very grateful 

and i am writing to let you know that 

i have returned from the Mountain 

i am safe and well 

and my bowl is now full yet empty 

and there is much to say 

but also not much at all 

sometime soon, i will do a Giveaway Ceremony and tell my story then, in connecticut 

for those of you not in connecticut 

we can connect in other ways

call me, tap in via the winds and earth

and we will rub our hearts and bellies, smile, and sigh

with contented connected united knowing

for all that remains unsaid,

is already said

star heart

thru spiraling smoke

bright stars shine inside

i find my way 

back

(Vision Quest this week in northern Vermont. Sacred silence. Prayers, loving thoughts, and blessings invited and gratefully accepted. I love you!!!) 

love

love
enters my life
sometimes with silent padded steps
sometimes like a mighty gush of thunderstorm
sometimes so subtly, like a dandelion slowly opening
sometimes so overtly, like an avalanche stone crashing down a mountain
love
enters my life
sometimes sweetly
like fresh blueberries on a summer morning
sometimes sourly
with an aftertaste of blueberries forgotten in a bowl
love
sits
quietly
sometimes, watching my self as i step forward slowly
love
stands
strongly
as i pick myself back up
from the avalanche
and piece back together
freshly kilned clay
and infinitude of hearts
and potential
rising
from the ashes of fiery flames
fruits borne of sunshine, sweat, dirt, and death
i am
love

(me and Justin just ended our romantic relationship a few days ago. i am doing okay, and grateful for love in all its forms)
(thank you my dear esteemed elder Bill, for the lovely photo, and for helping fire my clay hearts! and growing the tomato heart! :) )

the Fall

August 7, 2006... the Fall. It's been four years now. Thank you...

August itinerary

7/26 - 8/6= staffing kids' farm camp and African dance theater camp at Orchard Hill Farm (NH)

8/6 - 8/8= Daughters of the Earth gathering at Earthlands (MA) (I need a ride down from NH, if you know anyone...)

8/9 - 8/14?= Earthstory gathering at Earthlands (MA) (and then I need a ride up to northern VT, if you know anyone...)

8/15 - 8/21= Vision Quest (VT) 

final two weeks of the month... don't know yet. I will probably hangout with Luz Elena in Brattleboro, VT. I want to see Keith, Mira, Efan, Jason, Kalyan, Darcey, and Sean sometime this summer, too. I also want some kind of backpacking / survival camping trip. So, hopefully a small extended visit to Keith's farm and/or Kalyan's new farm, too. 

... and then I plan to return to Connecticut before September 5 for the Red Tent that day, and then start Two Coyotes' autumn children's programs on September 6! 

desires

i really wanted!

to return to the desert

and work with "at-risk" youth

beautiful shining teenagers that society can't yet accept

and learn from plant-man doug

and a bunch of burros

and cacti 

and mountains

and a sky so big and wide

that my heart floods with blue

that merges with red

into the most vivid healing purple i've ever seen

as the hot desert rocks boom their deep booms 

and i know that 

we are held

i really wanted! 

to stay here and cultivate 

the relationships and seeds that i've set

and slowly watched sprout 

and am still blossoming 

so much love for so many people 

yet so often feeling so very 

alone 

and struggling

with restlessness and wants and needs and boundaries

boundaries 

don't cross my boundaries 

i am learning to see my boundaries 

and bravely state them when i need to

no more hiding them 

no more hiding 

i am stepping out into the sunshine 

from a morbid smoggy winter 

and sweating beads of mingled pain and pleasure 

the raw honesty of being alive and whole

with black, white, and all rainbow prismatic every nothings

swirled into a giant

center of the universe

cake!

cake

i really wanted!

yes i did! 

and i still do 

but i am learning

thank you

thank you 

for listening and watching and knowing and seeing

and holding and being

and being

just being 

thank you 

for all the prayers seen and unseen,

heard and unheard

for i feel them every time i cry into the wind

and she blows back with a kiss

and i know 

that i am blessed

with seen and unseen 

heard and unheard

thank you 

friends everywhere 

yes love

watching bats fly around at dusk
minnows gathering around my toes and nibbling them
while i am swimming in ice pond
of all places!
yes, ice pond
clouds pink, sky blue
back out into the great known unknown beautiful
yes