taipei- day 1

it feels like coming home 
to roll around this city 
knowing where i walk 
confidence with the cadence of my feet stepping 
upon ground that i have left and returned to and left and returned to
often for the past two years 
and way back to when i was a few months old 
this home of 
endless car rhythm 
like a cage or a drumbeat
schedule tightly packed 
like muscle around bone 
morning with nainai grandma 
eating too much deliciousness 
stretching my smile, widening my heart 
listening to stories with mama and nainai and aunt gugu
falling asleep, legs on mama's lap, soft murmur of adult voices 

i have nothing to lose 
and everything to gain 
fear is a self-protection mechanism 
that i can acknowledge 
then let go
i have been hurt before 
that's why i hold tension in my smile 
and guard my heart
hey hey fear, i see you- namaste 
and it's okay to 

wake, rush, run to bus- perfect timing 
roll up to acupuncture with teacher tofu
mama takes herself too seriously 
her body is stiff, straight, and tight 
more exercise that gets heart beating, dancing, and joyous
more massages, more freedom, more yoga 
i like massage better than tcm cupping 
painful needling techniques hurt
what is best for me to study?
keep learning one thing then onto another 
it's all useful, coalescing 
most important is heart

then connecting hearts with my taipei-mama, aji
sitting under streetlight, bats overhead, seven-star mountain overlooking 
follow your dreams 
sometimes they take a lot of time to manifest 
don't hold yourself back by others standards 
jump for the moon 
one day, i also want to make a music recording- of healing songs for earth and hearts

bus-ride back down the mtn, rush hr, dinner with grandma, appointments, earring admiration with aunt 
i enjoying making my grannie ama laugh with crass jokes that completely knock her off-guard

calm walk, floating back to my taiwan university, to ceramics club 
talk with teacher again 
he's focused on ceramics all his life 
will spend next 3 yrs of life preparing for his biggest gallery exhibit
what is a life, if nothing to show for it? 
all love from students
i like being called "lao shi" too 
and guiding others 
i like the feel of university 
this may be a good path 
ceramics laoshi says with fervent absolute conviction
yes! follow your heart 
your travels provide you absolute certainty for your path
don't be in any rush! 

slow calm stroll home, stopping to visit marina en route 
bump into tall canadian at the door 
and so it begins 
marina climbed today, first day, indoor wall 
long white cotton acrobatics silk hanging from center of her room 
cat purring, sharp little claws 
laughter and connection, openness and freedom 
it's past my bedtime 
oh well 

we go to fancy hotel, butt bumping down the street
reconnection with friends old and new, laughter 
this is new yet familiar 
i feel like i've just walked out of a nunnery 
and into something tremblingly alive 
divinity in humanity 
i am tentative yet delighted 
and wonder why nobody is dancing 
to such wild and fabulous music
under such lights
with jeans radiating against the wall 
records shining circles
and glass bottle decor 
we lie against sofa
yoda teaches me 
don't try, do. don't do, be 
do be do be do be... 
crazy poetry trees 
skin to skin fascia kidney meridian oceanic waves weaving
energy lines correspond with muscles 
i, dance therapy
he, physical therapy
she, art therapy 
we talk about turtles, cockroaches, and bacon
hands soft on my chest, warm down arm, sweet against scar: 10-20 minutes, daily. one month
be gentle 
it's beautiful to be strong 
but even more powerful when you can choose strength or gentleness 
you are beautiful when you are tired... more soft, feminine 
don't need exhaustion and sickness to tap into the daisies and meadows elements within me
right now i am enjoying the fire and bursting balls of sunshine 
hands cupped but not touching, ball of energy
tell me stories! 
hand on shoulder, energy ball, rising
healing golden energy 
rise up
lymph, move
infection, release
scar, close 
arm, relax 
heart, open 

heart to heart

we sing on the mrt, voices a blur 
i like having a background drone, a comfy earth element to ground and root for infinite potential rising and soaring or harmonizing vocals 
stepping out of the bright mrt lights and into the darkness with venus above ( i know you )
i enjoy not knowing where i am, at home and finding my way again

thank you for sharing my journey