林 + 陽 = 寶
2.26.2011
2.25.2011
reality
reality changes in a week
landscape differences
new people
goodbye new old friends and hello to a brand new world
standing on the edge of yet another precipice
and i cannot see the bottom of this cliff
i know that there is gravity
and i trust
while fearing
but this time i am not falling
and i am not leaping
i am stepping forth perhaps in darkness
but held by so many invisible hands
and as much wisdom as can be held in 25 years of living
and 25 years of preparation
known or unknown
for
this
moment
i am stepping forth right foot in front of left
head up, shoulders soft, arms out
toe first, gentle and questioning
and then when yes it is safe
entrusting my heel to yes yes the earth
and then my left foot will follow
and then my right
and then my left
and soon enough i have walked to the moon and back
come. let us share this cup of tea and so many stories
landscape differences
new people
goodbye new old friends and hello to a brand new world
standing on the edge of yet another precipice
and i cannot see the bottom of this cliff
i know that there is gravity
and i trust
while fearing
but this time i am not falling
and i am not leaping
i am stepping forth perhaps in darkness
but held by so many invisible hands
and as much wisdom as can be held in 25 years of living
and 25 years of preparation
known or unknown
for
this
moment
i am stepping forth right foot in front of left
head up, shoulders soft, arms out
toe first, gentle and questioning
and then when yes it is safe
entrusting my heel to yes yes the earth
and then my left foot will follow
and then my right
and then my left
and soon enough i have walked to the moon and back
come. let us share this cup of tea and so many stories
2.20.2011
wild spring wind
it is spring
toss me up into the trees with the flowers oh wind,
for i do not wish to go to school
such a wild wind blowing, tossing my hair
i am grateful for colors
grateful for spirals
and birdsong so wild, free, and wonderful
that i can only but dance drunkenly teetering
ready to fall off any slope
only to go clambering back up another
on unsteady feet slippery with fresh mud
smells of sprouts suckling deep into earth
popping with exuberant life of a fresh wild bloodred spring
sing me a song of caterpillar turned butterfly
testing new wings it never knew it could have
toss me up into the trees with the flowers oh wind,
for i do not wish to go to school
such a wild wind blowing, tossing my hair
i am grateful for colors
grateful for spirals
and birdsong so wild, free, and wonderful
that i can only but dance drunkenly teetering
ready to fall off any slope
only to go clambering back up another
on unsteady feet slippery with fresh mud
smells of sprouts suckling deep into earth
popping with exuberant life of a fresh wild bloodred spring
sing me a song of caterpillar turned butterfly
testing new wings it never knew it could have
2.14.2011
guava 巴拉
my life is taiwan guava. big and not quite round. little spots here and there and bumps and dips made graceful by especially the little pithy points of contact where flesh meets flesh meets flesh at the very dip drop bottom all the little hairs of so many detail. and then up to tip top of where stem (snip cut where has it) gone from stem branch trunk root tree to bear fruit fruit of (yes) guava. my life. green and sort of hard on the outside, a soft mystery on the inside. a sweetness so very sweet so very very sweet penetrating deep into tongue deep into heart deep into depths of nostrils and green vision and feeling into (woah) central center. being? seeds. so many hard rock rock seeds (all full of potential. unbroken, unrooted, seeds of potential.) they hurt the teeth. but the hardest part contains also the softest mystery and the sweetest flesh and
maybe it's worth it
to bite into the center also. but with discernment discernment discernment and care and attention to all the little details of where touch against nontouch of hard soft yellow color against soft hard white color colors all mix mashing together when crunched but when purely observed a simple explainable (yes) yes yes of just this: my life is taiwan guava. hard on the outside, soft on the inside, a mixed center of soft and hard... the sweetest of sweets surrounding the hard little seeds of unspoken hidden mysterious beautiful potential
i wonder
maybe it's worth it
to bite into the center also. but with discernment discernment discernment and care and attention to all the little details of where touch against nontouch of hard soft yellow color against soft hard white color colors all mix mashing together when crunched but when purely observed a simple explainable (yes) yes yes of just this: my life is taiwan guava. hard on the outside, soft on the inside, a mixed center of soft and hard... the sweetest of sweets surrounding the hard little seeds of unspoken hidden mysterious beautiful potential
i wonder
2.12.2011
DIY: 發酵麵包!!!! :)
***做酵母(jiao mu/sourdough starter)!!!!!***
3 杯溫開水
2 杯麵粉
- 把原料放進一個大玻璃(buoli/glass)或陶瓷(taochi/ceramic)容器 (rong qi/ container)... 要給他足夠空間長
- 注意你的水一定要乾淨... 可以先把開水燒滾燙(guin tang/ boil the water)
- 如果你要, 也可以先泡一些有機(organic)乾果在水裡, 幫酵母發酵
- 把水跟麵粉在大容器裡混在一起
- 用棉布(mianbu/ cotton)鬆鬆的蓋住容器 (酵母需要呼吸哦!)
- 把它放在溫溫的地方 2-5 天... 看看天氣怎樣. 比較熱, 就會發酵的比較快
- 可以每天看一看, 攪一攪(jiao/mix), 給它唱唱歌...
- 它開始起泡泡, 和聞起來有點兒酸酸的, 他就好了!
- 把它攪一攪, 蓋起來, 放進冰箱, 就好了!
- 不要忘了它哦!!!
- 每個月, 或是每隔一個禮拜, 得做麵包啦... 或是最少要給酵母吃東西...
- (一部分酵母 + 一部分水) + (1-2 杯麵粉)... 攪起來, 留在溫溫的地方 12-24 小時, 再放回冰箱... 好了!
- 有太多酵母, 就可以送給朋友, 鼓勵他們也做麵包... yum yum :)
***做發酵麵包!!!!! (sourdough)***
又好吃, 又容易做... yay!
1 1/4 杯酵母 (先攪, 再糧)
2 3/4 杯溫的款泉水
6-7 杯全麥麵粉 (quan mai mian fen/ whole wheat flour)
1-2 茶匙鹽 (cha chi yan/ teaspoon salt)
- 攪起來
- 揉麵團! 揉, 揉, 揉 (rou/ knead)... 要最少揉 10 分鐘, 揉到它軟為止
- 放進有一點油的鍋子. 油讓他不黏 (nian/ stick) 鍋子
- 蓋起來, 讓他坐在那兒 10-12 個小時... 你可以出去玩... 讓它坐久一點沒問題...
- ...等好了, 他會有點兒黏. 再揉吧! 揉 3-5 分鐘... 把它分成兩半 (都可以)
- 把它揉成你要的麵包形狀 (xing zhuang/ shape) 以後, 用濕布 (shi bu/ wet cloth) 蓋 2-3 個小時 (它會長到兩倍大) (你去清廚房, 吧!)
- ... 烤箱預熱 (kao xiang yu re/ preheat oven) 375 F/ 190 C. 裡頭要擺 (bai/ put) 水, 讓他有蒸汽 (zeng qi/ steam)
- 烤 45-60 分鐘... 把牙籤戳 (ya qian/toothpick, chuo/ poke)下去看看, 沒黏, 就好了!
- 讓他涼快一下... 就能享受了. yum!
- 裝(zhuang/ to store) 在紙袋子 (dai zi/ bag) 裡... 可以放在外頭 1-2 個禮拜
- 多多做, 會越做越好吃哦! 你可以試得放不同種類的東西在麵包裡, 像不同的香料 (xiang liao/ spices), 草藥 (herbs), 堅果 (jianguo/ nuts), 乾果 (ganguo/ fruits), 等等... :)
3 杯溫開水
2 杯麵粉
- 把原料放進一個大玻璃(buoli/glass)或陶瓷(taochi/ceramic)容器 (rong qi/ container)... 要給他足夠空間長
- 注意你的水一定要乾淨... 可以先把開水燒滾燙(guin tang/ boil the water)
- 如果你要, 也可以先泡一些有機(organic)乾果在水裡, 幫酵母發酵
- 把水跟麵粉在大容器裡混在一起
- 用棉布(mianbu/ cotton)鬆鬆的蓋住容器 (酵母需要呼吸哦!)
- 把它放在溫溫的地方 2-5 天... 看看天氣怎樣. 比較熱, 就會發酵的比較快
- 可以每天看一看, 攪一攪(jiao/mix), 給它唱唱歌...
- 它開始起泡泡, 和聞起來有點兒酸酸的, 他就好了!
- 把它攪一攪, 蓋起來, 放進冰箱, 就好了!
- 不要忘了它哦!!!
- 每個月, 或是每隔一個禮拜, 得做麵包啦... 或是最少要給酵母吃東西...
- (一部分酵母 + 一部分水) + (1-2 杯麵粉)... 攪起來, 留在溫溫的地方 12-24 小時, 再放回冰箱... 好了!
- 有太多酵母, 就可以送給朋友, 鼓勵他們也做麵包... yum yum :)
***做發酵麵包!!!!! (sourdough)***
又好吃, 又容易做... yay!
1 1/4 杯酵母 (先攪, 再糧)
2 3/4 杯溫的款泉水
6-7 杯全麥麵粉 (quan mai mian fen/ whole wheat flour)
1-2 茶匙鹽 (cha chi yan/ teaspoon salt)
- 攪起來
- 揉麵團! 揉, 揉, 揉 (rou/ knead)... 要最少揉 10 分鐘, 揉到它軟為止
- 放進有一點油的鍋子. 油讓他不黏 (nian/ stick) 鍋子
- 蓋起來, 讓他坐在那兒 10-12 個小時... 你可以出去玩... 讓它坐久一點沒問題...
- ...等好了, 他會有點兒黏. 再揉吧! 揉 3-5 分鐘... 把它分成兩半 (都可以)
- 把它揉成你要的麵包形狀 (xing zhuang/ shape) 以後, 用濕布 (shi bu/ wet cloth) 蓋 2-3 個小時 (它會長到兩倍大) (你去清廚房, 吧!)
- ... 烤箱預熱 (kao xiang yu re/ preheat oven) 375 F/ 190 C. 裡頭要擺 (bai/ put) 水, 讓他有蒸汽 (zeng qi/ steam)
- 烤 45-60 分鐘... 把牙籤戳 (ya qian/toothpick, chuo/ poke)下去看看, 沒黏, 就好了!
- 讓他涼快一下... 就能享受了. yum!
- 裝(zhuang/ to store) 在紙袋子 (dai zi/ bag) 裡... 可以放在外頭 1-2 個禮拜
- 多多做, 會越做越好吃哦! 你可以試得放不同種類的東西在麵包裡, 像不同的香料 (xiang liao/ spices), 草藥 (herbs), 堅果 (jianguo/ nuts), 乾果 (ganguo/ fruits), 等等... :)
2.06.2011
travel update
yo! quick head's up:
leavin for china, end of february
won't be updatin this phog or using fb, until maybe july
so if ya want, connect with me now!
lovelove
JL
leavin for china, end of february
won't be updatin this phog or using fb, until maybe july
so if ya want, connect with me now!
lovelove
JL
2.03.2011
walk
as i step off the curb,
the possibility of turning left or right presents itself
both ways lead to great places
and either route holds the big empty bowl of possibility
of radically changing my life
and so, i choose
i turn
and keep walking
the possibility of turning left or right presents itself
both ways lead to great places
and either route holds the big empty bowl of possibility
of radically changing my life
and so, i choose
i turn
and keep walking
1.31.2011
Root Rooting Rooted: on Taiwan
Who are you? Where do you come from? Tell me your story. What is your reality? What has nourished, challenged, and sculpted you, most magnificently, into your current reality... and then, when you look down beneath the Earth that you stand upon, what are your roots?
My roots reach deep below my feet, and then far across the Pacific Ocean, with grandparents that migrated from China to Taiwan, and parents that migrated from Taiwan to America. My roots have then carried me, migrating like my ancestors, around and through America for four years, twining and intertwining, and now above and beyond... back across the Ocean, back to my parents' roots, back to Taipei, Taiwan.
(What is this place you call home?)
I am now living in the same area that both my parents grew up in. Down the street, my mom's parents still live in the same house my mom grew up in. The house my dad grew up in is only a few blocks away. I am going to school up the road from my mom's college, learning Chinese, and tasting what it is like to be a student in Taiwan. I visit a beautiful park everyday; this is the where my parents first met. My personal creation myth begins, here. Once upon a time...
(What is your story?)
Every time I sit, poring over books and preparing for tests, in my grandma's store, she watches me, and whispers to my aunt, "She is just like her mother." My every action is watched, is a miracle. The beautiful chubby big-eyed baby has returned to her roots, to her parent's homeland, transformed into a woman. Some woman. We place my school ID next to my mom's old school ID, and see a startling similarity. I am the mirror of her youth. I look into the mysterious black-and-white yet not-so-black-and-white eyes of my mother from when she was even younger than my current age. Who ARE you?
My sprawling family tree smiles up at me from bags and boxes and albums of black-and-white memories. I never even imagined a tree like this. We are migratory. We are steadfast. We are survivors, adventurers, warriors, scholars, artists, healers, and royalty. We are our grandmothers' prayers, we are our grandfathers' dreaming, and we are all (somehow) completely connected by roots intertwined into the most beautiful knots.
(Who is your family? How are they manifested in your being?)
"You are so wise, grandma," I say over a dinner of warming winter soup, stir-fried cauliflowers, and the ever present bowl of rice. My grandma replies, "No, you are much smarter than I am!" She has never gone to school. It was taboo for women to get schooled, in her time. She taught herself how to read and write Chinese. She started this store we sit in now, and is the proud matriarch of a family of five children, who are all married now, each with two children. I say, "One plus one... makes twenty-two!" and "Grandma, you've lived so much longer than I have. You've seen so much. All my schooling is nothing compared to your life experience." We all have so many stories and experiences to share, from worlds apart... and yet not apart at all. Isn't it all just one world, really?
(I don’t know you, but somehow I do. And you, dear grandma, are a huge part of my Life... whether I know it or not. You created my mother, who created me. I am, thus, literally walking in your feet. Who ARE you?)
(I don't know you, but somehow I do. And YOU, dear reader, are somehow also nicely tied into my life, now even more so, from reading this... whether I know it or not. Tell me, tell we, who ARE you?)
Speak to me of family shock. A family tree that extends on forever, with fresh stories that never stop flowing, and realizations that never stop surprising. Oh, so that’s where that pattern came from! Oh, so that’s why Mom walks like this! Oh, so this is why I have an unexplainable penchant for this-or-that! Click, click, and click. All the puzzle pieces in my brain rearrange as my roots dig in deeper and I explore this land, and my family ancestry.
(What's calling to you these days? What stories do you connect with?)
I am now sitting in my room, preparing for bed. A lone bird's night song comes dimly drifting in through the window, grounding green tea scents tickle my nose, scrawling Chinese doodles tumble across my desk, my aunt’s warm wool coat scratches my neck, sweet black sesame paste dessert lingers lovingly on my tongue. I will fall asleep soon, and most likely dream of a forested desertscape with big mountains in the background, and a big ocean in the foreground, all my various-chapters-of-life friends from across my global roots sitting with me in a circle as we share food and stories over a large fire. Soon enough after sleeping and dreaming, I will most likely wake up. And it will be yet another new (perfect and beautiful) day, in a place that is somehow home and somehow not quite home, and new yet familiar, and warm yet cold, and so many sensations, colors, thoughts, and more all rolled into one big pulsating ball of once-in-a-lifetime experience... and I am grateful. Grateful to look into the mirror, and then all around me, and ask the same question again, and again, and again, the Seeker's mantra:
Who ARE you?
Who AM I?
My roots reach deep below my feet, and then far across the Pacific Ocean, with grandparents that migrated from China to Taiwan, and parents that migrated from Taiwan to America. My roots have then carried me, migrating like my ancestors, around and through America for four years, twining and intertwining, and now above and beyond... back across the Ocean, back to my parents' roots, back to Taipei, Taiwan.
(What is this place you call home?)
I am now living in the same area that both my parents grew up in. Down the street, my mom's parents still live in the same house my mom grew up in. The house my dad grew up in is only a few blocks away. I am going to school up the road from my mom's college, learning Chinese, and tasting what it is like to be a student in Taiwan. I visit a beautiful park everyday; this is the where my parents first met. My personal creation myth begins, here. Once upon a time...
(What is your story?)
Every time I sit, poring over books and preparing for tests, in my grandma's store, she watches me, and whispers to my aunt, "She is just like her mother." My every action is watched, is a miracle. The beautiful chubby big-eyed baby has returned to her roots, to her parent's homeland, transformed into a woman. Some woman. We place my school ID next to my mom's old school ID, and see a startling similarity. I am the mirror of her youth. I look into the mysterious black-and-white yet not-so-black-and-white eyes of my mother from when she was even younger than my current age. Who ARE you?
My sprawling family tree smiles up at me from bags and boxes and albums of black-and-white memories. I never even imagined a tree like this. We are migratory. We are steadfast. We are survivors, adventurers, warriors, scholars, artists, healers, and royalty. We are our grandmothers' prayers, we are our grandfathers' dreaming, and we are all (somehow) completely connected by roots intertwined into the most beautiful knots.
(Who is your family? How are they manifested in your being?)
"You are so wise, grandma," I say over a dinner of warming winter soup, stir-fried cauliflowers, and the ever present bowl of rice. My grandma replies, "No, you are much smarter than I am!" She has never gone to school. It was taboo for women to get schooled, in her time. She taught herself how to read and write Chinese. She started this store we sit in now, and is the proud matriarch of a family of five children, who are all married now, each with two children. I say, "One plus one... makes twenty-two!" and "Grandma, you've lived so much longer than I have. You've seen so much. All my schooling is nothing compared to your life experience." We all have so many stories and experiences to share, from worlds apart... and yet not apart at all. Isn't it all just one world, really?
(I don’t know you, but somehow I do. And you, dear grandma, are a huge part of my Life... whether I know it or not. You created my mother, who created me. I am, thus, literally walking in your feet. Who ARE you?)
(I don't know you, but somehow I do. And YOU, dear reader, are somehow also nicely tied into my life, now even more so, from reading this... whether I know it or not. Tell me, tell we, who ARE you?)
Speak to me of family shock. A family tree that extends on forever, with fresh stories that never stop flowing, and realizations that never stop surprising. Oh, so that’s where that pattern came from! Oh, so that’s why Mom walks like this! Oh, so this is why I have an unexplainable penchant for this-or-that! Click, click, and click. All the puzzle pieces in my brain rearrange as my roots dig in deeper and I explore this land, and my family ancestry.
(What's calling to you these days? What stories do you connect with?)
I am now sitting in my room, preparing for bed. A lone bird's night song comes dimly drifting in through the window, grounding green tea scents tickle my nose, scrawling Chinese doodles tumble across my desk, my aunt’s warm wool coat scratches my neck, sweet black sesame paste dessert lingers lovingly on my tongue. I will fall asleep soon, and most likely dream of a forested desertscape with big mountains in the background, and a big ocean in the foreground, all my various-chapters-of-life friends from across my global roots sitting with me in a circle as we share food and stories over a large fire. Soon enough after sleeping and dreaming, I will most likely wake up. And it will be yet another new (perfect and beautiful) day, in a place that is somehow home and somehow not quite home, and new yet familiar, and warm yet cold, and so many sensations, colors, thoughts, and more all rolled into one big pulsating ball of once-in-a-lifetime experience... and I am grateful. Grateful to look into the mirror, and then all around me, and ask the same question again, and again, and again, the Seeker's mantra:
Who ARE you?
Who AM I?
1.22.2011
1.18.2011
my spot . 我的地方
but only birds and bugs fly by here
and not many plants around
just the ones around my neck
and in my stomach
sometimes it's a move spot
where i watch Sun thru closed eyelids
doing sun salutations and deep breaths
hands open and pushing air around
until it doesn't feel like just air
it's a spot
it's commonly termed the cks memorial
i refer to it as my temple, or spot, or just
that place i go to all the time
it's my spot
1.17.2011
. 歡迎 . welcome .
When you enter the forest, remember to stop.
Feel the wind in your hair, smell the greenery, see the scenery, hear the birdsong, taste the magic of this world that you inhabit. Welcome to the forest. You have stepped into a wonderland of plants.
Taiwan has the most diverse fern population in the world. Feel the plants, how soft their leaves, how strong they are. They rise to greet you.
They echo our voices and breaths back to us. Rest your eyes on the green. Bend down, and look under the leaves.
Who lives here? How do I fit in?
1.13.2011
sleepy sheep
body weak for almost a week
doctor lin says
spirit strong, but body weak
strong tea, hot bath,
and just more more sleep
doctor lin says
spirit strong, but body weak
strong tea, hot bath,
and just more more sleep
1.12.2011
dreams
TRUST. believe in Dreams. BELIEVE in Magic. expect the unexpected. it
will all work out. Life happens. so do Miracles.
will all work out. Life happens. so do Miracles.
1.11.2011
rain
it has been raining now for about a week straight
steady constant gentle grey sky doomy gloomy drip drip
but all the tree roots are singing, are singing
and all the spring fruits will be so sweet!
steady constant gentle grey sky doomy gloomy drip drip
but all the tree roots are singing, are singing
and all the spring fruits will be so sweet!
1.06.2011
night tai chi
(from an email)
at first we stood there for maybe 20 minutes?
a guy talked to us from the radio about being aware of our body and etc etc
he used really big words and i understood maybe half of it
i got bored and listened to the people drumming down in the lower area
of the temple
and then my teacher, yen wei yang (yen means color! i'll refer to him
as mr rainbow) led us thru basic exerises
he talked big too!
this practice will really improve my chinese...
does tai chi have basis in verbal stuff?
sounds like it
huge language!
very beautiful but oh-so-confusing
we ended with 3 movement series all on the left side of the body
which i asked mr rainbow about after class
and he was really pleased that i noticed "i don't feel balanced" i said
"well, do the other side at home" he replied, "the movements are
supposed to use muscles on both sides, even when just on one side"
"but i forgot the poses already! and i feel unbalanced!"
"just let it go... don't zhi zuo/ hold on... go to sleep and we'll
practice again in the morning"
best parts of my days= food, rest, tai chi, new people, old family :)
1.05.2011
cloudy day
it's a dark day today
clouds cover all the city
and sounds bounce back down
engulfing us in a cave of song and reverberations
beloved one
with your wings clipped and your rainbow hidden
how will you fly out of this fog?
(nay, my wings are not clipped; they are merely transforming
and i am growing
changing into the dark and changing into the cave itself
you see?
i am just growing)
clouds cover all the city
and sounds bounce back down
engulfing us in a cave of song and reverberations
beloved one
with your wings clipped and your rainbow hidden
how will you fly out of this fog?
(nay, my wings are not clipped; they are merely transforming
and i am growing
changing into the dark and changing into the cave itself
you see?
i am just growing)
1.04.2011
apad
i am starting my a-photo-a-day (apad) project again... just so you all know :)
(and from dec 2006, yes i am still doing the daily morning self-portrait project, project me)
i will not be posting apad daily (no time), but am photographing daily again
in an effort to (re)cultivate photog eyes
photog eyes: watching the beautiful minutia of daily non-humdrum magic: cultivating gratitude
(and from dec 2006, yes i am still doing the daily morning self-portrait project, project me)
i will not be posting apad daily (no time), but am photographing daily again
in an effort to (re)cultivate photog eyes
photog eyes: watching the beautiful minutia of daily non-humdrum magic: cultivating gratitude
1.03.2011
七星山- 04
... and here's a slice of taipei from above
my nainai lives near that river in the photo's top third portion
my ah ma lives near those huge buildings in the lower third portion of photo (me too. school is there too)
Taipei county is like a bowl, ringed by green hills and mountains, and dipped down in the middle for the big City, her very self!
(thanks ming, for photo)
Jan 1 七星山 hike
climbing to the top of this mountain the first day of the New Year is said to bring good luck for the rest of the Year!
七星山 (aka. Chihsing Mountain, or Seven Star Mountain) is the tallest mountain in Taipei... and cold!
(thanks Ming for photo! and Toastmasters for the shared hike!)
12.29.2010
2011
2011
new calendar
just made it a few days ago
tonight
i cut 2010 out of my journal
and sewed 2011 in, to take its place
and so the years fly by
and numbers progress rather quickly
i will turn 27 in a few weeks
and then i will turn 25 a week after that
give me another few years and i will say
"oh! those days!"
with a gleam of flashing teeth and eyes
2010
last year this time,
i was shivering in a connecticut winter
wondering where to next
how long shall i stay here
what am i doing here
now, entering 2011
this year this time,
i am warm in a wool jacket in a taiwan winter
still wondering where to next
but less fervently
still wondering how long i shall stay here
but with less angst
there are slow progressions
and there is much change and also not much changing
and all is always in movement and flow
2011
now on the other side of the world
asking similar questions
to similar yet different trees and stones
the same sky
a different perspective
there is a flower sitting in a cup on this table
a crayon drawing says "open to wonder" and a color pencil sketch says "the distilled essence of life is love and presence"
red silk bag filled with desert and forest usa herbs hangs from the lamp
metal jar of different artemesia and sage smudge sticks, with earrings hanging down
sea shell prayer beads dangling from my clock
energy medicine book, buffalo woman comes singing, chinese herb books, eat pray love
hot tea steaming, little blue cup
scissors, 2010 calendar, old leather journal
colored pencils, colored string, bag of oranges
a pile of maps, my keeper, handkerchiefs
writer, artist, drummer, carpenter, etc signs
pictures of dancing bears, a dream fairy, butterflies, quotes, poems, and beautiful landscapes
a collection of jars, pothos plants, SHE elixir in the corner
suitcase in another corner
door in another corner
backpacking pack in the final corner
warm bed with leaves, sleeping bag, books, lavender and hops eye pillow
open bowls
open hands
heart full
this is the present now
what next?
(what does that even mean?)
learning a lot
more tea
candles and earrings
a mandala from a new hampshire farm boy
guitar stick (renamed soshuma) makes beautiful song
black grinding stone of taiwan or china makes black ink for painting and writing
toe socks on the floor
pile of wool wedged between two book cases
this is the present
gift
new calendar
just made it a few days ago
tonight
i cut 2010 out of my journal
and sewed 2011 in, to take its place
and so the years fly by
and numbers progress rather quickly
i will turn 27 in a few weeks
and then i will turn 25 a week after that
give me another few years and i will say
"oh! those days!"
with a gleam of flashing teeth and eyes
2010
last year this time,
i was shivering in a connecticut winter
wondering where to next
how long shall i stay here
what am i doing here
now, entering 2011
this year this time,
i am warm in a wool jacket in a taiwan winter
still wondering where to next
but less fervently
still wondering how long i shall stay here
but with less angst
there are slow progressions
and there is much change and also not much changing
and all is always in movement and flow
2011
now on the other side of the world
asking similar questions
to similar yet different trees and stones
the same sky
a different perspective
there is a flower sitting in a cup on this table
a crayon drawing says "open to wonder" and a color pencil sketch says "the distilled essence of life is love and presence"
red silk bag filled with desert and forest usa herbs hangs from the lamp
metal jar of different artemesia and sage smudge sticks, with earrings hanging down
sea shell prayer beads dangling from my clock
energy medicine book, buffalo woman comes singing, chinese herb books, eat pray love
hot tea steaming, little blue cup
scissors, 2010 calendar, old leather journal
colored pencils, colored string, bag of oranges
a pile of maps, my keeper, handkerchiefs
writer, artist, drummer, carpenter, etc signs
pictures of dancing bears, a dream fairy, butterflies, quotes, poems, and beautiful landscapes
a collection of jars, pothos plants, SHE elixir in the corner
suitcase in another corner
door in another corner
backpacking pack in the final corner
warm bed with leaves, sleeping bag, books, lavender and hops eye pillow
open bowls
open hands
heart full
this is the present now
what next?
(what does that even mean?)
learning a lot
more tea
candles and earrings
a mandala from a new hampshire farm boy
guitar stick (renamed soshuma) makes beautiful song
black grinding stone of taiwan or china makes black ink for painting and writing
toe socks on the floor
pile of wool wedged between two book cases
this is the present
gift
12.25.2010
chinese poetry: 第一大勇氣詩 experiment
心跳舞蹈
呼吸,吸呼
舞蹈腳步
肚子裡的氣
心中的火
腳底按著按著大地
感覺樹根的手指頭
跟我握握手
呼吸,吸呼
我們一起
心跳舞蹈
---------- (翻譯 : translation)=
heartbeat dance
inhale, exhale
dance steps
breath in the stomach
fire in the heart
feet pressing, pressing against mama earth
feeling tree roots like fingers
interlocking with my own
let us
inhale, exhale
heartbeat dance
呼吸,吸呼
舞蹈腳步
肚子裡的氣
心中的火
腳底按著按著大地
感覺樹根的手指頭
跟我握握手
呼吸,吸呼
我們一起
心跳舞蹈
---------- (翻譯 : translation)=
heartbeat dance
inhale, exhale
dance steps
breath in the stomach
fire in the heart
feet pressing, pressing against mama earth
feeling tree roots like fingers
interlocking with my own
let us
inhale, exhale
heartbeat dance
12.24.2010
once upon a time
... there was Nothing
and the Nothing was everything, and the everything was Nothing
until one day,
Wind began to blow
she blew in circles and spirals
eventually blowing a Flame into Being
Suns, and Stars
then rising and morphing into Planets,
among them Earth
Waters covering all the Earth
rolling and tumbling over each other
one day slowly rising from the Waters
a Mountain
further rising into Being more Stones, and Plants, Animals,
and then
there is a Human sitting on the top of the Mountain
it's you
and none of it is separate at all
the Human on the Mountain from the Waters of the Earth, of the Sun and its Flame, borne of Wind, and all ideas birthed from Nothing...
all still Nothing
which is everything
which is
Nothing
and what is the sound of all this Nothing and everything?
and the Nothing was everything, and the everything was Nothing
until one day,
Wind began to blow
she blew in circles and spirals
eventually blowing a Flame into Being
Suns, and Stars
then rising and morphing into Planets,
among them Earth
Waters covering all the Earth
rolling and tumbling over each other
one day slowly rising from the Waters
a Mountain
further rising into Being more Stones, and Plants, Animals,
and then
there is a Human sitting on the top of the Mountain
it's you
and none of it is separate at all
the Human on the Mountain from the Waters of the Earth, of the Sun and its Flame, borne of Wind, and all ideas birthed from Nothing...
all still Nothing
which is everything
which is
Nothing
and what is the sound of all this Nothing and everything?
12.14.2010
sincerely yours
in answer to the question
raised from tall ancient trees
brewed from deep dark primeval forests
and simmered in oceanic stews
in response to the query
posed from mirrored waterfalls
overflowing from volcanic blood baths
and tossed from stardust cliffs
YES
raised from tall ancient trees
brewed from deep dark primeval forests
and simmered in oceanic stews
in response to the query
posed from mirrored waterfalls
overflowing from volcanic blood baths
and tossed from stardust cliffs
YES
meridian dance
the utter perfection of this very moment
lies in the unutterable quality of
(perfection)
your very real my very own
tingling fingertips running (diagonally) down green fields tinged with golden fragmites
landing (touching with great satisfaction) gently on stone-kissed stepping feet
where does this line travel in our (same same same) body?
lies in the unutterable quality of
(perfection)
your very real my very own
tingling fingertips running (diagonally) down green fields tinged with golden fragmites
landing (touching with great satisfaction) gently on stone-kissed stepping feet
where does this line travel in our (same same same) body?
土地公 (mountain spirits)
the spirits of the land have got it pretty good here
there's a small shrine at the bottom of each hill and mountain
(even other places too）
incense, fruits, prayers, gratitude, and more
a constant reminder of all the seen and unseen forces walking with us
there's a small shrine at the bottom of each hill and mountain
(even other places too）
incense, fruits, prayers, gratitude, and more
a constant reminder of all the seen and unseen forces walking with us
12.12.2010
so this is love?
is it possible
that i have fallen in love with you
(again)?
or maybe i just never stopped loving you
even though i didn't even remember when
once upon a time
i loved you
perhaps
once upon a time
dinosaurs roamed this land
and ferns grew even taller than them
and maybe even
once upon a time
there were no buildings
(i wonder what that landscape would be like!)
and barefoot children wandered the land
and baskets overflowed with acorns and berries
(i wonder if there were coconut trees?)
once upon a time
what were the dogs like here?
now they loll in packs in the park
basking in the sun
what if i
once upon a time
slept under a tree
and dreamed of you
only to wake
and wonder if i dreamed of you
or did you dream of me
or neither and it's all just a big
dreamtime game
what if i
(still loving you. once in love upon an again time)
came to you in this day
(among all other days)
in a dreamtime living reality of we
and said
(speaking is as true as walking is as flying)
hey you
(and our eyes connect)
haven't we met before?
(there is a light of recognition)
it's been a while
(the light is flickering)
but
once upon a time
the planets decided to have a little fun
and play some tricks
be coyote
they set fire to the tree we slept under
they flooded the eyes we were gazing into
and then they drew lines in the earth and said
(speaking like thunder)
now go
and search
and maybe
maybe
one day
once
upon
a
(never? always? true? not?)
time
(surreal. inconsequential. or purely sequential?)
our hearts beating with
(teach me, drums)
earth beat rhythms
foot beats rising and falling
eyelashes raising, then lowering
arms down, head down, breath out to greet the dust
arms up, head up, spine straight to breathe in the shine
spine bent, head loosened, eyes flooding to sea the earth, inhaling
exhaling, hands open, arms high, head proud, nose touching ether
arms down
legs down
head up
eyes open
heart bursting
touch me
that i have fallen in love with you
(again)?
or maybe i just never stopped loving you
even though i didn't even remember when
once upon a time
i loved you
perhaps
once upon a time
dinosaurs roamed this land
and ferns grew even taller than them
and maybe even
once upon a time
there were no buildings
(i wonder what that landscape would be like!)
and barefoot children wandered the land
and baskets overflowed with acorns and berries
(i wonder if there were coconut trees?)
once upon a time
what were the dogs like here?
now they loll in packs in the park
basking in the sun
what if i
once upon a time
slept under a tree
and dreamed of you
only to wake
and wonder if i dreamed of you
or did you dream of me
or neither and it's all just a big
dreamtime game
what if i
(still loving you. once in love upon an again time)
came to you in this day
(among all other days)
in a dreamtime living reality of we
and said
(speaking is as true as walking is as flying)
hey you
(and our eyes connect)
haven't we met before?
(there is a light of recognition)
it's been a while
(the light is flickering)
but
once upon a time
the planets decided to have a little fun
and play some tricks
be coyote
they set fire to the tree we slept under
they flooded the eyes we were gazing into
and then they drew lines in the earth and said
(speaking like thunder)
now go
and search
and maybe
maybe
one day
once
upon
a
(never? always? true? not?)
time
(surreal. inconsequential. or purely sequential?)
our hearts beating with
(teach me, drums)
earth beat rhythms
foot beats rising and falling
eyelashes raising, then lowering
arms down, head down, breath out to greet the dust
arms up, head up, spine straight to breathe in the shine
spine bent, head loosened, eyes flooding to sea the earth, inhaling
exhaling, hands open, arms high, head proud, nose touching ether
arms down
legs down
head up
eyes open
heart bursting
touch me
ferns
taiwan has the most diverse fern population... in the world!
and yet, we can't find any traces of dinosaurs around here...
we came up with the reason why, today:
no dinosaurs to eat the ferns, so the ferns lived a happy fear-free existence
and grew to be very diverse and old and happy wise
(we come up with the most deep philosophical ideas during long hikes!)
and yet, we can't find any traces of dinosaurs around here...
we came up with the reason why, today:
no dinosaurs to eat the ferns, so the ferns lived a happy fear-free existence
and grew to be very diverse and old and happy wise
(we come up with the most deep philosophical ideas during long hikes!)
12.06.2010
welcome to taipei
welcome to taipei
smell the wet air
thick with car, motorcycle, bus fumes
step into the subway
feel the thick heat of thousands of bodies that have pulsed through
look away from the eyes
there are too many of them
but they are all differing degrees of bright
once upon a time children
now shadows of children that are hiding
hiding behind make-up and heels,
suits, vests, and bags
hiding behind poverty stricken grime and loud begging cries,
prostitute women shy yet brazen leaning against the bridge
welcome to taipei
raise your arm above your head
hold on tight as the bus rattles over the bumpy roads
stopping often to avoid hitting the thousands of reckless fast others
biking, motorcycling, walking, and driving
feel the bodies pushing and pulling against your own
and hold your breath when the door opens
and someone steps in smelling like cigarettes
the smell of the wet pavement rising up behind him
well, might as well step out now then
and smell this wet pavement
rich with too many years of too many feet and vehicles
wonder about what lies beneath the pavement
raise your head to look beyond the buildings
and watch the clouds reaching and pulling towards and away
from the tall mountains
some soft some jagged
so far, too far in the distance
imagine the echoes of monkeys howling
close your eyes yes even on this dirty street corner and
see ancient spirits living in holes in rocks in caves in mountains
mountains so old that even here in this city
there are shrines honoring the mountains spirits and earth gods
say yes to the grandmother that offers you some incense
she gives you three sticks of incense
one for the sky god, one for the earth god, and one for the god of the present moment
smell all the years of incense trapped in this one little room
all the smoke wafting and billowing up into the red rafters coloring them a dark blood red
closed eyes again, seeing the blood of my own body coursing through into my heart
feeling the pulsing of my feet hard against this cement-layered earth
feeling lava pushing way down below my feet
so far below
but it once created this very island we stand upon
welcome to taipei, taiwan
sit upon these old stone steps with me now and watch the sun rise
it first hits that tall skyscraper over there
and then the light bounces over to that other skyscrapers over there
until eventually we can see the reflection of big red circular mister sun himself reflected on that skyscraper far over there
and the birds will sing louder and louder
until eventually they all get drowned out by the motor vehicles' songs
welcome to taipei
watch the faces of the thousands of people passing by and listen to their little songs
the gate guard sings a native american chant as he bikes to his post
a customer returns day after day to a shop. they are friends now
the schoolboys walk fast and chatter even faster. something is so very exciting.
the women's voices are high pitched, their skirts even higher pitched.
an old couple walking hand in hand, him carrying her purse and umbrella, her laughing at his jokes.
couples at night all over the old temple, watching the lights of a city that doesn't quite sleep.
faces with scarves that show only the eyes. walking fast. going somewhere incredible.
browned farmers at farmer stands everyday with loud voices and fresh fruits.
bus driver that says peace be with you, and you are blessed. gentle eyes in the mirror.
old women dancing all the same dance in the park, saying come join us, and welcome.
the eyes of a baby in the subway, shining, laughing, innocent, curious, and amused.
welcome newborn one, welcome to taipei.
here, enjoy this cup of fresh tea.
smell the wet air
thick with car, motorcycle, bus fumes
step into the subway
feel the thick heat of thousands of bodies that have pulsed through
look away from the eyes
there are too many of them
but they are all differing degrees of bright
once upon a time children
now shadows of children that are hiding
hiding behind make-up and heels,
suits, vests, and bags
hiding behind poverty stricken grime and loud begging cries,
prostitute women shy yet brazen leaning against the bridge
welcome to taipei
raise your arm above your head
hold on tight as the bus rattles over the bumpy roads
stopping often to avoid hitting the thousands of reckless fast others
biking, motorcycling, walking, and driving
feel the bodies pushing and pulling against your own
and hold your breath when the door opens
and someone steps in smelling like cigarettes
the smell of the wet pavement rising up behind him
well, might as well step out now then
and smell this wet pavement
rich with too many years of too many feet and vehicles
wonder about what lies beneath the pavement
raise your head to look beyond the buildings
and watch the clouds reaching and pulling towards and away
from the tall mountains
some soft some jagged
so far, too far in the distance
imagine the echoes of monkeys howling
close your eyes yes even on this dirty street corner and
see ancient spirits living in holes in rocks in caves in mountains
mountains so old that even here in this city
there are shrines honoring the mountains spirits and earth gods
say yes to the grandmother that offers you some incense
she gives you three sticks of incense
one for the sky god, one for the earth god, and one for the god of the present moment
smell all the years of incense trapped in this one little room
all the smoke wafting and billowing up into the red rafters coloring them a dark blood red
closed eyes again, seeing the blood of my own body coursing through into my heart
feeling the pulsing of my feet hard against this cement-layered earth
feeling lava pushing way down below my feet
so far below
but it once created this very island we stand upon
welcome to taipei, taiwan
sit upon these old stone steps with me now and watch the sun rise
it first hits that tall skyscraper over there
and then the light bounces over to that other skyscrapers over there
until eventually we can see the reflection of big red circular mister sun himself reflected on that skyscraper far over there
and the birds will sing louder and louder
until eventually they all get drowned out by the motor vehicles' songs
welcome to taipei
watch the faces of the thousands of people passing by and listen to their little songs
the gate guard sings a native american chant as he bikes to his post
a customer returns day after day to a shop. they are friends now
the schoolboys walk fast and chatter even faster. something is so very exciting.
the women's voices are high pitched, their skirts even higher pitched.
an old couple walking hand in hand, him carrying her purse and umbrella, her laughing at his jokes.
couples at night all over the old temple, watching the lights of a city that doesn't quite sleep.
faces with scarves that show only the eyes. walking fast. going somewhere incredible.
browned farmers at farmer stands everyday with loud voices and fresh fruits.
bus driver that says peace be with you, and you are blessed. gentle eyes in the mirror.
old women dancing all the same dance in the park, saying come join us, and welcome.
the eyes of a baby in the subway, shining, laughing, innocent, curious, and amused.
welcome newborn one, welcome to taipei.
here, enjoy this cup of fresh tea.
12.03.2010
first chinese class assignment：on living environment
for our first assignment in chinese class (we will write 1-2 essays every week. which is a HUGE challenge for me. i can write so fast in english in either poetry or prose, and then the translated words down below... in chinese...took hours)
the prompt was to describe our living environment...
it took me a couple hours to write this in chinese
and now i am translating it into english because i don't know how to type in chinese (okay, and i don't have the patience)
and even though i will complain about how long it took and how frustrating it is to try and completely express myself in a language that i can't get "deep" with... well, i sorta enjoyed the challenge
and am interested in how the results will sound in english
and i only hope i will be able to continue focusing on my other assignments and whatnot for the next 3 months, and give it so much Heart, like i gave this assignment
here's your translation, my dear english-reading friends :)
－－－
it's a different world outside of the window. outside of the window, in the farthest area, soft clouds slowly pull themselves across big beautiful mountains. the blue sky is sometimes black, sometimes grey, sometimes red, sometimes gold. outside of the window, a little bit closer, people and stinky cars are everywhere. the small stores and tall buildings fight, seeing who can push who out into the busy streets, to further jostle about with the people, cars, motorcycles, buses, and bikes. the smell that gets jostled out is like too much food in too small of a refrigerator... it's a tad bit rank. outside of the window, in the closest area, there are two exceptionally tall buildings, a small temple, many furniture stores, and a small park. the green leaves in the park help my eyes and heart silence and rest.
welcome back.
it's a different world inside of the window, too. inside of the window, there's rows and rows of books, a wooden table, two chairs, a black suitcase, and a basket of clothes. this isn't really my room; i'm borrowing my cousin's room. but, the wooden floor boards say to me, "no problem. so long as you are comfortable, it's all good!" closest to the window is a bed. at the head of the bed, there's a small metal container filled with my precious medicine grasses that i gathered in the usa mountains. every morning and night, i burn these medicine grasses, like burning incense, and pray. their sweet smoke helps me fly out the window, flying over a city full of rushing people, flying over the big mountains of this small island, flying over a majestic endless ocean, flying over my beautiful usa old homeland, flying over the echoes and spirits of the deep mountains, finally flying to the red rocks and big winds of the desert, and then flying with the wind... going and going until after encircling the entire universe, continuing to fly... and flying over a huge ocean, flying over a small island's big mountains, flying over a beautiful little park in a too-big city, flying into a wide-open window...
---
alright. so i just reread this. it actually sounds A LOT better in chinese, and was REALLY difficult to translate and... yeah it sounds a lot better in chinese. wow. for some reason, that really pleases me. :)
oh, and usa in chinese is "mei guo," which literally translates as "beautiful world."so, there's some use of multiple words in the essay that could only be caught when read in chinese. sorta like a pun. and that really pleases ｍｅ！:)
chinese class. we will have a test every other day. lots to learn. 7 other people in class.
and various other things to report on, like i've moved into a different place, i walked into mountains with uncle and saw bear and monkey, am making new friends, learning about local plants, etc etc etc
so much other stories but
now it's bed time
off to dream of ｇｏｌｄｅｎ ｇｌｏｗｉｎｇ chapparal!
ｗａｎ ａｎ
the prompt was to describe our living environment...
it took me a couple hours to write this in chinese
and now i am translating it into english because i don't know how to type in chinese (okay, and i don't have the patience)
and even though i will complain about how long it took and how frustrating it is to try and completely express myself in a language that i can't get "deep" with... well, i sorta enjoyed the challenge
and am interested in how the results will sound in english
and i only hope i will be able to continue focusing on my other assignments and whatnot for the next 3 months, and give it so much Heart, like i gave this assignment
here's your translation, my dear english-reading friends :)
－－－
it's a different world outside of the window. outside of the window, in the farthest area, soft clouds slowly pull themselves across big beautiful mountains. the blue sky is sometimes black, sometimes grey, sometimes red, sometimes gold. outside of the window, a little bit closer, people and stinky cars are everywhere. the small stores and tall buildings fight, seeing who can push who out into the busy streets, to further jostle about with the people, cars, motorcycles, buses, and bikes. the smell that gets jostled out is like too much food in too small of a refrigerator... it's a tad bit rank. outside of the window, in the closest area, there are two exceptionally tall buildings, a small temple, many furniture stores, and a small park. the green leaves in the park help my eyes and heart silence and rest.
welcome back.
it's a different world inside of the window, too. inside of the window, there's rows and rows of books, a wooden table, two chairs, a black suitcase, and a basket of clothes. this isn't really my room; i'm borrowing my cousin's room. but, the wooden floor boards say to me, "no problem. so long as you are comfortable, it's all good!" closest to the window is a bed. at the head of the bed, there's a small metal container filled with my precious medicine grasses that i gathered in the usa mountains. every morning and night, i burn these medicine grasses, like burning incense, and pray. their sweet smoke helps me fly out the window, flying over a city full of rushing people, flying over the big mountains of this small island, flying over a majestic endless ocean, flying over my beautiful usa old homeland, flying over the echoes and spirits of the deep mountains, finally flying to the red rocks and big winds of the desert, and then flying with the wind... going and going until after encircling the entire universe, continuing to fly... and flying over a huge ocean, flying over a small island's big mountains, flying over a beautiful little park in a too-big city, flying into a wide-open window...
---
alright. so i just reread this. it actually sounds A LOT better in chinese, and was REALLY difficult to translate and... yeah it sounds a lot better in chinese. wow. for some reason, that really pleases me. :)
oh, and usa in chinese is "mei guo," which literally translates as "beautiful world."so, there's some use of multiple words in the essay that could only be caught when read in chinese. sorta like a pun. and that really pleases ｍｅ！:)
chinese class. we will have a test every other day. lots to learn. 7 other people in class.
and various other things to report on, like i've moved into a different place, i walked into mountains with uncle and saw bear and monkey, am making new friends, learning about local plants, etc etc etc
so much other stories but
now it's bed time
off to dream of ｇｏｌｄｅｎ ｇｌｏｗｉｎｇ chapparal!
ｗａｎ ａｎ
11.22.2010
taiwan
yes yes here i am in taiwan now with my relatives
and if you want to hear updates let me know, and i can add you to my email list... (give me your email, obviously)
i don't think i'll be posting much on the blog... not updates, at least. poetry and photos, perhaps. i'll be emailing verbal-updates instead
love!
jiling
11.18.2010
taiwan: embark!
it begins today
the airplane flies from 1:45 pm cali time today
until 8:30 pm taiwan time friday
mmm
the airplane flies from 1:45 pm cali time today
until 8:30 pm taiwan time friday
mmm
11.17.2010
2006 to 2010: four years of usa travel: The Map
color key
2006- red line (mostly on the west)
2007- green line
2008- blue line
2009- turquoise line
2010- red line again (mostly on the east)
this map was one of my first travel maps. i would write in where i'd been, people i met, and their suggestions for where to go next... after a while, the map got too full. i met more people than the map could handle, and ditto to all the places i went to and wanted to go to next... but i kept the map in my journal bucket. and now, four years later, i have drawn lines all over it once again.
cheers to post-collegiate usa adventures! i now award myself an M.A. (Masters of Adventures) in USA. and now, off to taiwan and etc to get my Ph.D in ____! :)
final autumn 2010 cali photos
ciau, bella! meegwetch!
gigawabbamin (until the circle comes together again) california and usa and etc...
here's photos
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2829402&id=2514403&l=d81cca47cf
gigawabbamin (until the circle comes together again) california and usa and etc...
here's photos
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2829402&id=2514403&l=d81cca47cf
11.14.2010
one love
yes
i do love this country
with all it's hills and mountains
and the small towns and
not quite so much the cities
but i can appreciate even them too
(from a distance please)
but yes
i do love this country
i have walked it's hills
scaled it's cliffs
swam in its waters
and looked into the eyes of its people
and smiled
appreciating the great
beauty and diversity
of all the different spaces
and different people borne of different spaces and places
different circumstances, different peoples
welcome to homeland
and now,
off to another homeland
one that i haven't explored yet
but one that my parents grew up in
one that i originated from within deep my gut, blood, and bones
ancient memories that i don't even yet see
let alone understand!
welcome to homeland ancient and not yet understood
waiting to be seen and heard
i am walking into you again
with my arms and eyes open
this basket here is empty
i have other baskets with other goods
but this basket here is empty
i will call it my ancient asian ancestry basket perhaps
whatever it is
it's ready to be filled
now!
welcome back to homeland ancient
unknown cliffs, hills, waters, stones...
i remember
waking up on stones to sunlight glinting thru my eyelids
a smile on my face, laughter in my heart
sage gazing down at me with benevolence
and a joshua tree standing nearby, laughing also
i remember
waking up in the middle of a rushing river
on another stone, final rays of sun reddening sky once blue
cold evening winds beginning to kiss and caress
i remember
kneeling next to a stream
admiring sunlight glinting rainbows thru the first icicles of winter
reflecting into the rushing waters of the stream
i remember
looking into your eyes and seeing my own eyes reflected
and imagined your eyes reflected in my eyes in yours again
and on and on
these rivers uniting these skies and cliffs and stones
all as one
as i bid this land that i love farewell
i remember
this earth is round
it's all connected together
one sky
one earth
one people
one love
always hello again, hello wow hello!
never goodbye
and oh
i love you so much
thank we
i do love this country
with all it's hills and mountains
and the small towns and
not quite so much the cities
but i can appreciate even them too
(from a distance please)
but yes
i do love this country
i have walked it's hills
scaled it's cliffs
swam in its waters
and looked into the eyes of its people
and smiled
appreciating the great
beauty and diversity
of all the different spaces
and different people borne of different spaces and places
different circumstances, different peoples
welcome to homeland
and now,
off to another homeland
one that i haven't explored yet
but one that my parents grew up in
one that i originated from within deep my gut, blood, and bones
ancient memories that i don't even yet see
let alone understand!
welcome to homeland ancient and not yet understood
waiting to be seen and heard
i am walking into you again
with my arms and eyes open
this basket here is empty
i have other baskets with other goods
but this basket here is empty
i will call it my ancient asian ancestry basket perhaps
whatever it is
it's ready to be filled
now!
welcome back to homeland ancient
unknown cliffs, hills, waters, stones...
i remember
waking up on stones to sunlight glinting thru my eyelids
a smile on my face, laughter in my heart
sage gazing down at me with benevolence
and a joshua tree standing nearby, laughing also
i remember
waking up in the middle of a rushing river
on another stone, final rays of sun reddening sky once blue
cold evening winds beginning to kiss and caress
i remember
kneeling next to a stream
admiring sunlight glinting rainbows thru the first icicles of winter
reflecting into the rushing waters of the stream
i remember
looking into your eyes and seeing my own eyes reflected
and imagined your eyes reflected in my eyes in yours again
and on and on
these rivers uniting these skies and cliffs and stones
all as one
as i bid this land that i love farewell
i remember
this earth is round
it's all connected together
one sky
one earth
one people
one love
always hello again, hello wow hello!
never goodbye
and oh
i love you so much
thank we
frida
death leading to birth leading to death again
recycling
this sky so blue leading to cliffs that tower
edges to be pushed
gravity free float it down
your freckles like sunspots staring too long into the light
deathbed lying, face peaceful
this last poetry to be read over and over
artwork questioned
what remains?
recycling
this sky so blue leading to cliffs that tower
edges to be pushed
gravity free float it down
your freckles like sunspots staring too long into the light
deathbed lying, face peaceful
this last poetry to be read over and over
artwork questioned
what remains?
11.12.2010
11.10.2010
train back across the country from vt to gila, nm to ca
photos from autumn 2010 train ride back from vermont to gila, nm to california again!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2826701&id=2514403&l=58d3a01987
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2826701&id=2514403&l=58d3a01987
mojave national preserve
photos from weekend shared with mojave desert, big sky, adrian, and sierra
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2826796&id=2514403&l=b8abe05dac
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2826796&id=2514403&l=b8abe05dac
11.09.2010
mmm
after sun went to sleep
i watched the moon
and realized
that when she is full again
i will be on the other side of this earth
still saying good night sun and hello moon
and wondering still and again
what am i doing
here
?
i watched the moon
and realized
that when she is full again
i will be on the other side of this earth
still saying good night sun and hello moon
and wondering still and again
what am i doing
here
?
woosh
pulled north south east west in equal portions
for firm balance of center yes
the stillness of this momentous presence is so
stillingly alive with
emptyful
for firm balance of center yes
the stillness of this momentous presence is so
stillingly alive with
emptyful
poem for a sunrise we
(from a Mojave sunrise)
i see you everywhere---
you are in the movement of Wind
as she rises from Valley
up thru Canyon
down into another Canyon
you are the cold kiss of morning dew
wet on my sleeping bag
a reminder of last night's thunderstorm
over the mountains
you are all the birds shaking and waking
you are their song as they
greet Sun's pink glow
rising over tanned and blushing cliffs
you are the transition from night to day
with owls hooting to an end
and children's laughter and morning yawns
you are the birth of a baby goat arising
coming steaming into the reality of day
blinking into being
sticky with Creator's juices
you are the tingle in my fingers
when i lay them over my food
and give thanks for their
nourishment and abundance
you are the joy and pain that is one
in my Heart
you are the light that shines
from the farthest Star
to warm my cold nights
you are the very pen and my very fingers
you are so very momentous i and we
that
welcome to this Moment
as we breathe and heartbeat,
intertwined into
we are
that which is unspeakable
but so very touchable
here
now let's kiss
i see you everywhere---
you are in the movement of Wind
as she rises from Valley
up thru Canyon
down into another Canyon
you are the cold kiss of morning dew
wet on my sleeping bag
a reminder of last night's thunderstorm
over the mountains
you are all the birds shaking and waking
you are their song as they
greet Sun's pink glow
rising over tanned and blushing cliffs
you are the transition from night to day
with owls hooting to an end
and children's laughter and morning yawns
you are the birth of a baby goat arising
coming steaming into the reality of day
blinking into being
sticky with Creator's juices
you are the tingle in my fingers
when i lay them over my food
and give thanks for their
nourishment and abundance
you are the joy and pain that is one
in my Heart
you are the light that shines
from the farthest Star
to warm my cold nights
you are the very pen and my very fingers
you are so very momentous i and we
that
welcome to this Moment
as we breathe and heartbeat,
intertwined into
we are
that which is unspeakable
but so very touchable
here
now let's kiss
11.08.2010
joshua tree and mojave national preserve
(this stream-of-consciousness written with so much love and gratitude to aaron for sharing my jtree adventure, and adrian/sierra for sharing my mojave adventure)
we see the most incredible sunrises and sunsets in the desert
eyes open wide, body tightly plastered to rock, breath so deep
that it booms against the very cliffs and canyons
and then evaporates so quickly into the air
that it manifests
as the reddest loudest yet most silent
magnificent
sunsets and sunrises we have ever seen in our lives
coyotes howling nightly to a descending moon
until moon is so dense that we can't see her anymore
only her posse of wild outlaw stars singing loudly
the international anthem of the universe
giving directions on how to walk the beauty way
in such a way
indescribable
joshua tree for a week with aaron, yes indescribable
fullness, presence, breadth, reality...
pure being
so much laughter and sinking down, rising up with earth and winds
moment to moment presence
i can't word this yet
but i can say
wow
i am so grateful for my brothers and sisters in this world
and i am so grateful for the mountains and deserts and wild places
grateful for plant and animal friends and teachers
(we all teachers and students. the best students are best teachers and etcetera)
grateful for conversations so rich that they last all night
and we are surprised that the sun is rising already
grateful for the invisibly visible and present art gift of improvisation
vocal cords jamming and intertwining with each other, heartstrings, and rocks
grateful for warning rattles on rattlesnakes that hide in caves that i stand in front of
grateful for ancient natives who used to do ceremony in front of these caves
and infused them with grace, power, and unspeakable energy
grateful for young and old people who still remember old old stories
and grateful for the gift to weave new new stories with old old rhythms
grateful for old rhythms, woven in new ways
grateful for eyes that see, and hands that know
and a feeling of comfortableness borne of eons of knowing each other
grateful to see you again, and reconnect
grateful for SHE (Sacred Healing Elixirs) of all sorts
grateful for spirits that rise into my cheeks and make them blossom for days
grateful for plant medicines that turn our skins brown, not burnt red
grateful for shamanic journeys that take us farther than roads ever could
purely grateful
and filled with lovelovelove
(we even made a "son"!)
and then weekend with adrian and sierra at mojave national preserve
driving for what felt like days and days
are we there yet?
yes we are here
no we are not
we are here. welcome to the present moment. :)
jaz!
okay...
well here we are standing so close to the peak
i know that the wind is blowing so hard
but this is a once in a lifetime kinda thing
it's now or never
never!
well... let's put it this way
we are very close to the top
it won't hurt (that much)
and you can tell your baby sister about this and then share it with her one day
plus the wind is not so bad up there
and you can touch the sky!
okay
yes! wow what a view what a sky what a landscape
these mountains that roll all over
once upon a time we named it all "god poop"
and now i realize it's really yes god's compost heap
all these boulders and stones scattered thru the landscape...
once upon a time, all this was ocean
and then tectonic plates moving and shifting until
once upon a time, underwater mountains
and mountains rising and rising until
landscapes
limestone
fossils and artifacts and caves deep down under
let's dance down this hill and sprint until we make the most beautiful sand art
let's leave drawings of hearts and suns in the sand, next to the small green plants
they appreciate it
did you just feel that fairy kiss?
you see all those holes in the rocks?
a fairy spirit lives in each hole
jesse james used to live in a hole in the wall here too
there's a deep feeling of sacredness and
wow
can you feel the sacred silence?
did you feel that tingle?
we are being watched
and we are being blessed
sending out the intention now then for only the good spirits...
and back up to sky again
down in the cave it was so dark and dank and magical
fire by night for the most incredible meals i know how to make
roasting it directly over the fire sweet flame thank you
looking up at all the shooting stars
waking up in the middle of the night to look at each other, smile, and share dreams
until sun rises and we exclaim hooray for another day of being alive!
and wow our dreams are so similar!
i wonder if there's a magical cord that extends from my head to yours at night
whilst we sleep
and dream?
then back to the silent aloneness of just me and desert sky
after all the cars have rolled away and even the mouse is asleep
it's just me and you again
just like old days
i feel a richness that comes from being with people though
there is a richness to both being with others and just being with myself
initially, after both sets of cars left, i felt huge loneliness
and then gradually gradually
sky descended
song entered
and i could feel my heart beating with the trembling mountains and twinkling stars
closing my eyes i can see the elder with glowing hands placing flames into my belly and heart
i can feel the heat rising, balanced with water
(and more on that story, just ask me and i will tell you when it's time)
(when it's time, all these mountains will grind back into pure white sand
and we will bathe with them in pure white light)
we see the most incredible sunrises and sunsets in the desert
eyes open wide, body tightly plastered to rock, breath so deep
that it booms against the very cliffs and canyons
and then evaporates so quickly into the air
that it manifests
as the reddest loudest yet most silent
magnificent
sunsets and sunrises we have ever seen in our lives
coyotes howling nightly to a descending moon
until moon is so dense that we can't see her anymore
only her posse of wild outlaw stars singing loudly
the international anthem of the universe
giving directions on how to walk the beauty way
in such a way
indescribable
joshua tree for a week with aaron, yes indescribable
fullness, presence, breadth, reality...
pure being
so much laughter and sinking down, rising up with earth and winds
moment to moment presence
i can't word this yet
but i can say
wow
i am so grateful for my brothers and sisters in this world
and i am so grateful for the mountains and deserts and wild places
grateful for plant and animal friends and teachers
(we all teachers and students. the best students are best teachers and etcetera)
grateful for conversations so rich that they last all night
and we are surprised that the sun is rising already
grateful for the invisibly visible and present art gift of improvisation
vocal cords jamming and intertwining with each other, heartstrings, and rocks
grateful for warning rattles on rattlesnakes that hide in caves that i stand in front of
grateful for ancient natives who used to do ceremony in front of these caves
and infused them with grace, power, and unspeakable energy
grateful for young and old people who still remember old old stories
and grateful for the gift to weave new new stories with old old rhythms
grateful for old rhythms, woven in new ways
grateful for eyes that see, and hands that know
and a feeling of comfortableness borne of eons of knowing each other
grateful to see you again, and reconnect
grateful for SHE (Sacred Healing Elixirs) of all sorts
grateful for spirits that rise into my cheeks and make them blossom for days
grateful for plant medicines that turn our skins brown, not burnt red
grateful for shamanic journeys that take us farther than roads ever could
purely grateful
and filled with lovelovelove
(we even made a "son"!)
and then weekend with adrian and sierra at mojave national preserve
driving for what felt like days and days
are we there yet?
yes we are here
no we are not
we are here. welcome to the present moment. :)
jaz!
okay...
well here we are standing so close to the peak
i know that the wind is blowing so hard
but this is a once in a lifetime kinda thing
it's now or never
never!
well... let's put it this way
we are very close to the top
it won't hurt (that much)
and you can tell your baby sister about this and then share it with her one day
plus the wind is not so bad up there
and you can touch the sky!
okay
yes! wow what a view what a sky what a landscape
these mountains that roll all over
once upon a time we named it all "god poop"
and now i realize it's really yes god's compost heap
all these boulders and stones scattered thru the landscape...
once upon a time, all this was ocean
and then tectonic plates moving and shifting until
once upon a time, underwater mountains
and mountains rising and rising until
landscapes
limestone
fossils and artifacts and caves deep down under
let's dance down this hill and sprint until we make the most beautiful sand art
let's leave drawings of hearts and suns in the sand, next to the small green plants
they appreciate it
did you just feel that fairy kiss?
you see all those holes in the rocks?
a fairy spirit lives in each hole
jesse james used to live in a hole in the wall here too
there's a deep feeling of sacredness and
wow
can you feel the sacred silence?
did you feel that tingle?
we are being watched
and we are being blessed
sending out the intention now then for only the good spirits...
and back up to sky again
down in the cave it was so dark and dank and magical
fire by night for the most incredible meals i know how to make
roasting it directly over the fire sweet flame thank you
looking up at all the shooting stars
waking up in the middle of the night to look at each other, smile, and share dreams
until sun rises and we exclaim hooray for another day of being alive!
and wow our dreams are so similar!
i wonder if there's a magical cord that extends from my head to yours at night
whilst we sleep
and dream?
then back to the silent aloneness of just me and desert sky
after all the cars have rolled away and even the mouse is asleep
it's just me and you again
just like old days
i feel a richness that comes from being with people though
there is a richness to both being with others and just being with myself
initially, after both sets of cars left, i felt huge loneliness
and then gradually gradually
sky descended
song entered
and i could feel my heart beating with the trembling mountains and twinkling stars
closing my eyes i can see the elder with glowing hands placing flames into my belly and heart
i can feel the heat rising, balanced with water
(and more on that story, just ask me and i will tell you when it's time)
(when it's time, all these mountains will grind back into pure white sand
and we will bathe with them in pure white light)
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