back from the forest

internet is super slow right now and i have more stories coming for
you, my family (via email) but right now just upload onto this blog...
i am back for the forest. and i am well. more then well!!! radiant and
so happy to be here on this planet! and i will write more when the
internet is faster. :) love y'all!
jiling

tacomepai permaculture design course

here's my classmates with one of our teachers, sandot (next to me).
not pictured but making the photo is damien, my brother monkey and
sandot's co-teacher of this permaculture course. wooo! :)
here, we are in the rice paddy field, right before planting. THIS is
the most important thing in the world... our food! where does it come
from? the EARTH!
human+nature= paradise
yes!

wild passionflower

permaculture course ended today

i can't wait to make a home on a nice piece of land close to national forest/ wildlands and put all these great ideas into practice... grow food, herbs, edible forest garden, store water, build an eco efficient home...

am super inspired... and also, craving a more permanent home

passionflower... i have dreamed of this flower many times, and it is everywhere here with delicious wild fruits. it is love that grows on a vine

and then these people? the vibrant lady next to me is sandot's mother, and sandot's the man with the huge smile in the center of the photo (the genius behind my current farm). damien is my big brother monkey, on the far right. shen is another vegan, right above him.

this is home for now, but one day...

difficult to stay "present" when i can't help but wonder where, when, how i will make Home!

rainbow

hot all day

temperate to arid climate with a nice sun spread over a blue sky and clouds drifting in and out

face up close into pungent bucket after bucket of effective microorganisms for the compost

compost tea, compost buckets, worm farms, fruit trees galore

all this is old stuff that i never quite understood from my dad and here it comes again

permaculture

rising from the bucket to drop my shoes off and sprint to a new pond to test the waters depth

and stop running, awestruck at the sky

rainbow stretching from where rice paddies lie with freshly planted rice babies

all the way over to the other side of the farm where dam after dam holds rich waters rich soils

all clothes off, all pretense aside, the pond is dark and muddy and deliciously warm and cold in parts

fish nibbling my limbs, sometimes with sharp teeth

drums and singing over by the kitchen with fire and delicious thai food

bananas and coconut milk

this rainbow

i saw this same rainbow over orchard hill farm almost a year ago

almost a year already since i left america

i can say

i don't miss you but i love you and i know that you know the difference

but the truth of the matter is

well, i miss you

i miss you with your smiles, laughter, unconditional love, and understanding

i miss you with all the plants, people, and friends that i know so well

i miss you with all the comfort and sweetness that is present every single place

and in every single person and plant

all the comfort and sweetness present in every rainbow molecule dreambeat drumbeat of my spirit being whole present now flesh breath blood bone fat movement patience strength grace

when you enter the forest

you enter the belly of the mother

re-enter

this shared breath gift love presence

i acknowledge this pain

i breathe into this darkness

i embrace this light

and dance with shadow

finding the myriad rainbows amongst the patiently flowing pond waters curves

amongst the dancing flames transforming green bananas into dinner

tacomepai, thailand

am now on tacomepai farm right outside of pai, thailand

from a nothing land with bad soil 20 years ago

to now, a teeming edible forest garden with fruit trees, wild edible and medicinal foodie-heaven treasures hiding up, down, all around

and simple lovely beauty everywhere

and i don't intend to touch computer for a while again, while i am here :)

am currently living in a treehouse again

above a small stream

sound of reassuring mama river all night long nourishes deepest of dreams and cleansing sleep

this land is sacred and medicinal and i am grateful to be here

everyday is a gift and the most amazing people show up in my life

it is summer, there is fruit everywhere, frogs and river sing me to sleep, birds and sunshine bless me awake

love, gratitude, and big open heart

on goodbye

it's rare to be the one
getting said goodbye to
being on this side of the river
i know now why my grandma was crying
when she dropped me off at the bus station
when i left for china
for 3 months
i hope she's not sad
that i haven't returned yet
but once i return
perhaps after another 3 months
i will leave again
leaving her on the other side of the river again
where i am standing now
having waved my friend away
a motorbike into the distance
the sound fading away, the sight already gone
but the heart ties still there
how strong, the heart ties?

i don't like being on this side of the river
waving goodbye
and now i feel guilty for usually being the one on the other side of the river
jolly waving farewell
looking forward into the rising sun
whilst the moon sets on the back side of the river
where i stand now
still waving
pieces of my heart riding away with the motorcycle

grandma, mother, father, sister, friends who are family
i want to say "come join me on this side of the river"
and "let us never part"
and "why do i always say goodbye"

today i know
yet again
that i do not know

but there is a certain wind
and there is a certain earth
and the chinese word for peace
is the same word for
balance

(let us live the questions
let us not be afraid to walk into the fiery sun
be it rising or setting
and to grasp the tails of the comets
and ride them as far as they will take us
let us bravely stand at the edges of volcanoes
and stare deep into an endless abyss
great cavernous mysterious eyes that stare back
let us be
waves on this immense ocean
flowing steady wild rhythmic uncontrollable
gravitationally pulled to solid earth magnetism
and drawn by mystical moon off somewhere we can't quite always see)

china photos from jesse

master photographer jesse warren does it yet again with multiple flash extended exposure photography for jiling's last night in shenzhen, china... well, almost a month ago now. thanks shenzhen, china once again for 3 months of new friends, deep challenges, and infinite lessons that i will keep learning the rest of my life

(night picnic at lianhuashan park)

on chiang mai, thailand

i feel so very full right now. have been receiving many emails asking "how is thailand?" and such with much love in those words and your thoughts and i don't quite know what to say because it would be such a long email with so many words and much typing and typing is not so good for my wrists. i try to relax them off. i sleep with crystals. am staying with guy, muay, and faa. muay is my thai massage teacher. they are all beautiful amazing human beings and i am honored to be now part of this family also. really, makes my heart sing, and makes it sore with love, and joy, and the pain also of knowing one day soon enough leaving and not knowing when i return. this place reminds me of northampton, ma. and brattleboro, vt. and the feel of gila, nm. very community feel with healing light intentions and strong intentions and beautiful people gathered together somehow magic perfect (as always yes?) in this place, this time, these feelings/ energies.
the magic is shaking a lot up inside of me and it is wonderful and challenging and i look to august for my yearly (i guess, now it's yearly) Fast. will investigate mountain wilderness areas around thailand to find the perfect place for another uninterrupted four day fast. (feasting on air, water, mountains, sunshine, and pure spirit essence) the tissues hold the issues said lucy. and i can see how everything builds up and builds up to build the present now... this wouldn't be so rich, if this wasn't so challenging. i really have to pay attention to body mechanics, otherwise i can't fall asleep for painful wrists. body mechanics are right, and everything flowers like rivers and waterfalls and gentle streams bending through mountains. bodies like mountains each unique and beautiful in their own way. so far, only practiced on a handful of bodies/ people/ spirits... guy, muay, yui, faa, craig. fascinating to palpate skin and feel the electrical currents beneath skin, the bones, the muscles, and best of all, that which science has not named but age old thai tradition calls "sen lines." chinese, we call them meridians. i don't know all the other names for the body's energy lines, but all this is fascinating is fascinating and i feel so happy to literally touch this. and be touching others, helping with pain, and learning so much that it (quite literally) hurts. being careful of body mechanics, i bring new awareness into every single movement. thai massage is like contact improv dance. this new awareness permeates my every movement, how i shift weight with each step, how i pedal down the busy roads listening to and feeling the flexing and contracting of my muscles, what the relation between my foot and the pedal is and how the energy rises up my legs and that relation with my spine and then (somehow this is almost always most important for if not careful this always hurts the most) relation of wrist with handlebars and arms with spine and wrist also and wrist and hands and head and neck and wrist and wrist and wrist. i massage my own scar tissue during calm moments of non thinking, during busy moments of stress (i am wedged between a big stinky bus and a tuk tuk on a busy road... and i am supposed to be on the other side) biking thru the rain coming home at night. pure exhilaration. full moon dance night with the new additional couchsurfing family member of craig (feels so nice to say family. feel family. family family family) (taiwan family. usa family. world family). this love makes me happy. but this love also makes me sad and miss people. but i have family scattered all over the globe. most concentrated in taiwan and usa but... all over the globe. what a gift. what pain in the heart to feel such love and not always be able to physically touch (but there is energy and i KNOW the sen- jiling philosophy at least- extends all over as my breath flows into yours and into the trees and stones and all else) i felt this morning with the tree across from where i do morning stretching, i felt our breath exchange. i could feel tree's strength and age and enduring patience, grandiose beauty. ancient powerful beings, really. some really old big sacred bodhi trees with colorful sticks with prayer messages written on them supporting the old giants (being supported, rather?), and golden cloth tied around their bellies. some with all manner of rainbow cloths tied around and around. the wats/ temples here and magnificent. seems like there is one around every corner and all i can do is keep repeating "only good spirits please" and "meegwetch, namaste, kop khun kha, thank you thank you thank you" because i feel so deeply grateful to be here, and all the beauty and all the challenges feel so rich, and perfect. this journey feels really really right. and this feels like a good place to stop writing for now, and watch today's storm come slowly rolling in. love and gratitude to you, my pun pun, my friend!