dream: lotuses

always remember that wherever you go, there will be lotus blossoms in your footsteps... so that you will never be lost

dance weekend

whirlwind weekend 

friday up to earthdance 

(hello, keith and lani, and amazing new farmers shauna and howell!) 

beautiful land, shining faces

hello massachusetts 

and goodbye again on saturday 

but first 

a magical mystical nature walk thru the rain 

inspiration to live fully, even to the city dwellers

thanks justin 

silence and loudness

can you hear the birds as they speak to each other thru the mists?

we are the birds speaking to each other thru the mists too 

and then kalyan's new farm 

not yet named

not yet planted

but all in progress

and oh so beautiful and amazing and utterly

inspiring

inspiring

so full of love and magic and 

hope 

filled with joy and hope

mmm

off to vermont!

where cars have congregated 

with people inside

at camp neringa 

for a weekend powwow

us, for a few hours 

of hello lovely mira and efan and other

beautiful old friends and acquiantances that i don't remember

but have still touched my life!

bluegrass music never fails

to make me swing

in the morning bright and early

grey rather

it's been grey all throughout 

new england is beginning to feel like a 

big grey temple tent

with green trees like greenish clouds

hanging above my head

above the grey

that envelopes all 

zooming bak down

freeways and traffic

as ingwe tells stories of leopards in jungles, on cd

and we trade raunchy teenage jokes

that bring us back to summers past

and i sleep with cold wet muddy feet plastered against

the breathing window

(or are my feet breathing)

feeling the hartbeat pulsation sensation 

in my little pinky toe 

soaring to 

back down back down 

to connect i cut

for new england primitive skills gathering

where me and justin first met

last summer 

and i haven't seen many of these people for a full year

and i realize just how much changes

and how much does not

and what?! i am still here in connect i cut

and am not yet cut

but not quite connected either

but am more and more realizing that

i 

am

(something

un

stable

yet quite

grounded

also)

rain rain

when i close my eyes, i see

small mushroom clouds of dust poofing 

as raindrop fairies alight

in the desert

here, 

the ground just keeps sopping it up 

until one day the sponge has had enough

and all the moss just erupts in little explosions

loud enough for the fairies to start

jigging in joy

flung

hell-realm of normalcy 

schedules and cars that ride faster than the wind

barely even time to cook a good dinner

maybe this is just time to rest 

and recuperate after years of a different kind of running 

a kind of flying

running, flying, leaping, soaring with the wind

instead of in the opposite direction 

at full speed

a different kind of wind, a new sort of slow

a slow found in in-between moments of whooshing breath

gasping for air

air that had been forgotten 

in the rushing madness

what now do i choose for myself

i've dipped toes, then jumped full-on into both worlds

feels like i'm spiralling back and forth

and when i make comparisons

i see it's not such a big decision after all 

the spiral keeps turning, regardless 

but then, it's also a huge decision

shall i turn towards the sun, slowly, like a dandelion 

or shall i turn downwards yet up 

being stretched tightly into a middle place of balance

my guts stretched out tight to be poked with sticks

and push pulled into leather 

a tight unforgiving leather

that does not give in to the sly kisses of the wind

for it can no longer feel

it is stretched too tight

i feel like a tired wind caught between the currents of the tides

in a confusing whirlpool of motion

a black hole of dark unknown

heavy rock tied to my ankles 

pulling so hard that they bleed they bleed they bleed

i am bleeding to death

for my heart has been ripped to pieces 

devoured by so many little cords of blind hunger

that stretch leather of what was once a heart

until there is no more blood to bleed 

it is caked and hard

and eventually

back to dust 

i wonder if sometimes late at night

the dust sits up and wonders

where did i come from 

raccoons

a duck got hurt last night

saw a mama and two baby raccoons in a tree, today

one life for three others? 

we see at least 3 deer and a squirrel dead on the side of the road every time we drive somewhere 

there's many more we don't see, i'm sure 

a handful of roadkill for a couple hundred cars and a society that moves too quickly? 

my stomach hurts when i think about the roadkill and stinky cars

it hurts also when i walk into a grocery store with its lights and too much stuff

our society of comfort and over-consumption

sometimes i wish i wasn't born american 

and yet, i also understand

(not quite) 

more spring!

i saw the first mullein blossoms of the season (bright yellow gorgeous flowers on a tall green stalk with the fuzziest most fantastic leaves)
and the first milkweed blossoms of the season! (beautifully intricate blossoms that are mostly white, but so much more... and smell like pure bliss. between the roses and the milkweeds, I am in heaven)

photos soon enough...

week

my week has been, thus far: 
lambsquarters day with brenda
bluegrass fest night, and recording songs with kari
hike to waterfall, and see coyote and snake
firefly and turtle and mosses with justin
ocean, roses, and lucy 
river walking with rocks, rain, thunder, and nettles
more roses
mmm!

roses

pink and white rosas

sing angels sounds 

and gently crowd each other to 

o

p

e

n

the locked doors of my heart

and blow fresh air into dusty chambers

and paint everything

an exhilaratingly reddish hue of ahhh

love