meaning

written on edge of my college building roof: 

"JUMP and you will live more than you ever lived in that free fall

but STAY and you will keep the promise that is the meaning of your Life." 

joshua tree adventurers!

what a hot sun and gorgeous sky! 

beavertail cactus bloom

inspiring

wrist

2 more photos: 

- wrist and barrel cactus compare nails- i am still taking care of wrist post-surgery, fingers 3 and 4 still have lack of sensation- nerve damage, absolutely

- nerve damage or not, i stand happily atop ryan mountain in northern joshua tree national park, back in a place i love and call home, and preparing to fly somewhere new and again make a new home

desert tortoise

 

back to USA!

"don't you need to stamp my passport?" i ask. 

"welcome home," says the guy checking my passport with a smile, "you don't need a stamp to enter your own country." 

my own country! 

Flying home from home

I twist my life into this complicated mess of beautiful threads. I don't know who I am really, nor where I am going. I operate on intuition and heart feeling. Each time I try to ground myself and get practical, really practical, I change my mind yet again, wholeheartedly yet halfheartedly so, and move on. Again and again. Flying from home to home. Constantly moving, changing, exciting, heartbreaking. Deliciously and painfully so. What a life. What. A. Trip.

Journey of a lifetime. That's what this is. That's what this all is. This is all the journey of a lifetime. Nothing I do will ever  truly be repeated ever again. Every moment is precious. Every glance I engage in, every heart and heartbeat I surrender to, every laugh I send out into the Universe to be echoed and bounced around for eternity. It's all precious. It's all reflected. It's all a gift. Thread by thread, we weave this journey of a lifetime, this dream we call reality, this painfully gorgeous completely transient experience of… something magnificent and really, beyond words.

Maybe I should just shut up and stop writing right here.

But language is all I've got to share with, like this at least. So, I'll keep writing.

I'm leaving Taiwan. Every so often, I look around in disbelief. I gaze into Larry's eyes, into the faces of all the people passing me by on the streets. I'm leaving here. This home. This reality. I'm returning to the USA, back to where I grew up, back to that home, that reality, where people have different skin colors, different thought patterns, different life habits.

I thought I was coming to Taiwan to get to know my roots. I realize now that my roots are not just here in Taiwan. I root deeply into the USA as well. I can also happily root into India and Thailand. If I chose to, I could root into right about anywhere. I'm that kind of weed. I'm that kind of hardy indestructible root, like comfrey, where the more you chop the root up, the happier it grows. The worse the environment, the more powerfully it thrives, and makes amazing medicine. Well, just chop me up and throw me around like a comfrey salad then. No thank you!

I don't belong here, there, or anywhere. I belong everywhere. It's a choice. And, it's a risk I am willing to live with in my life right now: not being grounded to one place, one reality, one thought-speech-body pattern. Constant change, infinite possibility, endless insecurity. My root chakra is floating like one of those clouds that you can't see in the sky because it's just that ephemeral.

I've wanted to get grounded for the past four years. I fall in love with men who are about as earthy as mother Earth herself, genius men of great heart, wisdom, and sexual prowess. But then, I keep moving away. Time for a new kind of romance, an even deeper romance. Let's call it a marriage.

This year, I am getting married. It's been a long time coming, and I am so happy, excited, and a little bit nervous to marry… the plant nation! Enough of Earthy men, time for Earthy Earth! This year, I am apprenticing with 7song of the Northeast School of Botanical Medicine in Ithaca, NY. I am committed to staying there from April until December, and possibly for longer. I will be studying clinical herbal medicine from a traditional Western perspective. I understand that I am hopping from ancient Eastern to traditional Western perspectives. I aim to integrate East and West into an elegant, effective, and holistic understanding and practice of healing.

After herb school, maybe massage school and/or graduate school for somatic psychology. But, my path is getting more clear, yes? I don't have a super sharp image of how my goals manifest just yet, but all comes more into clarity with each solid step I take. One day, I hope to open my own practice and share all these journeys, joys, jumpings, landings with many beauties in a sweet community I call home.

And for now, and for always, home is here! I am home.

Who are you? Where do you come from? Where are you going?

I am me. You can call me Jiling, but you can't really define me. I come from Earth, and I'm going to Earth. I am here. Thanks for seeing me. 

rebirth

welcome, transformation