埔里花展

flower exhibit in puli. my aunt (left) with her friend. rainy day. en route to sun moon lake. taiwanese people like to put flowers into arrangements, and admire their beauty. it reminds me of drinking tea. small things that make you happy. 

sun moon lake

blue sky 

calm lake 

with boats all over it 

and people surrounding it 

welcome to sun moon lake (日月潭) in the middle of taiwan 

one of taiwan's most famous lakes 

i prefer the small lakes 

like "grandma's pond" (阿婆潭) in yangmingshan （陽明山) 

but it was interesting here 

to see all the development 

and experience what most tourists from china or elsewhere come to taiwan to see 

so now i know 

and can blue sky calm lake 

elsewhere 

(pictured on left is my aunt maylin from taichong, my adventure partner for the day!) 

wrist

wrist is beautiful!!!

christmas dinner, taipei

i am so thankful for sweet and spicy friendship: brothers and sisters! 

especially happy when friends from different pieces of my life get to meet each other! 

taiwan

i am staying in taiwan for an indefinite period of time

(photo from sanyi, old rails) 

wrist

it is healing! 

manipura

radiate out 

this love to the world 

share shine brightly 

with passion and courage 

speak my truth 

with integrity and clarity 

i know what i want and need 

i know myself 

i understand my place in this world 

i know what i need to do 

and where i am going 

i proudly step forward with strong humbleness 

i know myself 

and help others know themselves

and shine their lights brightly 

as well 

one flame 

ignites many more 

wrist- sadness and fear

i feel helpless and at a loss right now 

1.5 months later, and cut on my wrist is still an open wound 

infected and painful 

i still have lack of sensation and numbness in my third and fourth finger and palm 

i am still bathing with just one hand, cooking with my left hand, chopping veggies softly

drawing softly, playing piano softly... 

all these little things that used to be so fluid and easy

are still difficult 

i just want my life back to normal 

with no high standards of becoming superwoman after this experience now, no 

i just want to be normal 

and able to shower with both hands 

do my yoga practice with strength and ease of both hands supporting

and swing my backpack onto my back without worry of hurting my right hand 

i don't know where to turn 

the infection slowed down in some areas, stopped in other areas 

with antibiotics and daily cleansing 

no more antibiotics, still daily cleansing 

but infection is slowly spreading, once more 

what is causing this? what's happening? 

i don't trust my original surgeon

he talks too fast, doesn't look me in the eye, and provides insufficient answers to his questions 

every once in a while, i catch his humanity through his fast talking rushedness, stress, and wild eyes 

he is scared and tired 

all he really needs is a couple months of solid rest 

i doubt he's really happy with his life, passionate about his work 

he has botched up my arm 

i feel anger

i tried another doctor, skin clinic, when rope was still sticking out of my arm

other doc told me to return to my original doc 

he is scared of liability issues; would not even give me a diagnosis of my situation, or touch my wrist 

my chigong teacher has nothing to say to me, besides 

"stop aggravating your wrist! just let it rest" 

well it has been resting now. after infection, i haven't even been moving it much 

i am giving it nothing but rest, and as much love and good vibes as i can summon up through the veil of my fear, worry, and impatience 

i want to get on with my life 

rose elixir, chocolate, and company of good friends and wilderness make me feel better in my heart 

but the infection remains 

the cut remains open, fingers unfeeling, palm of my hand hot and uncomfortable 

what to do? 

feels like nobody can really help me right now 

and i don't know how to help myself either 

acupuncture teacher and friend stabbed me violently into three points along the arm 

sending shooting sensation down into my palm 

for a few seconds 

"keep massaging there" he says 

but the effect is similar as antibiotics 

it works briefly

but the root of the problem remains 

and the cut remains open, infection marching forward still, after brief respite

tireless bacteria dancing around and around my wrist

i feel scared right now 

and so tired of this 

i don't know what to do