christmas dinner, taipei

i am so thankful for sweet and spicy friendship: brothers and sisters! 

especially happy when friends from different pieces of my life get to meet each other! 

taiwan

i am staying in taiwan for an indefinite period of time

(photo from sanyi, old rails) 

wrist

it is healing! 

manipura

radiate out 

this love to the world 

share shine brightly 

with passion and courage 

speak my truth 

with integrity and clarity 

i know what i want and need 

i know myself 

i understand my place in this world 

i know what i need to do 

and where i am going 

i proudly step forward with strong humbleness 

i know myself 

and help others know themselves

and shine their lights brightly 

as well 

one flame 

ignites many more 

wrist- sadness and fear

i feel helpless and at a loss right now 

1.5 months later, and cut on my wrist is still an open wound 

infected and painful 

i still have lack of sensation and numbness in my third and fourth finger and palm 

i am still bathing with just one hand, cooking with my left hand, chopping veggies softly

drawing softly, playing piano softly... 

all these little things that used to be so fluid and easy

are still difficult 

i just want my life back to normal 

with no high standards of becoming superwoman after this experience now, no 

i just want to be normal 

and able to shower with both hands 

do my yoga practice with strength and ease of both hands supporting

and swing my backpack onto my back without worry of hurting my right hand 

i don't know where to turn 

the infection slowed down in some areas, stopped in other areas 

with antibiotics and daily cleansing 

no more antibiotics, still daily cleansing 

but infection is slowly spreading, once more 

what is causing this? what's happening? 

i don't trust my original surgeon

he talks too fast, doesn't look me in the eye, and provides insufficient answers to his questions 

every once in a while, i catch his humanity through his fast talking rushedness, stress, and wild eyes 

he is scared and tired 

all he really needs is a couple months of solid rest 

i doubt he's really happy with his life, passionate about his work 

he has botched up my arm 

i feel anger

i tried another doctor, skin clinic, when rope was still sticking out of my arm

other doc told me to return to my original doc 

he is scared of liability issues; would not even give me a diagnosis of my situation, or touch my wrist 

my chigong teacher has nothing to say to me, besides 

"stop aggravating your wrist! just let it rest" 

well it has been resting now. after infection, i haven't even been moving it much 

i am giving it nothing but rest, and as much love and good vibes as i can summon up through the veil of my fear, worry, and impatience 

i want to get on with my life 

rose elixir, chocolate, and company of good friends and wilderness make me feel better in my heart 

but the infection remains 

the cut remains open, fingers unfeeling, palm of my hand hot and uncomfortable 

what to do? 

feels like nobody can really help me right now 

and i don't know how to help myself either 

acupuncture teacher and friend stabbed me violently into three points along the arm 

sending shooting sensation down into my palm 

for a few seconds 

"keep massaging there" he says 

but the effect is similar as antibiotics 

it works briefly

but the root of the problem remains 

and the cut remains open, infection marching forward still, after brief respite

tireless bacteria dancing around and around my wrist

i feel scared right now 

and so tired of this 

i don't know what to do 

wrist- a retrospective

 all photos from August 2006, except for final photo

final photo before The Fall- near Giraud Peak, John Muir Wilderness, northern CA, USA

on the helicopter out of the mountains, after the Fall

, 

 I am lucky to be alive, spine intact, both wrists broken, face and body ripped apart but more than functional

nature is the best medicine 

right after cast first taken off, post-surgery 

 my mom made this photo of me right after they took cast off, admiring my hands and feeling grateful...

my wrist, today 

we are gonna get through this, learn lots... and I've promised to never do anything like this again to my wrist, or my Self. i completely love and accept myself, metal and all... and pray that i learn all the lessons i must learn from this journey of second-surgery, second healing, continuous healing journey... and, i patiently walk with this pain, this scar, and this healing process for now, until the day we can fully practice yoga, chigong, dance, climbing, and all the other beauties of life together again!

until then, i cherish it all!

.love. presence. gratitude. 

雨中- 陽明山- 魚路古道 ancient fisherman's trail- yangmingshan

hiking in the rain 

constant uphill 

to grassy plain 

cow dung everywhere 

mud all over my clothing 

boots wet, feet cold, heart ecstatic 

i love these mountains! 

slow downhill descent 

at times running over solid ground 

mostly carefully picking my way down ancient stone steps 

these trees have seen dinosaurs 

i love taiwan ferns 

mist everywhere, magical, romantic 

i dialogue with the trees 

composing songs no one else will ever hear 

breathing breaths to only be breathed once 

savoring each splendid moment 

my breath getting taken away 

waterfall after waterfall 

gentle rain feeding powerful rivers

nourishing the green mountains

i love this planet! 

and rivers- oh how i love rivers!

and stone! 

standing above the waterfall 

feeling her power

i realize who i am 

as well 

wrist