(pain, fear, and other "negative" emotions instigate excellent fodder for poetry... that i feel taps at the most core piece of our selves: our deepest pain. for that mirrors our deepest joy, our brightest bliss, our truest beauty. in sanskrit... satchitananda. our innate incredible nature, that only our suffering/ trauma/ drama can illuminate, and open. blessings on your journey, fellow human! i wrote the below poem before reluctantly returning to hospital, second time)
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i am already living as consciously as i know how
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i am already living as consciously as i know how
go to the people, start with what they know, get to where's they're at, accept that, and then move from there
same with myself
what to do when your friend is in pain
what to do when your child is crying
just hold
embrace
accept
and listen
offering unconditional love and support
and only giving suggestions if they ask for it
and then, listening more than you speak
be wary of your tongue
and what you think you know
one thing for one person may be something completely different for another person
you may think real such things as ghosts from past lives coming to haunt again in this life
and i may think that complete bullshit
you may think that that healer is amazing
and i may think that her tools are weak and rusty, and she needs to go make love on top of a waterfall with herself for a few days before she can help anyone
she needs some passion in her life
some brightness in her face
some tone in her voice
some power behind her punch
i am off
to go court wolves and dance with the darkness
i am going
back to a hospital of white-jackets, grim-faces, and hearts that are tired but still trying
dear Creator
let me be open to the possibility
of all possibilities
that sometimes yes this
and other times no that
and don't always remain strong and hard
be flexible and bend with the wind
don't say to me "hush hush- don't cry. it's okay"
say to me, "cry!!! howl!!! wail out your pain!!! let it go, let it go go go... and it is so beautiful"
say to me, " i see you in your pain
i see you in your magnificence
you are beautiful
and i love you for your tears, pain, and beauty
as you rise up pale, dirty, weak, shriveled, and sobbing
i love you too
as you rise up strong, glowing, eyes bright, teeth gnashing, a bellowing war song on your breath
i love you for all these moments yes
dear wrist
dear tongue
dear locked up limbs and chakras
physical points and energetic centers
whole being
dear
self
surrendering, surrendered, graceful, uplifted, shattered, shaking, and
i am living as consciously as i know how
i make my decisions with discernment and as much collective wisdom as i can dredge up from within and around me
this life
i am still here
for a yes i know why now
touch and be touched
set fire to the dead dear landscape with passion, laughter, heart-head-and-hips wide open
surrender
release
step forward with boldness and courage
body dead, eyes flashing
aho
