winter into spring

...and now, spring flowers!

winter into spring

fairyhouses, rock art, camouflage...

quan yin

thank you bear for helping me build this beautiful drum, quan yin
thank you justin and pine trees for the sturdy drum frame
thank you buffalo for powerfully tying quan yin together, and the strong yet soft drum stick head
thank you elk for resonant drum head
thank you red cedar and deer for giving and receiving drum stick
thank you wind for bringing me here
thank you earth and sky for holding and walking with me


spring has come!
flowers and buds rising everywhere
but the temperature is still low
especially to one visiting from california...
like my good friend adrian
who visited aspatuck forest with me
and bee-lined for the lake that we saw on the map
and upon seeing the water
face spread wide in a grin of glee
and in he jumped!
into the cold water
in the beginning of spring!


Earth Crow

a little drop of rain water from the sky. winds blowing to and fro, tossed among the trees. a silent song from the high pine i climbed into to chat with the wind. an invitation to dance, barefoot and free among the pines and cedars. body is sore, unaccustomed now, to the freedom of the winds. i swing my arms and legs, feeling pathetic and dull. crows fly above, dodging incoming rain. caaaw caaawwww! i call to them. they pause, midflight, looking in my direction. they circle back, wheeling above me, cawing in response. more crows come, more crows fly in... a whole grey sky dotted with black crows wheeling above me, singing to the rain gods and sky gods as i stand still, honoring the earth gods and feeling so grateful to be an earth crow.

photo from Adrian (thanks!) ... aspatuck land trust at dusk, another cloudy day. me, caressing some moss.


charcoal love monster

fire is amazing
from the heat of the flame
to the cleansing ashes
to the fun charcoal
what a gift!
(from top to bottom: justin, jaz, esme, evelyn)

same bow, different drill, fresh coal

I just bowdrilled my first coal with a cedar spindle, and cedar fireboard! (the last spindle and fireboard were cottonwood and sage from Utah). This spindle was cedarwood from Wisconsin. This fireboard was white cedar from around here! Getting localler and localler... :)
(for those who don't know, bowdrilling is primitive fire making. making fire from rubbing sticks together. basically, it's magic)


i start running

i start running
with a lift and a tilt
up my feet go
lifting to catch
the wings of wind sisters
fluttering through pines
i start flying
with light and shadows mix merging
racing through my non being
i land
in a soft bed of moss
i settle
and snoozle
until a leaf falls
i start running


spiders grunt

i heard a spider grunting today as she walked around on the forest floor leaves. i've never heard a spider grunt before! it got me laughing so hard that i scratched my belly on the rock i was lying on. and i fell onto the leaves too, and scared some squirrels who were flirting with each other. and that got the birds into an uproar, which silenced the happily croaking frogs for a few seconds, and tickled the wind so much that she got to laughing too, all through the pines and hemlocks and cedars... and down wind comes spiralling back into my nose to fuel another laugh... this one of pure delight.

no one

because it's too thick and well concealed
shrouded in anger and hurt and mystery
because it's hidden
below bogs of beautiful mossy smiles and light laughter
because pillows cover screams well
and puffy eyes are depuffed by creams
but what's worst?

they push me out
of homes and families
set out to flounder
on vast oceans of confusion
i don't even care anymore
if i drown
they shove me by
on streets and corners
tired thumb waving
no one sees
as they pass me by
i am the stranger
who peeks into windows
hungry and heartbroken
i hurt for home
i am the haunting
of the passing wind
i am
the mourning dove singing sad songs
the sequoia wondering where
her sisters have gone
i am the lone wolf galloping
i am the silent spring
they step on me
not even knowing
that i am there
broken and crying
getting mashed into mushed into
so come on then!
bring it on!
this will only make me stronger
COME and crush my bones to make your bread
i am afraid yes
but i will heal and whole into
something so beautifully powerful and strong
that you will stand before me
and finally see me
and you will understand
that you are boots crunching yourself too

sometimes i don't feel like being forgiving
i just want to hurt back
not give my other cheek
but slap back
even more forceful than the first slap
sometimes i don't feel like crying into a blanket
screaming into the pillow
sometimes i have enough
and i want my canyons back
i want my clean rivers back
canyons to scream into
and echo over and over and over
until lo! it emerges as a flock of crows
flying from the bellies of the cliffs
dark bats shadows
my demons manifested
come fly out into the purple skies
rivers to pour myself into
bathe me cleanse me heal me

if skies weren't blue somedays and grey somedays
perhaps i would just fly up and stay

it's spring and i'm done undergrounding

i'm so glad i'm living
above ground
i can hear the rain
kissing and shaking my home
as the rain in my chest
dances a slow solemn
jig of life joy
steady in its ecstatic aliveness
and continued
ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum...
kissing and shaking
my core
and we kerplop
back into the mud
back into the stillness
of the rocks and the cool heat
of a jiggle shift


i felt today

today i swam in a tub of water floating under rose petals
ran out into the windy springtime drizzle
swung high into the trees
closed my eyes and
heat radiant glow flying push push into
power winds of desert forest mountain more
embracing holding loving wanting drawing me in in in...
and pushing
and   f l  y
wingless and windful
through the air
to plop strong and balanced
root shooting into rocky earth glowing soil

today i went for a jog in the rain
and took off all my winter wool
went dashing around in springtime fervor in summer tanktop
i stopped downhill
a big rock
sweet soft moss
sky rain and my rain mingle into arms-open moss hands
sky kisses and my kisses rock body
my body tumbles sky holds roll over and around
down to the river
i watch
as sky rain dribble trickles tears
drip drop
into flowing endless growing waning water flow flow flow
wind whoosh push ripples toward me and shore
i open
my mouth to let wind enter
with all of her mountains and forests and rivers and deserts and jungles and
all the other

today i ate
fresh springtime chives and garlic mustard

today i sang
as loud as i could

today i hurt
of all the pain accumulated of all the seconds to minutes to hours to days to weeks months years decades generations lifetimes lifetimes lifetimes lifetimes...

today i laughed
when wind kisses me while earth held me

today i celebrated
my rage
my passion
with drums and songs
and fearless embracing of fear, anger, sadness, joy, love
oh, what a cold heat
i felt today


did you notice!

 i hope you can see the magic around us! did you see the rainbows in the snow? and rainbows in the crystalline rocks? all the different colors in the rocks? the different textures in the water? the scampering windsong as she scurries through trees and trees and deserts and mountains and tundra and oceans and oceans and oceans... all in each breath!



we saw a little red fox at twilight. she ran to a rock, looked over, saw us, did a little dash... we sat on a mossy rock bed. watched the wind rustle through the trees, sun slowly sink down from a fuschia into passionate red into melting hearthrob maroon into dark night, cloudy starless. saw a rainbow next to the sun, in the diagonal clouds. a faint rainbow, but bright enough. right above her head. saw two mallard ducks, a male and a female, sitting placid on still pond, chests reflected in the water with trees and clouds and sky. heard bard owls calling at each other through the forest. woo woo woo... woo WOOooo! found sweet fern, finally. found my heart firmly centered in my chest, feet in the earth, fire in my belly, wind in my lungs, water in my eyes: whole.



i wish i wasn't so adventurous
so curious
i wish i was normal
could fit in some kind of a box
be predictable
get comfortable
and just let life flow around me
wherever i am at
happy and content
without needing to
to the winds
again and again
sly mistress, coy lover
wind wind wind
i am done with you wind!
i yelled out into the forest
coyote wind brought it back to me
even louder in its echo
and rocked my tree
you rock me
and i fall
hopelessly and helplessly
like so many dandelion tufts
full of beautiful potential
yet missing home
home is where the heart is
mine is everywhere and nowhere
i wish it wasn't so
i wish
i can just
in the tree and not keep falling



last night, i bowdrilled my first coal. after holding onto this bowdrill set for almost four years... i finally bowdrilled a coal in less than two minutes