where (blowing winds approaching 50 mph,
my mind runs even faster, ever faster
convoluted crazy chaotic spirals and spirals)
where (dust storms dancing across the desert
sprinting from tree to tree, hill to hill)
the bristlecone pine stands
strong like an evershining sun
radiating heat to planets and planets
i am one but many
and we are all zero


i want to
jump off that rock
land on a ledge
dance into space
jam with the birds
flap into the sky
and run all around
and loving
the world as my canvas
such a cloudy day
bright eyes
warm hearts


flying away
like so many dandelion seeds
blown on the wind
to unknown lands
wild adventures
but today today
(so difficult! but)
here i am
and i'm trying not to wonder
about the wind
or where i'm going
but just enjoy the ride
as i float, fall, fly
off into such a blue sky


(from this afternoon)

Sitting with waterfall. I realize my Life is rolling along too quickly; I'm not savoring all these passing moments, am not in control--- and Life just flows on by. I haven't stopped and really felt my senses at all or enough, recently. I haven't even been stopping and stretching, allowing myself the "luxury" of meditation and phone conversations--- or anything at all. Mine is currently a super jagged overworked/overexcited/over energized (frantic! jumpy!) wild energy--- too much and yet I feel pretty constantly stoked right now--- it's quite different from the calm and peace I felt a lot of while at Mom and Dad's place, at Wildcat, etc. I'm now at the edge of the working world, getting ready to jump--- all these fresh possibilities and doors are open to me... whereas things are even more open in the wild wild woods, but I completely dictate my own Life, instead of riding on others' schedules and whatnot... and thus I am more at peace here... but everything's so new and exciting...


(will you?)
take me with you
as you soar over the cliffs
dive under the lake
(will you?)
hug me tightly
as you breathe
below the trees
rooting deeply
i feel our roots
heave-ho rootrooting
where have your branches gone?
but i feel you in the wind
and thus we lean together
opposite ends of the
(will you?)
and my mind flutters
torn ragged off into the wind
soaring over the cliffs
diving under the lakes
as i
as you
sit here breathing deeply
below the trees


too busy! long list of stuff i need, want to do. and the shelter still must be finished. it sits, barely camouflaged now, the trees i dragged over as roofing and walling leaving large long trails of smashed thistles. the thistles cling to me as i walk home. my left knee hurts from continually kneeling down onto it, the right knee raised. fresh purple bruise on the right knee. mind all a flutter. need to calm down, slow down again. need time to myself. need... to finish this shelter so i can get on with other projects. want to start morning journaling again. must start morning stretching again! my body needs it. voice is back. body is basically healed from nyc sickness. appetite is very back, but odd. am slowly getting used to the coldness. went up to mountains yesterday for interview. snow! i will work at a ski resort, eldora, this winter. excited, scared... all sorts of stuff. part-time or full-time? will i still be able to be calm? have time to read, dance, meditate, play? time! oi. we laid in our shelter (just moved in last night) well after sunrise this morning. first time "sleeping in" since i've been back in boulder. was nice... but still feel rushed. every movement feels rushed. even when stretching, i'm wondering if i "should" be helping with breakfast instead. as typing this, i'm watching the sun, feeling like i "should" be piling leaves onto our shelter, building more camouflage, doing this doing that... ahhh! need to slow down and... ahhh... just breathe again deep deep i
nto my lungs and belly, deep deep into my body, my me, my self. (soul?) just picked up a book on "soulcraft," which adrian is currently reading, too. soul? what's that? all sorts of wonderings, music, and busy ridiculous nonsense in my head these days... i miss just having music in my head but somehow, somehow all this thought is nice too, and talking with myself is calming too, in its own way. and wondering, deciphering, and learning is so fun too... (breathe breathe breathe)


back in Boulder. leaves are falling quickly. building ourselves a new home as quickly as possible. should finish tomorrow. feel like a squirrel, burrowing into the leaves. or a bird, building a nest. body chilly, air chilly. lots of biking! freedom on bike. little communication with other people, besides Daniel. i loved spending the past month with old friends, but it's nice to be semi-alone again for most of the day. finding fresh books in free boxes. am reading about Buddhism. want to read more about the life of the Buddha. am happy with Daniel again, learning a lot about the body. excited for contact improv again, to rejoin a dance community again! am reminded, with Daniel, of just how utterly incredible our bodies are. i am so grateful to be here, to be alive. am eager to see what contact improv will be like now, with my new outlooks on mind and body. maybe not so new, but definitely newly revisited. wee! job interview in a few days. feeling slight trepidation, much excitement. it's been awhile. am walking in a new direction, again. fellow wanderers, or people admiring of this lifestyle but fearful of its consequences, ask me whywhywhy. i was talking about my career, and a friend asked, "but why is it so important to have a career?" and then "but do you really want a career?" and that made me stop and think. and now i think yes, because... i can work on my primitive skills at the same time. i want to be the best in both worlds, both primitive and civilized. i want to be the ultimate fence-straddler, before i decide what direction i want to walk. there's comfort and beauty on both sides, in every direction. ugliness and fear everywhere, too. depends on how i look at it. i want to learn it all, try everything. know i can't... but right now feel good about my straddling strategies. life feels good right now, right now.


on the road again
clouds descending to a hungry horizon
i march onwards, heart forward